Going Out

[Connemmara]

Know you can't help me but am finding it difficult to go outside of the house lately unless I really have to - just don't want to ie it is my cousin's birthday tomorrow and it will take all my strength to get a card and post it into her house - she won't be in this afternoon and then I can't wait to get back in to the house again. Hate being like this.

[boxtops]

Hi Conne - it is just you can't get the strength to go out, or do you feel scared when you are outside the house? If it's the latter, it sounds like agoraphobia - where you are really anxious outside the house and can't wait to get back to safety (I've been there). Knowing which it is might help us to help you.

[Connemmara]

I knew agoraphobia would come into it - I don't think it is that bad - it is an old case the more you stay in the more you stay in. Would you believe that this weather has got me down particularly this year and could be one of the culprits. Thanks for your reply boxtops.

[tonyav]

Would you be walking to your cousins house Connemmara, if so, the fresh air would probably do you good.

[Connemmara]

that's a good idea tony av - no in order to quickly back home i would be taking the car.

[tonyav]

Ok Connemmara, open the windows in the car then lol.

[pastafreak]

It certainly sounds like mild anxiety-if not agoraphobia. You should really make the effort to go out-even if only for a short while. Staying in just serves to re-inforce the discomfort-though it is understandable. Take your little dog out-he'll appreciate it.

[wolf63]

For a few months I have been going out once a week but that is only because I do voluntary work on one day. It does become a habit but not really a good one.

My back is really painful when I walk or stand so that seems like a good reason not to go out but being in doesn't help my mental health (which is dodgy).

Conne - little walks with your dog will get you started - my cats refuse to walk on a lead. :-)

[Iluvspikey]

Has anything occured to make you not want to be outside? Or is it a case of you've been house-bound for a while and just feel that you don't want to go out?

[boxtops]

That's a really good idea, pasta - for the sake of the little dog, conne, get him ready and just go round the block. I did have full-blown agoraphobia and I know how much you have to make yourself do it (even if this really isn't your problem at the moment). The spring is here, go look at the buds and the flowers, it's worth it ♥

[Connemmara]

my neighbour has been taking him (ie the dog) - I get like this from time to time - I do think having 5 falls in 2-3 months hasn't helped like I'm nervous walking in case I fall. Really couldn't cope with another fall.

[boxtops]

Aha, that's probably what's causing your nervousness then, conne. Right, you need some physical help (although I know some people are reluctant to take this step). What about a walking stick? - or better still, one of those lightweight walking frames? My mother's life was changed wonderfully when she got a walking frame, the sort on wheels that you can fold up to put in the car - she never had to worry again about being unstable on her feet. She said she couldn't understand why people were reluctant to use one, my MIL's got one too, now.

[Connemmara]

Oh no Boxtops I could never give into that - this will pass - I just pray to God and He gives me strength. I just stay in pjs all day - have a shower and put on pjs. No I'd rather stay in than being walking frame - will have my day of that sooner or later - Sorry if this comes over as being proud.

[boxtops]

Conne, I understand your feeling entirely, it feels like giving in - but I can really assure you that it changed my mum's life, don't discount it. The only way then to build your confidence IS to go out - just little distances, make sure your shoes don't have slippy soles. Get dressed - staying in your PJs all day is no incentive to feeling better and to starting to have confidence that you CAN do things without falling.

Fear (even if we don't realise it) is a terribly powerful thing - but as someone said to me once, it's not the fear of the thing which gets to us, it's the fear that it might happen. If you fell again, what would be the worst thing that might happen? It's about getting the anxiousness into perspective, and taking a hold on it and telling it that it won't stop you going out of the house. I did it - you can.

[Iluvspikey]

I can quite understand why you are loathe to go out, that many falls is bound to knock anybody's confidence. You really need to have somebody with you until your confidence is back. - And as boxtop suggests, a walking stick - could your neighbour oblige? Ask your doctor or if you are older help the aged, they might be able to help you

[Connemmara]

Well Boxtops I do voluntary work on a Monday night which I enjoy - on Wed I had started Music Theory and stopped last Wed thought it taxed the brain too much but on Thursday night I go to practising on piano. Allegedly I have to go back to music theory according to the wee tutor as I was apparently doing good.That was message I received from one of the other students. So I do go out when I have to.

[Connemmara]

thanks for all your answers but you know I have been (like us all on this site) have been through a lot of physical stuff - like 4 car crashes, a shooting, the falls for years, and the mental anguish of a lot of deaths so it has just taken its toll I guess.

[boxtops]

You're probably right, conne - your body and mind need to have a break - but don't let it become a habit, getting out and about is good for you mentally as well as physically, and I bet the dog would like you taking her out for a change!

[Connemmara]

well a wee update - drove to cousin's picked up a cuppla veggies and then the dog and I went to the park whereby he has a nosey or poop or two and then into the water. He is always dead happy when he comes back from the park. I enjoyed it - thanks everybody for your interest.

[boxtops]

well done conne - give yourself a pat on the back. Do it again tomorrow if you feel like it!

[Eve]

Well done :) It must be hard with the falls (especially with menieres) and everything else that has gone on.

I'm similar with getting out of my comfort zone a bit, been getting myself stressed recently as I have to travel away from where I live for a family do and the whole stress of thinking about it has stopped me looking forward to it a lot. I think it can be hard for others to understand.

I have to say though, I felt a bit uncertain about a walking aide at 34 though I got to the point I really really needed one and they are brilliant! I've got two sticks though only usually use the one and I have my stuff in a rucksack on my back and the straps are great as I can hook the top of the stick through it so it hangs down my side but is easily grabbable if I need my hands for trying to get shopping and such. I have a little over the shoulder bag so I have things like my purse closer to me (though I live in a city with lots of ne'er do wells about.

You can get foldupable ones and ones which seem to blend in more like black thinner ones. Maybe try it with one of those big umbrellas folded in, see if that helps.