I Went

marval | 20:58 Fri 31st May 2013 | Jokes

4 Answers

I went to an AA meeting last night.
The shops were closed and I needed some batteries.

I went to get my body waxed yesterday; they did a really bad job.
Oh well I should have gone to pecshavers.

How do we know Vermeer had a low sperm count?
Well, it's not 'Girl with a Pearl Necklace' is it?

CALENDAR FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal.
Except Winter and Summer.
And Autumn.

I can't believe I got sacked from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.

I asked Microsoft online help if they had a chocolate bar with Caramel, Nougat and Hazelnuts.
It replied "No Topics Found"

I've just spent 2 hours on the phone comforting my friend who got dumped and I think I've been really helpful.
But Vodafone's taken all the credit.

When someone asks you for account details on the phone, "200 years old, sharp teeth, hates wooden stakes" is an unacceptable answer.

The BBC are bringing out a new version of Dad's Army which will include a local gypsy traveler family.
Can’t wait to see Captain Mainwaring say those immortal words "Don’t tell him your name Pikey".

My wife's leaving me because apparently "I just don't get it". Take yesterday for example. She told me I would soon be hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet. I was so excited I went straight out and bought a new suit.
Well, it's not every day Ronnie Corbett comes round for dinner is it?