My ex husband fell out with all of his family, I got on, and still get on with them all, still see them, visit, with my second hubby, who has been welcomed into the family.
When his sister died, I was called, and asked not to tell him as he was not welcome at the funeral.
I went to the funeral, checked with BIL if he was ok with what I was going to do, waited a week, then told my ex that I had just found out ( he still doesn't know that I went)
I thought that he had a right to know, but by then it was to late, funeral had already taken place, and I knew he wouldn't go and see them, they live too far away.
I think. that you have to respect peoples wishes. X