Should I continue our friendship?

[buzzfresh101]

A girl at work started inviting herself to my local pub when she knew I'd be there. I asked her to sit with us and she's been coming out every week since. She has told me how much she fancies my husband and is always making improper suggestions. She has now started rumours around the work place that my husband has returned these suggestions to her and has been making suggestive comments. I know this is not true. Should I cut all ties with her?

[catwoman29]

Most definately! Do not try and reason with her as she sounds like a manipulative woman and will try to talk her way out of it - or worse spread vicious gossip tp others!! Oh, and drink somewhere else for a few weeks and maybe your husband could tell her to sling it?

[Bohne]

Why does it always have to be 'making excuses' and stuff.

She is behaving very rudely, both you and your husband think so. So just tell her that. That does not mean you have to be mean and nasty about it.

I do not approve of what she is doing, but as long as nobody shows her the borders, how is she supposed to know (seriously). Nobody seems to have told her about respectful behaviour while she was growing up.

[buzzfresh101]

She turned up on Tuesday. She'd been to my house, couldn't find the car so drove to the pub. Still couldn't find the car (we've bought a new one) so she phoned me from the car park. I didn't answer so her face appeared at the window. She came in and sat with us. After she took three photos of my husband on her mobile she obtained his number by accessing his phone whilst I was in the loo and he was at the bar. She has definately crossed the line. There will be no more excuses. If I see her again...

[josh.thomas]

Buzzfresh101, whilst I pitty you for the situation you have been cornered into, maybe through your goodnature - I have no sympathy now, due to you letting her come and sit with you - after finding you in the pub. I'm sorry but if my partner had a stalker that just traced us to the Pub, after going to our house - I would most certainly not go to the toilet and leave her alone with my Partner. On that note, if your Husband thinks she is so disgusting for what she is propsing - why did he leave his phone on the table when he went to the Bar? This is something you shouldn't do anyway in any club or local these days... especially when your stalker is sitting right next to your phone! And you say she took photos of your Husband - and he allowed this? If not, she can be prosecuted, taking photos on Mobile Phones without the subjects permission is illegal! Your Husband could have refused, or alerted Pub staff that there was an un-necessary guest at your table, when you are only trying to have a quiet night. On top of this - you run like a rabbit. CONFRONT THE HOME WRECKING WH*RE!. If your Husband had returned her advances - would you still be so laid back? You have entered into a Marriage with this man - I'd be damned if anybody tried to destroy that! There is no need for politeness, first of all she is forcing a friendship on you, secondly she is blatantly using you (and unless your a toy that likes to be played with.. WAKE UP! Shes using you to get to your Husband!), thirdly, she is invading your personal space.. this list can go on and on. Shes spreading rumours, shes coming to your home, shes going to give you a disasterous work life - shes a leech, shes going to suck the life out of you and your Marriage unless you stop the scheming witch NOW!.

[josh.thomas]

Be blunt - tell her in these exact words, calmly, quietly, and in the presence of a pub, make sure there are a few people around whom you trust - "**Insert name here** I think that we may need to talk about the friendship that has been established between yourself, and me and my Husband. We both find it very uncomfortable that we cannot spend time alone anymore, and that you are suffocating us - risking my opinions of you. On top of that, I have kept quiet and willing accepted you as a friend, or 3rd-wheel as you've now come to be, despite the fact you make clear advances towards my Husband, and even disclose your feelings to me. These make me very unhappy, but I have faith in my Husband - therefore I need not worry. However, your passes make him sick. We have tried to be subtle and simply not invite you to our functions, yet you refuse to take notice. You are invading our private and personal space as people and a couple, which we no longer want. I would appreciate us parting on good terms, and end whatever friendship we have here and now - or else I will take action against you, either via Restraining Order, violation of person rights due to the photos you took of my Husband, and for retrieving his number deceitfully". Then get up, pay for your drinks, make sure your Husband walks out first (Gives the impression hes under YOUR thumb!) and leave without saying a word to her. Be firm/assertive - just don't threatten or call her names, as then you sink to the stupid rats level! Let us know how you get on! (Sorry if my advice is stupid, Im only 17!)

[buzzfresh101]

Thank you josh.thomas. Your reply was just what I needed to hear. I have been too friendly, haven't I? I've tried the subtle approach and It's time to stop it all now. Your recommended speech is actually very close to the one I've been rehearsing all week. Thank you for spurring me on to tell her where to go.

[Dark Angel]

Good advice, Josh Thomas but the speech is too long. It would be better to say something like, "(insert name) you have behaved very disrespectfully towards (insert husband's name) and me, spreading rumours about him, taking photos without his consent, tracing his mobile number and following us to the pub and going over to our place uninvited when you should have known we were avoiding you. Leave us alone, or we'll take a restraint order against you. We do not want to socialise with you anymore!!"