Long Distance Relationship

[Sceptre]

My daughter has had a long distance relationship with a lovely man. They have been together for 5 years. At last the time is finally right for them to move in together. She is quite happy to move 300 miles away from home and get a job in his neck of the woods and start their lives properly, together.

He has suddenly announced that he is thinking about moving in with a "gay" friend of his and has asked her to get a flat of her own so that they could see each other regularly. He says he is worried that they might "not get on" if they lived together.

They are both really happy when they go away on holidays together and love each other.

She is feeling like she's had a kick in the teeth and that after 5 years, they know each other well enough and love each other enough now to make this commitment. She is coming up to 30 years of age and he is 29.

Do you think she should call it a day, or let her life waffle on and quite possibly waste more years of her life?

[VHG]

It does not matter if the guy he is moving in with is gay, or a green eyed monster from Mars.

The fact he is moving in with ANOTHER PERSON says a lot about his LACK of commitment to your daughter.

For her to move up there now would be a HUGE HUGE mistake.

[Sceptre]

Don't spoil it , woofgang. Lol.

[Sqad]

IT WASN'T AN APOLOGY......well not a proper one.......

[Sceptre]

Wise words, VHG.

[pixie373]

Don't worry, sqad. We already know you like to be handled well ;-)

sceptre, i would be very wary if i were your daughter. Would it be worth her staying or moving in for a week or so? That might reassure him that they get on and give them a chance to decide what to do.

[jd_1984]

5 years, relucatant to move in...... I would say there is a slight issue. He may enjoy the freedom that comes with a long distance relationship and therefore moving in with her seems a big step. One extreme to the other perhaps for him?

[Sceptre]

I know, JD.

Just had a text from her. She's only just heard she has got an interview down there, on Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!! What on earth to do????

[woofgang]

she's 30...she needs to deal with this on her own.....

[puddle-duck]

There are huge red flags for me reading this post. They have been together 5 years, yet as soon as there is talk of some sort of commitment he is making excuses. There comes a point in any relationship where it's either time to take the relationship forward or break up.

His excuse is pathetic to be quite honest. How does he know how they will get on unless he tries? Life is all about experience & the fact that he isn't even willing to give it a chance says a heck of a lot to me. When the push comes to the shove he's backing out.

Your daughter is old enough to make her own choices but she needs to be realistic here, she needs to look at the way he's dealing with this situation. If he truly cared for her he would be happy that they were moving forward.

My advice would be to tell your daughter to run as fast as she can in the opposite direction. Seriously this guy reeks of commitment issues & he'll only bring her nothing but pain & misery.

[Canary42]

Ignore all the banter and sexual discussion and READ VHG's post - it sums it up perfectly.

[cupotee]

I'd definitely be running in the opposite direction.

I would have lived in a shed to be with my other half....many years down the line I still would.

Run run run....

[Dee Sa]

whose idea was it that they moved in together ? she was willing to move 300 miles to him but did he ever offer to make the sacrifice and move to her. At 29 you cannot tell her what she should do but its for sure this man does not want them to live together may he has made up the story of the gay man to put her off ? Its hard but its time for her to move on and find someone else, there is no future in remaining in this so called relationship.