Old enemy

[4getmenot]

A girl in my past was a right bitch to me and caused alot of problems in my life. She isnt about now and life has moved on thank god. But I will be seeing her in the summer at a friends wedding. Thing is whenever I see her I shake and cant hold a drink because my hands shake everywhere. This isnt me being scared coz she is nothing to be scared of but she winds me up that much that the adrenaline in me makes me shake. Any way I can stop this?

[4getmenot]

Amara thank you for your post, but I couldnt ever forgive her. As I said before there is no reason for me to be speaking to her so I will just ignore her all day. There is no point in me going up and shaking her hand. I forgave her the once and she did it all again, so how many times can you really forgive?? I gave her her chance.

[4getmenot]

And amara did you also know although 4getmenot are very beautiful they are infact a weed. :-)

[Amara]

Hi again - When we forgive someone for their wrong doings it doesn't mean we have to go back to where we were before with them. We don't even have to tell them. What it does do is set US free from the pain, bitterness and feelings associated with the situation. Therefore WE are the powerful one! It is not about being weak and giving in - it is about setting ourselves free. It is a wonderful, joyful place to be. If you have a painful ingrowing toenail you have it removed and let it go - you dont ignore it and let it fester inside of you. Let the Goddess in you out! Love and light to you always - Amara x

[Amara]

And did you also know this - "This is a flower connected with romance and tragic fate. It was often worn by ladies as a sign of faithfulness and enduring love."

[gill3891]

I hope you read this 4getmenot, but I've been in the same kinda situation with a girl that caused me so much bother, not with my b/f but in other ways. We don't talk anymore and I recently seen her at a group gathering. I was shaking all over of the thought of talking to her or even having to look at her!! The best thing to do is be with friends that understand the situation and avoid her at all costs! Take the high road and don't let her know how much she bothers you! Hope it goes ok!

[tigilou]

Hi 4getmenot have you ever taken the herbal tablets called Kalms they are very good they will settle your nerves and another amazing potion is Bachs rescue remedy availible from boots and you just put 4 drops on your tounge and all the shaking will go i am a very nervous person and (its nothing like your situation) used it when taking my driving test as i was a wreck i felt like i was having a fit lol. Anyway passed my test first time with 2 minor faults the best my instructor has ever had so i swear by it and take them with you. You will proabably will still shake when you set eyes on her but this could make it a bit easier i dont know if this helps you at all. and i would like to say give her a nice smile and walk away that will kick her in the guts rather than ignoring her as she will think she is getting to you still

[snook]

4getmenot, you're not going to let her spoil your plans, so you�re going to see this person at the wedding, that�s just a fact. All you can do then is make sure you cope. Here�s a way you might find useful.

Get very relaxed, close your eyes, and imagine being at the wedding, face to face with her, and being very calm and composed, just like you�d want to be. Imagine a brief conversation. It�s all going your way, you�re taking the initiative, she�s the one feeling a bit ill-at-ease. Imagine walking away after your little chat, knowing you�ve exorcised those demons. Make sure that your feelings are really positive and enjoyable, and make them as real as you can. And as you imagine it all, smile!

The human brain can�t tell the difference between an actual event and one that�s vividly imagined. Because of this fact, mental rehearsal can cause the brain to relearn certain behaviour patterns, and quite quickly too. If you go through this little daydream a few times a day from now to the wedding day, you might find that any anxiety starts to fade, and when you actually meet her those feelings will be replaced by a calmness that will surprise you.

I know it might sound a bit simplistic, and it may not always work, but it�s a method that�s widely used and often does work. Just remember to imagine the scenes very vividly, using all your senses (e.g. imagine what she looks like, sounds like, her mannerisms, etc) and experience the feelings of being calm and in control as though it�s actually happening now.

You could also repeat a phrase over and over (e.g. �calm and in control�) when you�re feeling good. This will also help to program your brain positively and will help you to feel calmer than you might imagine possible right now.

Good luck! Have a nice time at the wedding!

[4getmenot]

snook, gill3891, amara, tigilou, andy-hughes, smudge teag1rl, cymebile and trojanforce you are all so kind and helpful. I am gonna cope with it from now on and imagine in my head having the best time and not letting her get to me at all. I think I may have to overdose on Kalms too :-) but you have all actually made me get nearer to the goal on the day, you dont know how much ALL you guys have helped. Thank You. xx

[teag1rl]

hi 4getmenot.

bored and checking back on old threads. Just a word of warning and one that might make you smile. Make sure the kalms you take are in-date. I was really nervous about some public speaking I had to do so dug some out of back of cupboard that were years old, anyway, to cut a long story short I was talking away, started to feel all weird, then came-to on the floor. I wouldn't necessarily say they were to blame for the fainting episode but maybe they calmed me a bit too much!

Hope the wedding goes OK-I'm sure you'll be just fine!

[4getmenot]

Cheers for the word of warning teag1rl :-)