Friendly Advice

[Maydup]

My friend is over critical of people; she is extremely well organised and sensible but completely intolerant of anyone who is not. Its affecting her relationships with her colleagues at work and her family. Its also making her stressed because she's permanently cross with everyone.

We talk about it sometimes and she understands that she'd be doing herself a favour if she lightened up but it lasts a few days and she's back to her exhausting self.

I know I can't change her but i wish I could think of way to soften her attitude. Maybe she's over compensating for something?

Any thoughts ABers?

[pixie373]

I have a friend like that. She's very competitive and i think it makes her feel better to judge other people. To be fair, she's often right, however I've noticed a lot of our friends aren't visiting quite so often. I suppose, if she is already aware of it herself, there's not much more you can do.

[Maydup]

You're right pixie, there's not much i can do to help her. I just feel for her sometimes because she is so stressed yet much of it could be down to her frustration with others.

[pixie373]

Maybe make a point of talking about people's good points. Help her pick up the habit and show her that she doesn't need to criticise other people.

[society]

It sounds like your friend thinks that she's above and better than everyone else. I don't think there much you could say to such a person, they think they are always right.

[EcclesCake]

I wonder if she has low self esteem and is off-setting this by putting herself above others by criticising them to make herself feel better?!?!

Does she have any history of depression?

[Peter Pedant]

.
erm shoot her ?

[Maydup]

Thanks all. I think she is heading for a bout of depression Eccles and you are probably right about her low self esteem. I will try to encourage her to see her own good points as well as those of others.

[woofgang]

its the old psychologist and lightbulb joke I am afraid.
How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.......

[flump1]

Maybe a form of OCD kicking about ? It might be that your friend sees everything as black and white with no grey area allowed. It can be treated with therapy and possible medication if that is the case. You mentioned depression another common tie in with OCD. Maybe a trip to her GP with support before she manages to alienate all her friends?

[Maydup]

Everyone is right!!! Determined, slight OCD, low self esteem all applies!

I'll do my best to stick with her and see if i can just be there to soften her blows when she delivers them.

[ClaryS]

maydup -get her to read this book. She may recognise her personality trait in there and it will help her to understand why she reacts as she does and coping strategies. Eldest daughter read it when she was doing a course for work and its very interesting, no psychobabble just plain talking.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-For-Dummies/dp/0470667206

[Maydup]

Good idea Clary, i would find that interesting myself. I might get it and lend it to her.