Son Has Ran Away 130 Miles To Fathers House : (

[Smowball]

Hello. To cut long story short my son and his step father have not been getting on at all - and 90% of the problem has been my husbands fault. I had to go out on Sunday morning and left son watching tv - when I got bk 3 hrs later he was gone. My husband had been home and son had told him he was going to shops. After calling and calling his mobile he eventually txt to say he was on a train to his dads - 120 miles away! he doesn't see his dad from one year to the nxt and never hears from him. I have full residence but have spoken on phone to son and he is refusing point blank to come home, and wants to stay with his dad permanently.

I am devastated and do not want this at all. His dad has anger issues and many other problems which is why we split up. I really do not want to go down the legal route as it is so stressful for all, and I don't want to alienate my son but just don't know what to do. Son keep saying that I cannot physically force him to come home. Please - any advice?? xx

[Barmaid]

Right, OK, it's gone legal. Yes he can do that. He will have gone for an ex parte application (ie without notice to you). On a temporary basis the COurt is likely to Grant the application. They will then order that the papers be served on you. Normally the return date (ie the next hearing date) will be within 7 days (since schooling is clearly an issue).

I would contact the Court (ask for Family listings and see what they will tell you - probably nothing as a minor is involved). Ask your ex hubby for a copy of the papers or the name of his solicitor.

There will be a hearing sometime over the next few days where you should attend. CAFCASS will undoubtedly be asked to become involved and they will interview your son, your ex, you, your hubby - potentially also the school where he currently attends.

You ought to seek legal advice from an experience Family practitioner as soon as possible. AND BLOODY WELL MAKE YOUR HUSBAND PAY FOR IT.

[Smowball]

Oh dear god. Will it be at court near him or near me ??

[mccfluff]

sorry to hear this smow, hope it all works out

if it helps any, i went to live with my dad because life with my mum was so "unfair".....wasn't long till i was back home.....

[Barmaid]

Most likely near him. I know it is possible to transfer Family Proceedings to different COurts but dont know what the rules are. Best seek the advice of a proper Family Practitioner. It certainly might be important that whichever court hears it has access to the previous file.

[Barmaid]

Smow, you really should go and see a Family lawyer. ASAP.

[granny grump]

I don’t know if this will help now that this has ‘gone legal’ . I met grand dad G when he had been divorced for 2 years and me for 7. He had 3 daughters and I had no children. Two of the girls lived with their mum and the third lived with her boyfriend. The ex wife had alcohol and relationship issues and after a particularly fraught incident she asked us to take the girls. We went to court and arranged a residence order for the youngest daughter but as the middle daughter was 14 she was able to choose and she chose to live with us. They maintained contact with their mum which could be disruptive but not a problem with the youngest daughter however the middle daughter became extremely insolent and started stealing from us - however I left it to their dad to deal with and supported him. It didn’t get better and so after about 18 months I said that I couldn’t deal with it any more. I had a word with her explaining how her behaviour was upsetting the whole household and gave her three options.
We could all live as a family in which case she pulled her weight and made the effort to get along – my preferred option.
She could live with us as a lodger in which case she paid rent – she had a part-time job or
She could move out.
Without batting an eyelid she said I’ll go and went back to her mother.
All happened more than 20 years ago now. We are extremely close to the eldest and youngest daughters but have lost all contact with the middle daughter despite trying to maintain it. Sad but I genuinely believe that we tried everything and changed our lives and homes several times to in an effort to make things right. Hope things work out for you and your son and husband smowball good luck :-)

[Smowball]

Ive just got a list of lawyers drawn up Barmaid : (

[pixie373]

I really feel for you, smowball. While my logical side says, he's 14, old enough to decide and he might change his mind anyway, the mum part of me would be "give me my child back!". I really hope it works out for all of you. It still might be worth your husband going to speak to him, if your son will? (unless barmaid says bad idea).
At least you do know where he is, and hopefully that he is safe.

[Traci66]

Sorry to hear this smow, I had the same problems with my children and step children, if things weren't going their way, they upped and left to live with the other parent, that is until I said if that was what they wanted (mine to be with their dad, step kids with their mum) then I would go along with it, but it had to be for keeps, there was to be no playing us off one against the other, all four saw sense at some point and came back to us and never tried it again.

Really do hope it all works out for you.

[lady-janine]

smow - just forget all i said before. sending hugs for you ((()))

[Peter Pedant]

hugz smowball

I hope you can get to an acceptable settlement - which is OK for all parties

your current keeps apologising... and doesnt say - let him go, he really p+sses me off ! and the money clock has started.....

I hope you can get to some sort of settlement....

[anneasquith]

90%of the problem has been my husbands fault.............is it any wonder this child ran away, im sorry smo but you have a choice to make.

[beso]

Too little too late. You are just going to have to let your son and his father find their own way through this. Help them. Anything you do to inhibit it will damage your relationship and achieve nothing positive

They have not had much to do with each other for a while. Give them some time to work at it. Pretty soon the reality will cut in place of the fantasy he has about his absent father. It might be good for both of them.

BTW I get the subtle impression you might have traded one man for one not so different.

[rockyracoon]

Smow, been thinking about you today, how are things, any news?

[Smowball]

Posted an update lastnite RR xx