Stewart Francis

[marval]

In school I wanted to join the debating team… but someone talked me out of it.

I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas tree. The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.

I was a trampoline salesman… off and on.

I married way too young… she was Chinese.

I like what mechanics wear, overall.

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras; I still have flashbacks.

I have mixed-race parents, my father prefers 100 meters.

The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job, especially if you’ve got hay fever.

I was sitting in traffic the other day, and I got run over.

People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me.

[jim360]

Stewart Francis remains the only comedian whose show I've gone to see live.

[frugalfred]

Being a trampoline salesman - the business is up and down. But things bounce back, I guess.

[vauny]

I went out with a Dutch girl who wore inflateable shoes - till she popped her clogs

[frugalfred]

LOL @ vauny!

[Chipchopper]

I took my letter to the post office, to be weighed and posted, then cashier number 5 gave me the appropriate stamp.
Do I stick this on myself, I inquired ?
No just stick it on the letter she said.

[cupid04]

Lol to all of them! The second one's my favourite.

[Svejk]

jolly good. sort of stuff you can work into pub conversations,,,,,,,,,,,,,if I can remember them. ;)

[1ozzy]

"People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me."
"like"

Took my one year old to a family gathering the other day. As they peered into the pram one relative said "Ooh look, he has uncle Fredricks nose", another said "yes and auntie Ednas lips. The next comment was uncle Georges ears followed by grand fathers eyes.
I had suggested to my partner that a pocket knife wasn't a suitable gift for a first birthday.

[smartowl]

I was once engaged to a contortionist, but she broke it off!

[1ozzy]

Thanks for the acknowledgement Marval.
I enjoy your humour.