Divorce

[doormat2014]

My sister is in her 40's, and has been married for 22 years, and has three children, who are 21,19, and 16. The youngest is about to leave school, and the other two are unemployed currently. Her husband is never respectful to the children, but wants their respect for him. He speaks to them with not much respect, he doesn't listen when they speak to him, as his laptop, xbox, TV or his phone have his complete attention. He shows his wife absolutely no attention unless they're in the bedroom and he thinks his luck is in. Last weekend was their 22nd wedding anniversary, and not once did he utter the words I Love You to his wife. She had said saturday night in the bedroom was going to be their special time, and he immediately asked her if he could take photos of her naked. He has asked this several times, and she has agreed, even though she isn't comfortable. He is the same age as her. He has accused her of cheating, after snooping through all her personal possessions, i.e. handbag, diary, etc, and finding nothing, but still has accused her. She decided to go through his personal possessions, and accessed his laptop, and found he has been looking for dogging sites, escorting sites, and asking questions to google all to do with sex. She now wants to divorce him, but doesn't know her first step. Does she just pack her things, and go and stay somewhere else, or does she stay in the house where they all live, until she gets a house for her and the children. Can I please have advice, so I can help her to make the first move towards freedom from this unloving male.

[grasscarp]

As there is a house and children involved she should get legal advice if she wants a divorce.

[Buenchico]

The ease with which she could get a divorce would largely depend upon whether or not her husband agreed to it. Since he doesn't seem to have committed adultery (and he clearly hasn't deserted her), the only quick way to a divorce is if she can show that he is guilty of unreasonable behaviour (which, despite his actions, he might well not accept). Otherwise she can't get a divorce until they've been separated for 2 years (and then only if he agrees to it) or they've been apart for 5 years:
https://www.gov.uk/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

So the first thing your sister needs to do is to decide whether she's going to file for divorce on the grounds of 'unreasonable behaviour' (and risk the messy arguments that can arise from it) or simply walk out now and leave divorce until later. (If she does decide to file for divorce, the links from the page I've provided will explain the process).

[Sycamore3House]

Does she need to find accommodation for her children as well as the older two are adults? In a divorce settlement the youngest child would be the only one to provide for usually until the age of 18 or the end go full time education.

[atalanta]

As I say so often, start with the Citizens Advice Bureau. They can arrange a preliminary meeting with a solicitor for a small fee or maybe even nothing if the enquirer is broke.