custody problem

[utk4fn]

I got away from a very abusive husband who molested his half sister and is very involved w/ insestious porn. My problem is the courts didn't want to hear about it so my daughter has constant visits w/ him in another state. Last summer she had 3 months w/ him and came home talking about how she had to sleep in his bed, and she has boobies. She is only 3 yrs old. I am so concerned for her safety, I don't want her to pay for the mistake I made. What can I do to help her when nobody will listen? I try to tell her about special places and nobody can touch her but I dont say anything bad about him. He didn't seem to care anything about her until I got remairred and now he wont leave us alone and ignores the court orders and I just dont know what to do.

[tigilou]

Hi utk4fn don't send her again i really really would go and seek help solicitor, social services anywhere if you feel your child is at risk dont let her go let it go back to the courts again and make sure you are represented the man if you can call him that needs locking up. Take her to the doctor and explain the situation what she has said to you etc and if you do send her keep a diary of anything she says but if this was my daughter she wouldnt leave my sight. I hope you get things sorted and keep us posted i wish you all the luck x

[zara 4]

I agree 100% with tigilou,this man should have nothing to do with your daughter if the courts or social services dont listen then the media would!

[noxlumos]

Hi Utk, right well what you need to do is firstly eliminate the threat he poses to your daughter and secondly go back to court and hopefully make them aware of his history in a way that they are forced to listen to.

Firstly I agree with the two posters above, don't send your daughter to him again and if he breaches the court's orders as you say he is then call the police. If he is aggressive and or abusive to you then try to obtain a restraining order against him.

Get some form of legal representation. You sound by your phrasing as if you are in the US and I'm afraid I'm very unfamiliar with the court system over there so may not be of much help, but I am assuming that the court has an officer which dealt with your case and that there is some agency for child protection. Approach both, but preferably after you have gained some legal advice. Explain that you feel he is a threat to your daughter and why. Try and get as much evidence against him as possible, the court will be more sympathetic if you can prove at least something, otherwsie he'll just stand there and say "this is sour grapes and all lies", and they'll have to try and work out whose telling the truth. How do you know he molested his sister? Was he charged? Was there a complaint made? If so get details of it and sell it to the court for all it's worth.If there is a shred of proof that he is that morally corrupt then the court will be very sympathetic to you, but it is proof they'll want so rack your brains.

Meanwhile the people who posted above are full of great advice, take it and keep your little girl away from him if at all possible.

[mycatis]

Do you speak to his sister? Would she help you (and herself) by making a complaint against him?

I dont know about the American court system but if he is involved with incestious porn there might be evidence of this in his house, on a computer maybe? Tell the courts and the police, if necessary got a private detective (if their evidence would be admisable in court) to dig stuff up.

But the most important thing is what everone else has said, DO NOT let this man near your child again!!!

Good luck, please get back in touch and tell us how you are doing. x x x

[alietrace]

if he ignore the court orders then go straight to your local polise station and tell them everything. Cos if you don't get it sorted and your daughter is abused then the blame could be pointed at your new husband!! so think on, get it sorted now. If needs be then move and "forget" to tell him. Do whatever it takes to protect your girl even if he finds you and it goes to court etc, it could all take years and by that time she will be 10 or 14 or 16. PLEASE protect her now, my mum never protected me and the saddest thing is that her last word to me on her death bed was "Sorry". Need I say more?????????

[utk4fn]

Thank you for all the advice. :) My attorney has said I can't deny visits. In the states if you make it look like you don't want the child to have a relationship w/ the dad the courts will automaticly give the custody to the dad. I had a video tape of the insestious magazines I found in his office and I know he had most of the things on his computer. He spent most of his days in there w/ the door shut. I know he did stuff w/ his web camera. I had an audio tape recording of a conversation w/ his sister who said, she has forgiven him because it happened a long time ago and that I shouldn't worry because he loves his daughter. I tried to explain to her that it doesn't matter if these people love their kids. They are still usually the ones who molest. It's a problem he needs to get help for. She wouldn't listen to me, but she is young and does'nt have children, so I guess she doesn't know the pain a mother can have for a child.

2 judges refused to look at my evidence or hear about it. The first judge just warned him and said, You better make sure the military doesn't find out about this, and the 2nd judge wouldn't look at anything because he said, another judge had already ruled on it.

I' ve spent so much money on attorneys and he hasn't paid me the child support he owes or other monies the court told him to pay and now I don't really have the money to keep paying attornies. I just feel like I have to keep my mouth shut and follow the court order, even if he does'nt, because he keeps making threats that he wants to take custody from me and I know he has a lot of money. THERE HAS JUST GOT TO BE SOMETHING I CAN DO TO BE HEARD.....THIS HAS BEEN A 2 YEAR NIGHTMARE FOR ME AND I KNOW SUMMER IS COMING QUICKLY AND HE WILL HAVE HER FOR ANOTHER 3 MONTHS WITH NO SUPERVISION.

I HAVE BEEN PRAYING A LOT.....

[WendyS]

Do you have Child Protection Team at your Borough Council's Social Services Department? (I'm in the UK so it may be called something different in your country) I think it's important to document your fears about a 3 year old child who is forced to share a bed with a man who has previously molested a member of his family. Also, I would contact your lawyer again and try to have the visits legally cancelled. Meanwhile, I suggest you don't let your daughter go there until this issue has been resolved.

[little coojy]

would the courts there listen more if you asked for no overnight visits and a third person ie social worker or friend to be present at all visits, i no they do it here, your childs safety is paramount and no judge should ignor this hope all works out, good luck!!!