How to be a Woman's Friend

[RedRockx]

It sounds absurd to say this in the year 2010, but it is almost impossible to be a 'friend' to a woman in the same sense as you could be with a guy. And I find this very tragic.

I am well aware that there are many exceptions to such a broad statement (thankfully), and that the whole topic of male - female relationships is complex beyond belief. But in my opinion, sexuality is so deeply hard-wired into all of us (perhaps so we would survive as a species, duh?), that simple friendship between a man and a woman is the exception, not the rule.

I raise this issue having recently lost a married male friend of mine in a car accident. I've known his wife since they were married over ten years ago. Never a hint of anything sexual, which made it so great to be with them. Because there was no sexual element at all, we could tell dirty jokes, nothing was off-limits to chat about, etc. You get the picture.

I was at a loss in knowing how to console Anne right after the funeral. And I thought things would get better with time. But at some point grief has to give way to a return to a normal life. No one wants that more than Anne herself, of course, but now I would never think of speaking, joking and sharing the adventures of life with her. It's just so awkward now; it's so easy to be misinterpreted.....

Anyone have any wisdom to share on this?

[jackthehat]

Introduce her to Julie and Matt...............

[B00]

lmao @ Jack, nice one!

[Count-A-Strong]

Come on guys this is a new poster who needs some good advice.

I think you should try to be as natural as possible around her. This should hopefully smooth her path back to normal life through the greiving process.

[bigfoot3000]

Just be there for her and one day she just may start the jokes and innuendo etc.. and you'll know she's back, then again she may never go back to that place as deaths sometimes changes people. Just be there for her and play it by ear time is a great healer.

[looobylooo]

yeah, i agree with count, just be supportive around her, a shoulder to cry on etc, your good friendship will survive and be even stronger.
youll feel comfortable again soon to chat about things with her, it just needs a bit of time thats all .. :o)

[looobylooo]

yes, good advice too bigfoot, your post wasnt there when i began to tap tap.

[bigfoot3000]

No problem loobyloo!

[askyourgran]

I agree with the Count and bigfoot. Just be there for her, tell her that you miss your friend and don't want to lose her friendship as well, try to explain how awkward you are feeling. Maybe sitting down and reminiscing with her you could bridge that barrier and tell her what you are thinking. On the other hand she may wish to make a complete break from the life that she had and look for a new life without the memories.

[looobylooo]

aww, and my little two penneths worth wasnt any good then no gran? ;o/

[B00]

count/looby/bigfoot

http://www.theanswerb...g/Question908909.html

[looobylooo]

hmmmmmmmm .................................. thanks boo

[pericat]

This is better than corrie

[askyourgran]

Sorry Loobie your post wasn't there, I'd typed mine out, answered the phone, and then submitted the answer.

[askyourgran]

Well done B00.

[looobylooo]

thats ok gran!

[joko]

this sounds more like your issue than hers though....just carry on as normal...obviously when shes ready to joke again...

is there in face more to your feeling that you have admitted...i mean she is now single and i suppose the way is clear for you in the future...this has obviously occurred to you...

and think they can be platonic, but you seem to have added a new issue to the mix...

[Scarlett]

I think you may fear that she secretly has fancied you all this time and that's why you can't imagine being her friend without the security of her husband there. You think she may misinterpret your friendship as something more. Sad though it is, it is really hard for men and women to be just friends, (unless they are gay so the sexual element is not there) in my experience. One side always does fancy the other, or at least imagine that one day there may be more than there currently is. This is a really old post now, but I do wonder what you ended up doing?!