Disowning Dad

[JulieParsons]

Can my 11 year old son and my 8 year old son disown their dad?

It sounds alwful but we have been through so much because of him. Now my boys have come to see what he is really like and they dont like what they see...

[noxlumos]

I don't think it's awful as such, but I do think the very best way of disowning someone is to simply forget them and not let their horrible ways affect you anymore.My father physically abused me when I was a child and I struggled for years trying to rid myslf of the negative effect he'd had on me and in the end it was almost absurdly simple, just decide that he's not going to affect you any more.So simple I don't really think anyone could have explained the dramatic effect it had on me.So yeah, just live your life and be happy and he'll be thoroughly disowned.

[TraciJ2]

Julie, Im no expert, but i do also think that if he has regular contact with your sons, and it has been organised via the courts etc - then you're going to have to prove he is a bad influence on your sons and possibly your eldest may have to see a CAFCASS officer to explain his feelings and thoughts. Sadly, your 8 yrs old is too young to be 'heard' in the eyes of the court - but please be aware that you MAY be thought of as putting these thoughts into their minds (im NOT saying you are) but be warned from somebody whose been through it too, the courts can be extremely unkind to both parents!

Good luck and best wishes for a happier future - P.S just keep telling your sons, like your already probably doing - that YOU love them and YOU will look after them but dont promise them something you cannot produce.

Traci xx

[DancingDoris]

Hi Julie,

Until 2 yrs ago I hadn't spoken to my dad in over 8 years. I was only 18 when what seemed trivial to him and a huge change to me, led me to make the descision not to see him anymore. It was my own choice. We are now best of friends after a close friend lost her father who she never spoke to, it almost broke her and i didn't want that to happen to me.

If you think your sons have made the decision of their own accord and have a genuine reason behind this then it may be the best course of action for the time being. They may, in time, as I have, see reasons for reversing their decision. If they are truly unhappy seeing their father then let it be!

[campbellking]

It's difficult if he has access. My cousin's children had regular access with their Dad, who would let them down at the last moment, and give them horrific verbal abuse. Luckily, they're now nineteen and seventeen and feel able to say they don't want anything more to do with him.

[harrassed]

i too am having the same problem as yourself and despite my son speaking to CAFCASS ,Drs and "other people in the know" i am being blamed for putting these ideas and words into his head.I am still fighting it and I wish you the best of luck!