ChatterBank1 min ago
Late Lightbulb Moment?
12 Answers
Triggered by a dream I had a couple of nights ago, I started to think again about the events surrounding the end of a relationship – this was about 20 years ago! I realised two things (doesn’t matter what they were), one of which I’d failed to spot at the time and another which I’d misinterpreted afterwards.
Has that sort of thing ever happened to you where years after a significant event – and based only on memory, NOT some sort of documentary evidence – you’ve remembered/realised something which, in some way or another, has made a huge difference, maybe even turned the event on its head?
PS: Could have posted this in ‘Relationships’ but didn’t because it just so happens that what I remembered was connected to a relationship. Your experience could be related to something entirely different.
Has that sort of thing ever happened to you where years after a significant event – and based only on memory, NOT some sort of documentary evidence – you’ve remembered/realised something which, in some way or another, has made a huge difference, maybe even turned the event on its head?
PS: Could have posted this in ‘Relationships’ but didn’t because it just so happens that what I remembered was connected to a relationship. Your experience could be related to something entirely different.
Answers
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Yes often
because I think alot about the past
One's change of mind doesnt change the events of the past of course.
and so you are left with - "Oh that is why they did X whereas I didnt understand before"
usually the light bulb motives do not involves someone behaving like an unrecognised saint but from the basest motives - sex money or parking spaces.
BUT I also find....
that if you go back to the documents.... your recent memory is wrong and the old analysis is the correct one.
I think my most head turning event was this:
http://
not so much light bulb as nuclear blast
as we all said no I dont believe this
The fella in question had a significant role in administration of the hospital and THAT explained why he had behaved administratively as he had done.
as you can see, I am somewhat unforgiving about this one.....
Usually the light bulb moment does not involve someone behaving like an unrecognised saint but from the basest motives - sex money or parking spaces.
because I think alot about the past
One's change of mind doesnt change the events of the past of course.
and so you are left with - "Oh that is why they did X whereas I didnt understand before"
usually the light bulb motives do not involves someone behaving like an unrecognised saint but from the basest motives - sex money or parking spaces.
BUT I also find....
that if you go back to the documents.... your recent memory is wrong and the old analysis is the correct one.
I think my most head turning event was this:
http://
not so much light bulb as nuclear blast
as we all said no I dont believe this
The fella in question had a significant role in administration of the hospital and THAT explained why he had behaved administratively as he had done.
as you can see, I am somewhat unforgiving about this one.....
Usually the light bulb moment does not involve someone behaving like an unrecognised saint but from the basest motives - sex money or parking spaces.
I did have one recently PP - but not quite of the sort you and anax are referring to ...
http://
http://
Jno
OK, I’ll try to keep it short! A (very) potted history:
The relationship lasted about 6 years. We had one falling out after maybe 4 years, but Alison’s (not her real name) mum banged our heads together and we sorted it out.
A company I worked for went bust, but I managed to buy the piece of typesetting kit I used there and set up on my own. A colleague (I’ll call her Claire) invested in what was at the time a high end PC and set up a ‘vanity publishing’ business – I earned some extra cash by helping her with illustrations and some headline typesetting. Alison began to suspect something was going on, but that was never the case. I just wouldn’t.
A couple of months before we finally split we’d gone out to buy Alison a new outfit for some event we’d been invited to. Reversing out of the space in the multi-storey I gently tapped a car in the opposite bay – the rear view mirror, glued to the windscreen, had fallen off. The only damage was a cracked headlight. I left a note with my details, saying I’d pay for the repair. The guy decided this was an opportunity to get me to pay for what amounted to a complete rebuild of the front of his car.
Some weeks later Alison and I had big row and I ended up sleeping in the spare room, the one that doubled as my recording studio.
Then, maybe 10 days later, I was in the kitchen making an early morning coffee when the phone rang. It was him again, trying it on. When the call ended Alison was at the top of the stairs and she asked me who had been on the phone. VERY foolishly I said it was just a personal call (I didn’t want what this guy was doing to add even more stress). Alison blew her top and I was out.
I instigated no contact after that. But over the next month or so Alison invited for a meal at a restaurant and, some weeks later, a full day together at Warwick Castle (over lunch there she got quite tearful). In my mind it felt like Alison somehow wanted to parachute down from the sudden split, maybe even rub in what I was missing.
The two things I’ve realised?
That phone call. It now seems far more likely she thought I’d been talking to Claire, whereas I’d always thought she’d taken my response as a sort of ‘mind your own business’. That latter idea doesn’t seem plausible now. Would “Just a personal phone call” be reason to end a 6-year relationship?
And the meetings afterwards? Well, the split happened because of a phone call whose true nature wasn’t really known, so it was almost… well, I suppose it genuinely was a moment of madness. Had the roles been reversed and I wasn’t 100% sure about the circumstances I’m sure I’d be doubting my decision. For all I know Alison may have even contacted Claire and had confirmation that the phone call hadn’t involved her.
I’ve tried to be brief – sorry if it appears long-winded.
OK, I’ll try to keep it short! A (very) potted history:
The relationship lasted about 6 years. We had one falling out after maybe 4 years, but Alison’s (not her real name) mum banged our heads together and we sorted it out.
A company I worked for went bust, but I managed to buy the piece of typesetting kit I used there and set up on my own. A colleague (I’ll call her Claire) invested in what was at the time a high end PC and set up a ‘vanity publishing’ business – I earned some extra cash by helping her with illustrations and some headline typesetting. Alison began to suspect something was going on, but that was never the case. I just wouldn’t.
A couple of months before we finally split we’d gone out to buy Alison a new outfit for some event we’d been invited to. Reversing out of the space in the multi-storey I gently tapped a car in the opposite bay – the rear view mirror, glued to the windscreen, had fallen off. The only damage was a cracked headlight. I left a note with my details, saying I’d pay for the repair. The guy decided this was an opportunity to get me to pay for what amounted to a complete rebuild of the front of his car.
Some weeks later Alison and I had big row and I ended up sleeping in the spare room, the one that doubled as my recording studio.
Then, maybe 10 days later, I was in the kitchen making an early morning coffee when the phone rang. It was him again, trying it on. When the call ended Alison was at the top of the stairs and she asked me who had been on the phone. VERY foolishly I said it was just a personal call (I didn’t want what this guy was doing to add even more stress). Alison blew her top and I was out.
I instigated no contact after that. But over the next month or so Alison invited for a meal at a restaurant and, some weeks later, a full day together at Warwick Castle (over lunch there she got quite tearful). In my mind it felt like Alison somehow wanted to parachute down from the sudden split, maybe even rub in what I was missing.
The two things I’ve realised?
That phone call. It now seems far more likely she thought I’d been talking to Claire, whereas I’d always thought she’d taken my response as a sort of ‘mind your own business’. That latter idea doesn’t seem plausible now. Would “Just a personal phone call” be reason to end a 6-year relationship?
And the meetings afterwards? Well, the split happened because of a phone call whose true nature wasn’t really known, so it was almost… well, I suppose it genuinely was a moment of madness. Had the roles been reversed and I wasn’t 100% sure about the circumstances I’m sure I’d be doubting my decision. For all I know Alison may have even contacted Claire and had confirmation that the phone call hadn’t involved her.
I’ve tried to be brief – sorry if it appears long-winded.
yes, that all makes sense... tbh, I don't think you did anything foolish in saying it was a personal call, because it was. I suppose maybe you could have spotted why she might have thought differently; but I don't think you should be beating yourself up about this (if you are). She behaved oddly and you've now thought of a possible reason, but it still might not be the right one, for all that.
Probably the only thing you could do is make like Nick Hornby in High Fidelity and go and ask her.
Probably the only thing you could do is make like Nick Hornby in High Fidelity and go and ask her.
It was 20 years ago, jno - no chance of that! There's never been any contact.
As for eating me, certainly not. Originally I wasn't even going to mention the circumstances. I'm just interested in the idea that either a suppressed memory or sudden realisation (about any personal event) can suddenly happen after a gap of many years.
As for eating me, certainly not. Originally I wasn't even going to mention the circumstances. I'm just interested in the idea that either a suppressed memory or sudden realisation (about any personal event) can suddenly happen after a gap of many years.
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