Dementia

[interele]

I have a relative with dementia and some conversations are very difficult.
What shoud I do ? For example, in one conversation he asked if his mum and dad
were coming to visit. Since the person concerned is 83 and his parents
died nearly fourty years ago, I just said I didn't think so.
Do you correct them or just go with the flow so to speak.

M

[anneasquith]

IMO , just go with the flow. no point in correcting them, may cause them to become distressed.

[woofgang]

Go with the flow. Try not to actually lie but your answer was best. You could carry on by talking about what would happen that day, what would be likey to be for lunch and so on.

[boxtops]

No, don't correct them. The person thinks they are a child again. It would upset them dreadfully if you told them that the parents have died. Go with their flow.

[ubasses]

I agree with the previous 2 replies. In the early days I vowed not to lie to my Mum but it distressed her too much. These I day I just go with the flow and your answer was ideal.

[DTCwordfan]

Go with the flow - however, you should also determine the lucidity of the person on the day as they can have better days as well as real doozies. On the former, some correction may be possible but avoid being aggressive about it, more an encouragement to recall events and people, allowing them to 'time set'.... The more it goes on though, the need to go with the flow increases.

[Gavmacp]

Try leading questions such as "What do you remember of your parents?".

[carolegif]

My mother had Altzheimers. I remember her doctor telling me that her reality was real (she was having the hallucinations). It may not be our reality but for her it was real. I always went along with whatever she said after that.

[woofgang]

Gavmac, asking What do you remember of your parents" would be IMO not a good idea, in fact asking any kind of direct question apart from things like "would you like gravy?" are not a good idea, better to talk about related subjects and leave opportunities for them to join in.

[Gavmacp]

When I did psychiatry we were told not to reinforce someone's delusional ideas but things have changed quite considerably. Now people are taught to go with the delusional thinking as you can learn a lot.

[Cloverjo]

I agree with the others. It would upset him terribly if you told him the truth, and he would soon forget and so you'd tell him again. You did exactly the right thing. Don't lie, but don't upset him either.

[petal54]

It is very hard,my mum is in a care home now and frequently says things are 'going missing' that noone helps her,she has moved furniture behind her door as thought people were trying to kill her,but feels others there are all stupid,yet where to draw a line if there is a real problem

[atalanta]

My father used to ask about my brother who had died - we just said that the brother hadn't got a car at the moment. Not a lie, but not exactly the truth, either. But it did the trick.

[RATTER15]

I also agree, go with the flow and then try and change the subject. The other problem with telling them the truth "your parents are dead" etc. is you may have to tell them that many times a day, not good to learn your parents have died many times a day! for them it could well be the first time they have heard it every time they hear it.