Breaking Up...walking Out...heartbreaking

[dieseldick]

married 8 years. i have one 5 year old daughter who i love to bits but me and my wife have not got on for so long, its getting to the stage where we are beginning to just tolerate each other, theres no love there or at least very rarely. we dont go out together, we dont talk eye to eye and heart to heart. we have both stayed this last few years for the childs sake. she has 2 sons who came to live with us 1 year ago and this has had added tension. she is asian thai as are her 2 sons.

i walked out yesterday...haven,t stopped crying but my friends are saying its the best thing to do, i feel selfish .

i would like to hear you guys thoughts on this. those who have been through it. im 47 years old and dont ever want to marry again, too old to go through this again and hurt anyone or bring anymore innocent children into this world.

[grasscarp]

I am sorry to hear this. I can imagine her older sons moving in probably causes some of the problem. Your daughter will always be part of your life. I hope you can work things out Diesel.

[Psybbo]

Diesel, so sorry, I really feel for you. Lots of us have gone through it and I hope you get there xx

[Samuraisan]

Sorry to hear that Diesel. Must be a nightmare. But you have a child, be thankful and try to enjoy her as often as you can.

[ummmm]

No one said it would always be plain sailing.

What do you mean 'rarely' love there. Are you talking about physical love?

[seekeerz]

Sad, but sometimes necessary to preserve ones respect and even sanity when a relationship has really failed.

'Staying together for the children's sake ' is not always the answer and you seem to have reached that place.

Take things slowly, do take care of yourself, above all try to keep things amicable while you sort out the details for the sake of your daughter and good luck

[dieseldick]

ummmmmmm yes physical love , we have not been physical for years. emotionlly i think im a crutch for her, i think in her own ( thai cultural way ) she does love me. thai,s have a completely different way about them something no one will ever understand without being involved for years with them ...but anyway...it is my kid im hurting over...keep asking myself is this the right thing to do ? hurt kid ? hurt my wife , maybe ? hurting myself certainly !! i have no interest whatsover in any other woman . at all , none.

you woman think this is the right way ?

[Mamyalynne]

If you feel any true love you once had is gone,then splitting up may well be the best.

Try to be amicable and make clear arrangements re your daughter I really can't speak from experience as I have never been in your situation.

I do though hope you can find a happyish resolution.

[ummmm]

Your daughter is only 5. The chances are when she's older she won't really remember how she felt about you splitting up.

Will you get regular contact?

[dieseldick]

yes i will get regular contact for sure, that will not be an issue, in fact my daughter wants to go everywhere with me , she never ever wants to stay with mum, so i will take her full time even when of course im not away working or doing something else, she is my life and my best friend so i will allways have her. my wifes had 8-9 years off me, ive been through hell to get her a good life away from the bar girl scene in thailand, bought her new home in thailand, she has good amount of money now in her banks so she can go live her life now and i go mine i will not be a crutch for anyone ever again and certainly will not marry again on hindsight i think marriage is absurd ( 2 failed lol ) my only major concern is any man coming into my wifes life now could be no good or even abusive toward my daughter , i think all dads think this way but i allways tell my kid that if anyone ever was bad to her or made her keep secrets etc she has to tell me or her mum or teacher and that is constantly drummed into her .

[jourdain2]

I stayed many years more than I should have for the sake of my daughters. The split came when the youngest went to Uni. - but the relationship between her and me was badly damaged by her not understanding the situation and so always blaming me for the strains and stresses. She became very, very difficult and there have been occasions when she refused to contact me for a couple of months. It's been a long haul to get to our present, happy relationship. Just bear this in mind when thinking about what is best for your girl. Very best wishes for a good outcome.

[murraymints]

it is perhaps for the best..as they say pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again.....best of luck to you..things WILL get better , one day at a time ..take care x

[Samuraisan]

Just as a matter of interest, although it's none of my business, is there a big age difference between you and your wife?