Cheltenham Festival

[10ClarionSt]

This is an old joke. I've told it before on here but I think it's funny. One of Bernard Mannings' cleaner offerings. Honest! As a jockey walked into the parade ring, the trainer said, I want you to hold this horse back until you get to the 2 furlong marker, then give it all you've got. He's got to win today. I'm sick of all the failures he's had. If he doesn't do it today, he'll pulling a milk cart tomorrow. So as they reach the 2 furlong pole, the jockey gets the whip out. On the shoulders, on the ***. On the shoulders, on the ***. But they're going backwards. He goes again. On the shoulders, on the ***. The horse turned to the jockey and said, will you lay off with that fkn whip. I've got to get up at 3 in the morning.

[Quoi]

All that whipping sounds like 50 shades of grey mare

[Jackdaw33]

One of the funniest jokes I ever heard was shortly after I joined the RAF in 1968. A Bernard Manning type comedian wa hired to entertain the troops. He chain-smoked throughout his routine. As he lit up his nth cigarette, he said,"You'll see I'm smoking Embassy now. I used to smoke Nelson but they weren't good for my health. Firstly I lost an eye, secondly my arm fell off, and then the pigeons started sh****ng all over me"