Am I Right?

[HannyFanny]

Me and my boyfriend have been together 7 months now. He is just 16 and i am 15 (16 in june). Recently we have been talking about aleeping round eachothers houses. His mum is fine with it and doesn't have a problem, but my mum refuses to let me stay round his. I really need other peoples point of view on this....becuase i feel we have been together long enough now?!?!? Please help me!!! x x

[andrea_h]

What a nightmare - I had exactly the same problem when I was younger!!

I was 18/19 and my boyfriend was 24 and my dad wouldn't allow me to stay at his. This went on for ages and I lied to my dad for months about where I was (not that I recommend that bit of course ;) ). We've now been together for 10 years and married for the last 7 but I don't think my dad gave in until the wedding night!!

In fact, he still thinks I'm about 12 not almost 30 - God knows where he thinks my son came from!!

Its your parents job to tell you what they think is best for you - sometimes they're right, sometimes they're not - it up to you to prove that you are responsible enough but in the mean time you've got ot respect what your mum wants - I'm sure she'll come around eventually, it may take a while, especially if you are the oldest or an only child!! (my younger sister got away with LOADS more than me!)

A xXx

[Oneeyedvic]

Personally, I don't feel like saying that you should be able to sleep together as if your mum is dead against it and she finds out that you have been sleeping together, she can call the police and have your boyfriend arrested for having sex with a minor.

You really should wait until June for that reason alone (ie that for the sake of 2 months your bf can have a criminal record and be registered on te Sex offenders register).

Once you have turned 16, have a talk to your mum (i know it is difficult) and explain your feelings (beleive it or not she was young once and also had sex - and she still does!!).

My wife bought a double bed for my stepson when he was around your age as she knew what he would be up to - and she prefered it that he do it in comfort with a handy supply of condoms.

I appreciate that it is harder for a girl than a boy but there is little you can do about that.

So my advice - wait a couple of months and then discuss it further - and if you do decide to have sex - make sure you use protection.

[morg_monster]

I don't think it matters how long you've been together from mum's POV - if she doesn't want you sleeping together / doesn't want to think about you sleeping together, then she will not allow the situation where that could happen. (plus the fact you are not legal etc...) To push it will just cause arguments and she won't change her mind. At 16 I'd been going out with my BF for 2 years and I knew my mum wouldn't let him sleep over, so I didn't even bother asking. To be honest I would have felt so awkward about it if she had allowed it!

My advice would be - pick your battles! When I was younger I was a real good girl, or so mum and dad thought. I would always be in on time at night, never come home drunk, worked hard, blah blah, "listened" to my parents advice about sex (and then ignored it) - but they never knew that! I got so little hassle off them. My younger bro rolled in obviously drunk at and stinking of puke and smoke at 14 years old and after that mum and dad kept him on such a short leash regarding parties and going out etc (though he was no worse behaved than me really).

You will not be able to change her mind. Its her house and she doesn't want to be lying in bed at night thinking about her 15 yr old daughter in bed with her boyfriend... Have you got a spare room? Maybe you can ease her into the idea. But seriously, don't make a huge deal out of it, it will only come out worse for you in the end. I'm sure you'll be able to find ways around it in time... I know I did. If you show her you respect her views then she will give you more freedom eventually.

[ruthann58]

this is an age old problem parents seem to hate the thought of their kids doing it i agree with morgmonster be a good girl your mum dosent need to know .there are plenty of places other than bed.make sure you take precautions and are sure its what you want to do as most men are ruled by their underpants good luck

[Morrisonker]

It doesn't matter who's right here, the fact is that your mum has the final say. Personally I'd agree with her, i know many people have sex before they are legally supposed to, but by staying over at your boyfriends place you're being quite obvious that that is your intention.

Maybe you could talk to your mum about it rationally, be mature and reassure her that you're planning on, or are already using protection. If you get upset and have an arguement about it with her you won't get anywhere.

Another thing, if you haven't already slept with your boyfriend, you might want to consider waiting until you have the house to yourself rather than staying voer when his parents are about. You'll probably feel a lot more relaxed and won't have to worry about his parents hearing you etc.

[dancealot13]

Im only 24, and I would never have thought at 15 to sleep with my boyfriend at his house or my house. I had too much respect for my parents. I came from a party houshold, we always were allowed to live freely within reason (meaning parties, drinking, smokin). Infact I never had a curfew come to think of it. But I also didn't push the limits. If I ever did anything disrespectful..like sleep with my boyfriend when I was 15..I would be talked to for sure. It's not the type of behavior that is exceptable. Do it when your parents arn't around, why give them added stress and displeasure doing it in their home and while they're around?? I waited till I was 19 to have sex and after learning from my friends mistakes, it was the best decision I ever made for myself. Now I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we still don't sleep in the same bed when we're at my parents. Just out of respect for them..(we are allowed to of course). It's just different morals I guess. Plus you say you have been together for 7 months as if that is a long time,...but it really isn't..especially at 15. I know you may feel so old and mature, but you still have so much to learn. And what if you got pregnant? Can you handle all of the different situations that may arise?

I hate to take the pleasure out of it,..but I honestly don't get the impression that you think about all this, becuase if you did then you would understand why your mom is against it. Your mother is smart, you should listen to her.

[WendyS]

I know you probably both feel that at 16 you are adults and are capable of doing all the things which adults do but I wonder if you've really thought this though. Are you both still at school? What happens if you get pregnant? Who is going to support you and a baby? Your boyfriend? Or are you expecting your poor mother to step in? If you're not both financially capable of following through and taking responsibility for the results of your actions, you're not really adult enough to be doing them in the first place.

I support your mother's point of view. You feel you must have all of life's pleasure now instead of being prepared to wait and that in itself suggests a certain immaturity. The fact that you've been going out together for 7 months is really irrelevant. Your mum is paying the bills and she's calling the shots. She's not just taking this standpoint to be difficult. She's old enough to know what pitfalls could lie ahead for you and she knows that despite your wanting to act like an adult, you're probably not mature enough to cope if everything in this relationship goes pear-shaped. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

[pianotuner]

my advice - wait. you have years ahead. the risks of early sex are increased cervical cancer and chlamydia which can make you infertile. re your mum to an extent it's immaterial, as if you two are going to have sex it'll happen somewhere other than home. the fact that you have posted this question is great though because it means you are thinking carefully and not just rushing into it. is your bf pushing you? i have two girls and i would hate to think they would be considering sex so young. It's something that can wait and if you are lucky experience with just a few partners, not many.

good luck with whatever you decide.

[minxie246]

you are not alone dont worry.. My parents were like that.. I am 22 and they still have a problem..

[youngrusscle]

I am 18 yrs old as is my boyfriend of 4 yrs gone january...when i first started sleeping at his house, i stayed in the spare room, i was allowed in his room to watch tv etc but when it was time for bed i would toddle across the landing with my pjs on and go to sleep in the spare room. when he slept at my house he would sleep in my brothers room on the bottom bunk of bunkbeds! we split up for 10 months last year, and in that time my boyfriend started seeing another girl, when she slept at his house, she slept in his bed...they were both 17 at time. then we started going back out in october, and now i sleep in his bed when i stay over at his (this my mam knows and my step dad) yet when my boyfriend stops at my house he has gone form sleeping in my brothers room, to a matress which is on my bedroom floor next to my bed... we both respect this, and he would never get into my bed... it is something that you have got to respect, cos if we broke the rules then he would either go back into my brothers room, or not sleep at my house at all...this is a touchy subject with parents. no parent wants to think of their daughter in bed with their boyfriend...it brings up all kinds of questions. Just respect your mums decision...and then she will have more respect and trust for you. then one day she might turn around and say that your boyfriend can sleep in your room...just like mine did. xx

[suzi-q]

Hi hanny,

Im in my 40's now but I was allowed to sleep with my boyfriend when I was about 17.

I kind of wish I hadnt now. I dont think its very respectful to your parents for you to go to his house and sleep with him. Particularly as you are still underage. Im sure you will carry on doing what you are doing but do show your mum and dad some respect in their views. They are after all out of love and concern for you.

Now I have 2 teenage boys and although I was allowed to do it I dont think I would let my boys have girls to sleep round out of respect for the girl's parents.

[snoopydizzle]

When I was 16 i slept with my first boyfriend after 4 months together - it was the standard length of time amongst my school friends!! how stupid of us all to just do what every one else did. anything after 4 months was "too long". i am impressed you have been together for 7 months, it does seem like a lot when you're that age. assuming you haven't already had sex (which it's very possible you might have, as you are asking about sleeping at each others houses, not having sex at each others houses!!) then it is worth waiting till you are 16 as well, for your own peace of mind. you are still young (i know you don't want to hear it) and things may change soon, when you leave school or meet new people etc.

i don't regret sleeping with my boyfriend, but we were reasonable with our requests to stay over, and our parents told us they didn't like it and instead of going behind their backs, we took the more mature approach of being adult about it and talking to them, and we convinced them like this that this was something we wanted. we were together for 2 years total, i met someone else and broke up with him immediately something happenend with my now partner - it's the same respect we gave our parents which i gave to him. respect your mum's rules while you're under her roof, one day you might expect the same from your 15 yr old.

in the long run taking the adult approach will benefit yourselves more - if you don't stay together, your parents will appreciate your honesty and let any new boyfriends stay, if you do stay together you can have a guilt-free conscience. it's no fun running round trying to deceive people. whatever you do, please be safe.

by the way i sound like an old mum but i am 21. it's not like all this is way in the past for me!! still a very recent memory!