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chrisrob

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chrisrob

News from the wire:

An accumulator is feeling run down. It's quite shocking really: he used to be a bright spark until the powers that be charged him with battery and put him in a cell, despite putting up resistance. But...
09:43 Mon 30th Mar 20097 answers, last by chrisrob 09:00 Wed 01st Apr 2009
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chrisrob

A few quickies

If you drop a piano down a mine shaft, do you get A flat minor? > > > > On a camping trip, is the fun in tents? > > > > Why is a baker like a beggar? They both knead the dough....
09:37 Sun 29th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

A couple of quick quips

If everyone in the country painted their cars red, would we have a red car nation? > > > > > > > > Her telephone number rang a bell.
08:46 Fri 27th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

The Rover's Return

had a dog's tail in a frame on the wall. I asked the landlord the story of the pub's name and why this artefact. Rover had been the pub dog and was tragically killed on the road. They rescued the tail...
09:13 Thu 26th Mar 20094 answers, last by Lynsy 17:09 Thu 26th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

The chief of the small African tribe

always welcomed important visitors from his solid wooden throne. However, he never liked using the same one twice so had a new one made for each occasion. Because they were too good to be thrown away,...
09:10 Wed 25th Mar 20091 answer, last by richardjhoop 18:26 Wed 25th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

It's like pulling teeth

The receptionist at my dentist's always uses a ball point pen to write up appointments. What you might call an in-biro dental list.
09:48 Tue 24th Mar 20093 answers, last by squarebear 10:05 Tue 24th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

ecstasy

Although I don't usually do drugs, I was tempted when I was offered some new, unusual ecstasy. Just then the police raided. I looked out of the window. It was too far to jump but I didn't want to be...
09:42 Mon 23rd Mar 20093 answers, last by devil99 21:48 Mon 23rd Mar 2009
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chrisrob

French, English & cowardice

My knowledge of history and battles is extremely poor and my wife's is great. However, she ascertains the French are reputedly great cowards for just giving up in wars (eg WW2) and letting others...
10:43 Sun 22nd Mar 20099 answers, last by chrisrob 09:42 Fri 17th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

A pair of shoes

How do you know when your shoes are on their last legs? When they're past heeling or when their soles have departed. > > > > > > Did you hear of the Dutchman who designed the blow up...
09:20 Sun 22nd Mar 20092 answers, last by richardjhoop 09:38 Sun 22nd Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Mathematical pun

As the animals left the ark, Noah spoke to each pair in turn: "Go thee forth and multiply!" Two snakes disembarked. "Go thee forth and multiply," they were commanded. "We can't. We're adders." "Sit on...
09:17 Sat 21st Mar 20092 answers, last by lindylou16 20:46 Sat 21st Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Twoday's puns

How do you get two whales in a mini? Down the M4 and over the Severn Bridge. > > > > > > When she got married, she got a new name and a dress.
09:18 Fri 20th Mar 20094 answers, last by ailie 09:28 Sun 22nd Mar 2009
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chrisrob

You'll have heard this one before

At the last olympics, I saw this man carrying a long pole. "Are you a pole vaulter?" I called. "No, I'm a German but how did you know my name was Walter?"
09:52 Thu 19th Mar 20094 answers, last by daniela31 09:58 Thu 19th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

A month of Pundays

I've been daily popping quips here for a month but I've plenty more puns in the oven, so I'll forge a head unless someone calls for arrest.
09:24 Wed 18th Mar 20092 answers, last by squarebear 10:10 Wed 18th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Another couple of one liners

Field notice: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field free of charge but the bull charges. > > > > > Police were called to a nursery where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
09:17 Wed 18th Mar 20093 answers, last by chrisrob 12:22 Wed 18th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Toilet humour

Diarrhoea is inherited: it runs in the genes.
17:46 Tue 17th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Consomm�

For a few weeks I'll have to be on a liquid diet. Does anyone know where I can buy consomm?? All the supermarkets I've searched have tins and sachets for all sorts of yummy soups but they'll all be...
12:31 Sun 15th Mar 20093 answers, last by chrisrob 17:40 Sun 15th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Punday supplement

Dog Biscuits: Are they made of collie flour? > > > > "This coffee's muddy!" "That's funny; it was only ground this morning." > > > > What did the grape say when it got stepped...
08:59 Sun 15th Mar 20091 answer, last by carlton23 09:11 Tue 17th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Punny Rabbit

A rabbit used to visit his pub every lunch time for a toasted sandwich. One day he'd have a toasted tuna sandwich, another day he'd have a toasted cheese sandwich, another day he'd have a toasted ham...
09:07 Sat 14th Mar 20091 answer, last by Mr-Marvel 01:12 Sun 15th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Too poor puns

A shop owner was selling up as he was going abroad so he had a good buy sale. > > > > > > > > A greedy angler wanted to make a lot of money from his catch. He was just getting...
10:26 Fri 13th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

When the vicar was visiting a parishoner

he was intrigued why the little girl called her teddy, "Gladly". "Well," she replied, "its eyes are crossed so I thought of that hymn we sing in church: 'Gladly my cross-eyed bear'."
09:56 Thu 12th Mar 20091 answer, last by squarebear 10:15 Thu 12th Mar 2009

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