12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio: 1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.' 2. New Zealand...
My wife phoned me. "There's water in the carburettor!" "Where's the car?" I asked. She replied, "In the lake." If you don't like women drivers, get off the pavement. I miss my wife's cooking - as...
I haven't spoken to my wife for three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her. My wife will buy anything that's marked down - she's just bought two dresses and an escalator. My wife has just had plastic...
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she...
I puled in to the crowded car park at the local shopping centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure my new puppy has sufficient air.She was stretched full out on the back seat and I wanted to...
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted each of them one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was...
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not...
Sign over a Gynaecologist’s Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix! In a Podiatrist's office: “Time wounds all heels." On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." On another Plumber's...
Only in Britain - Complaints to Councils Extracts from letters written by council tenants: 1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow. 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has...
A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight...
STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF...
