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madiba

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madiba

Ladies Tennis

WHY DO women tennis players make such a loud grunt every time they hit the ball? If the act of hitting a ball is so difficult for them, perhaps they should stick to more ladylike pastimes such as...
12:45 Wed 25th Jul 201215 answers, last by Starbuckone 18:41 Wed 25th Jul 2012
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madiba

Disappointment

THE OTHER day I bought a copy of Men Only from my newsagent. Imagine my dismay when I got it home to discover it was full of pictures of women. To make matters worse, most of them weren't wearing a...
14:56 Tue 24th Jul 20128 answers, last by bookbinder 12:12 Wed 25th Jul 2012
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madiba

The Age Of A Woman

A woman decides to have a face-lift for her 47th birthday.  She spends £20,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a news-agent to buy a paper. ...
23:03 Fri 20th Jul 201210 answers, last by marval 18:13 Sun 22nd Jul 2012
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madiba

You Do The Maths --- Continued

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonus's are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances. You do the...
12:57 Fri 20th Jul 20124 answers, last by north star 08:01 Mon 23rd Jul 2012
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madiba

You Do The Maths

1. Teaching Maths In 1970 A logger sells a truckload of timber fore £100.. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? 2. Teaching Maths In 1980 A logger sells a truckload of...
12:51 Fri 20th Jul 20121 answer, last by Baldric 12:55 Fri 20th Jul 2012
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madiba

Howard's End

A Yorkshire farmer in his landy, drove to a neighbour's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. " t 'is ya Dad home?"  "Nope, he ain't; he went to...
20:53 Thu 19th Jul 20123 answers, last by funnygirl 22:12 Thu 19th Jul 2012
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madiba

Fight Them On The Beaches

WE SHALL fight them on the beaches, we shall fight them in the fields and on the landing grounds, said Churchill in 1939. Unusual use of the word 'we'. I was on Omaha Beach having my leg shot off and...
20:07 Thu 19th Jul 201233 answers, last by ironmonger 14:52 Sat 21st Jul 2012
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madiba

Mandela's Birthday Story

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You sign!...
12:19 Thu 19th Jul 20124 answers, last by Brinjal 17:30 Thu 19th Jul 2012
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madiba

Have a Heart

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or...
21:05 Wed 18th Jul 20123 answers, last by wildwood 23:07 Wed 18th Jul 2012
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madiba

Staff Reductions

Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss say's 'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....'You better jack off, I've got a headache'.
20:44 Wed 18th Jul 2012
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madiba

Room Service

A man checks into his hotel on a business trip and, feeling a bit lonely, he thought, I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.  He looked in...
19:44 Wed 18th Jul 20125 answers, last by JonnyBoy12 10:08 Mon 30th Jul 2012
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madiba

2012

The government have advised people to watch out that they're not being sold fake 2012 Olympic tickets.I think I'll be alright though. My tickets for the men's wheelchair triple jump seem genuine...
12:44 Wed 18th Jul 20122 answers, last by excelsior-1 16:02 Wed 18th Jul 2012
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madiba

Spikey

The head of the Cotswold hedgehogs went to see the head of the local rabbits for some help. "Hey rabbit, wonder if you can help us", he said "I'll be glad to try, Spikey", said the...
22:22 Tue 17th Jul 20123 answers, last by marval 14:40 Wed 18th Jul 2012
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madiba

Another Little Johnny

Little Johnny asks his mother her age. She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs. Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen...
22:06 Tue 17th Jul 20125 answers, last by marval 14:38 Wed 18th Jul 2012
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madiba

F1

MARTIN Brundle sang the praises of the 16 strong Ferrari pit crew during the Italian Grand Prix last week after they changed Michael Schumacher's tyres in 8.4 seconds. That's nothing. I stopped at...
19:27 Sun 15th Jul 20125 answers, last by jno 11:35 Mon 16th Jul 2012
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madiba

The Beckhams

IT SEEMS that you cannot open a newspaper today without seeing stories and pictures of David Beckham and Posh Spice splashed all over the place. Do the editors ever stop to wonder if anyone is...
19:24 Sun 15th Jul 201212 answers, last by Kiki-frog 14:09 Mon 16th Jul 2012
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madiba

My kind of Golf Club

A golfer is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber's head, knocking him unconscious....
18:12 Fri 13th Jul 20121 answer, last by Georgiesmum 21:27 Fri 13th Jul 2012
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madiba

Many Happy tax Returns

I WAS DELIGHTED when the kind people at the Inland Revenue wrote to me recently, telling me that my tax return was 'outstanding', particularly since I can't even remember sending it in.
17:45 Fri 13th Jul 20127 answers, last by madiba 20:19 Fri 13th Jul 2012
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madiba

Supermarket Parking

WHILST visiting my local supermarket I was disgusted to find the best parking spaces nearest the door are now reserved for so-called 'Parent and Child Parking'. If these people are fit enough to...
12:37 Fri 13th Jul 201212 answers, last by bednobs 22:05 Sun 15th Jul 2012
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madiba

Another government con

THE GOVERNMENT say that benefit fraud is costing every household in Britain about £25per month. Nonsense. I'm up 300 quid this month  
11:50 Fri 13th Jul 20124 answers, last by Old_Geezer 14:02 Fri 13th Jul 2012

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