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marval

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marval

James Bond Films

I got my friend the Connery and Dalton James Bond films for her birthday, but she wasn’t happy. I think she was expecting Moore. I bought a tennis racket today. It’s a C.D. of the Williams sisters...
19:20 Thu 18th Jul 20193 answers, last by Canary42 10:46 Fri 19th Jul 2019
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marval

Did You?

“Did you hear about the American Surgeon who specialises in key hole surgery?” “He trained at Yale” A router goes into a doctor’s office and says, “It hurts when IP.” I saw an angry...
17:03 Wed 17th Jul 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 17:06 Wed 17th Jul 2019
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marval

Suspicious

Police were called to the Co-op in Answerbank twinned with Chatterbank. The manager was found buried under a pile of canned chick peas, in suspicious circumstances. They are now investigating an...
20:53 Tue 16th Jul 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 08:42 Wed 17th Jul 2019
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marval

Coat Of Arms

I was looking at my coat of arms today and I thought to myself, “I really need to stop amputating people.” I find it very difficult to talk to my broken umbrella. It never opens up. I have just...
20:39 Mon 15th Jul 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 19:03 Tue 16th Jul 2019
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marval

A-Z

My partner and I have been going through an A-Z of Greek Islands to decide where to go on our holidays. In desperation we eventually chose Zakynthos, It was the last resort....
16:49 Sat 29th Jun 20192 answers, last by Chipchopper 20:32 Sun 30th Jun 2019
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marval

After Hours

After hours of carefully infiltrating a well-known drug dealers hideout, all of the drug dealers managed to get away. Furious the leading Police Chief looks for his second in command, he shouts; ‘I...
20:47 Fri 28th Jun 20193 answers, last by bookbinder 15:10 Sun 30th Jun 2019
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marval

I Enrolled

I enrolled in parachute school the other week, unfortunately I had to drop out. My partner keeps doing pheasant impressions. I thought “He’s game.” Last time I was in Rome, I went to see the...
21:42 Thu 27th Jun 20195 answers, last by marval 22:00 Thu 27th Jun 2019
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marval

Sentry Duty

Whilst on sentry duty in pitch darkness I suddenly saw a horse and rider, clad in armour, charging straight at me. I quickly took off my knight vision equipment. Everyone laughed when I started my...
17:07 Tue 25th Jun 20193 answers, last by zebo 20:24 Tue 25th Jun 2019
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marval

What Do You Think?

A German, a Pole and a Czech left camp for a hike through the woods. After being reported missing a day or two later, rangers found two bears, one a male, one a female, looking suspiciously...
15:55 Mon 24th Jun 20196 answers, last by zebo 08:53 Wed 26th Jun 2019
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marval

New Changes

I am having some prosthetic toes fitted tomorrow. New changes are afoot. I attempted to sabotage the World Fencing Championship recently, but I was foiled. My friend has just set up a new haulage...
15:06 Sun 23rd Jun 20193 answers, last by marval 18:42 Sun 23rd Jun 2019
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marval

Any Heartbeat Fans?

I have just found out that William Simons has died. Any heartbeat fans will remember him as PC Alf Ventress. I used to like Heartbeat. RIP William....
12:58 Sun 23rd Jun 201914 answers, last by chessington 11:14 Mon 24th Jun 2019
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marval

Raise Your Hand

At a party in a marquee, more and more people were coming in and the host hardly recognised anyone. So he clapped his hands for attention, and announced: “Let’s have some order. First, could...
21:54 Sat 22nd Jun 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 11:17 Sun 23rd Jun 2019
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marval

A Leopard

A leopard went to see an Optician because he thought he needed an eye exam. “Every time I look at my wife,” he worriedly told the optician, “I see spots before my eyes.” “So what are you...
14:24 Sat 22nd Jun 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 18:51 Sat 22nd Jun 2019
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marval

Circuit Training

I have been circuit training for three weeks now, and I still don’t know what a diode is. A hypnotist put me in a trance where I thought I was playing a never ending game of cards. Fortunately, I...
18:13 Thu 20th Jun 20193 answers, last by Patsy33 18:38 Thu 20th Jun 2019
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marval

Pardon?

Three men, one American, one Mexican, and one Chinese, were hiking in an unknown mountain. They suddenly discovered a big cave. So they each decided to test its echo. The American man shouted his...
17:15 Tue 18th Jun 20194 answers, last by JimF 19:13 Tue 18th Jun 2019
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marval

Developed

My friend just stays at home these days, watching film after film. He has developed a reel problem. I have just reconditioned an old car, it took thirty bottles of head and shoulders. I was going to...
21:24 Mon 17th Jun 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 21:48 Mon 17th Jun 2019
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marval

Cold Calls

I accidently put my phone in the fridge yesterday. Been getting cold calls ever since. A German bloke has opened a barbers at the end of our street. Herr Kutt. I tried and failed at making a suitcase...
14:17 Sun 16th Jun 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 16:48 Sun 16th Jun 2019
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marval

Organ

St Paul's church in our local town built a new sanctuary. They moved their very fine old pipe organ to the new sanctuary. It was an intricate task that was completed successfully. The local news...
18:03 Fri 14th Jun 20197 answers, last by marval 21:05 Fri 14th Jun 2019
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marval

Pulled Over

I was pulled over by the police this morning and the officer said, “I’ve pulled you over for weaving in the car.” I replied, “Yes I know, I have almost finished my first rug.” I recently...
22:23 Thu 13th Jun 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 22:34 Thu 13th Jun 2019
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marval

War And Peace

I was reading ‘War and Peace’ in bed last night, when my wife said, “What made you want to read that?” I said, “It’s a long story.” I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home....
21:17 Wed 12th Jun 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 21:32 Wed 12th Jun 2019

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