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marval

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marval

Shopping

When my partner goes out shopping he likes to sample things before purchasing. He is buy-curious. I went shopping for shoes and I found the perfect pair. They are my sole mates Never do bedroom...
16:40 Sat 08th Aug 20202 answers, last by marval 16:53 Sat 08th Aug 2020
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marval

Name Your Beer

Sorry this made me smile. https://news.sky.com/story/canadian-brewery-apologises-for-unwittingly-naming-beer-after-maori-word-for-pubic-hair-12044251...
15:22 Fri 07th Aug 20207 answers, last by jno 20:53 Fri 07th Aug 2020
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marval

Warning

A warning for you. They said you only have to wear masks and gloves to go grocery shopping but they lied. Apparently you have to wear clothes too...
17:50 Mon 03rd Aug 20201 answer, last by Chipchopper 19:37 Mon 03rd Aug 2020
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marval

I Have Still

Mick and Paddy are in the Pub having a wee drink when Paddy brings out a goldfish bowl with two goldfish in it. Mick says, "That's a grand pair of goldfish ye got there Paddy. Have ye named them yet?"...
16:51 Fri 24th Jul 20201 answer, last by Canary42 00:34 Sat 25th Jul 2020
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marval

Nude

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialised in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As usual,...
20:52 Mon 20th Jul 20203 answers, last by DTCwordfan 21:20 Mon 20th Jul 2020
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marval

A Friend

I have a friend who is a stamp collecting Irish dancer. His name is Michael Philately....
17:34 Fri 05th Jun 20206 answers, last by Chipchopper 10:09 Sun 07th Jun 2020
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marval

I Will Not Eat

This dog makes me smile, I love the look on his face when he is trying to be good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28EV6k9611g...
21:41 Mon 01st Jun 202021 answers, last by retrocop 23:11 Mon 01st Jun 2020
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marval

The Tripping Wife

A husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over...
18:01 Mon 01st Jun 20204 answers, last by Spicerack 18:08 Tue 02nd Jun 2020
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marval

Mafia

Apparently the Mafia are now in the holiday business. I have just seen an advert for short breaks in tibia and fibula....
18:12 Thu 28th May 20202 answers, last by Patsy33 18:27 Thu 28th May 2020
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marval

Thank You For Phoning

Sean and Hetty, an elderly widow and widower, had been dating for about three years when Sean finally decided to ask Hetty to marry him. She immediately said 'Yes'. The next morning when he awoke,...
17:11 Tue 26th May 20202 answers, last by Mamyalynne 22:29 Tue 26th May 2020
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marval

Beaten Up

I got beaten up by a tobacconist the other day. I have still got the cigars to prove it....
13:08 Sun 24th May 202016 answers, last by Chipchopper 06:30 Mon 25th May 2020
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marval

I Keep

I keep swearing at tanks and castles. Turns out I have got Turrets Syndrome. I got my partner a bag of compost for his birthday. He chucked it at me in a rage. Typical, you give them the earth and...
17:41 Fri 22nd May 20202 answers, last by jno 17:49 Fri 22nd May 2020
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marval

Where?

Bob and Mike are sitting in the pub. "It's funny," says Bob, "I was wondering for years where my wife spent her evenings." "And you found out?" asks Mike. "Aye," says Bob. "I went home early one...
17:01 Tue 19th May 2020
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marval

No Licence

I was sitting on my lawn having a quiet beer and reading when I was startled by a fairly late model car that crashed through my hedge and came to rest just in front of me. I helped the elderly driver...
17:13 Mon 18th May 20204 answers, last by zebo 19:06 Mon 18th May 2020
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marval

I Went

I went to a referee's funeral yesterday It was a good send off. I saw a man with a trolley full of horseshoes and rabbits' feet earlier, trying to get it up a hill. I thought, "He's pushing his luck”...
12:10 Sun 17th May 20203 answers, last by Ken4155 12:14 Sun 17th May 2020
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marval

Keep An Eye

Early in 1824, a pub landlord muttered to his barman, "Keep an eye on that bloke down the end. That's Beethoven's Ninth." Scientists who were against genetic engineering have managed to cross a...
18:07 Thu 14th May 20204 answers, last by tonyav 21:02 Thu 14th May 2020
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marval

Driving

I was driving down a one way street and got stopped by a policeman Policeman" This is a one way street and your going the wrong way. Didn't you see the arrows"? Me “Arrows? I didn't even see the...
17:14 Tue 12th May 20202 answers, last by Chipchopper 19:30 Tue 12th May 2020
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marval

A Man Knocked

A man knocked at my door and said "Do you believe in free speech?" I said "yes." He said "Good, can I use your phone?" The price of hearing aids has gone up. Deaf people across the country are going...
17:45 Fri 08th May 20204 answers, last by marval 18:13 Fri 08th May 2020
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marval

My Friend

My friend went out with a Welsh girl. She had 36DD's. A ridiculously long surname if you ask me....
18:44 Wed 06th May 2020
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marval

When I Was

When I was younger, I used to play in a moderately successful band - we were called "The Hinges" We used to support The Doors. A mate of mine just fell over a display of golf clubs. Paramedics are...
14:49 Wed 06th May 20202 answers, last by Patsy33 17:45 Wed 06th May 2020

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