An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said: "May I come in. I lived in this very room forty years ago when I studied in this...
An old man and an old woman for years and years they have spent every night together. All they ever do is sit on the couch stark naked and watch TV while she holds his willy. Every night, like...
There was a Japanese man who came to London for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon,...
A newspaper reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly...
Kelly and Patrick went for a motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Kelly who was sitt'n behind Patrick on the bike began to shout, "Patrick... the wind is cutt'n me chest out!"...
Mary O'Leary goes up to Father McGuire after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband...
A group of American tourists was being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing...
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by. "What are ye doing?" asked O'Bannon. "Fishin',"...
Not too long ago a scientist tried to clone himself. However, his clone was very obnoxious and lewd, while the scientist was well received and respected. Finally fed up with his experiment gone wrong,...
A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would...
I ate a Kid's Meal at Macdonalds, yesterday. His mother was furious. ___________ I went to the doctor for a headache, it turned out I had water on the brain. When I asked what could be done about it...
At 8 p.m. one night, a pilot who had run out of fuel made an emergency landing at a top-secret government base. He was quickly surrounded by security and taken inside to be interrogated. The...
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ___________ "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin,...
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but...
She entered the office of a noted divorce lawyer. 'I want to know if I have grounds for divorce? 'she asked. 'Are you married?' asked the lawyer. 'Yes, I am.' 'Then, 'he replied, 'You have sufficient...
Every time an Indian walks into the chief's teepee he sees that the chief is masturbating. They finally realize this is a serious problem, so they fix him up with a nice woman, and she starts living...
As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then...
A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?" "Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool...
BREAKING NEWS: Justice has been served! There's been some scumbag named Callum, known as Cal, going round breaking in to people's houses , but the police can't catch him. The weirdest thing about it...