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Slapshot

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Scottish Sense of humour

Sign in a shop window 'WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!' This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in CAMPBELTOWN,...
21:09 Fri 13th Jan 201220 answers, last by THECORBYLOON 11:48 Sat 14th Jan 2012
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Slapshot

Scotland on Sunday

Stumped!!! It's used for clearing up retrograde computerparts (6) P????? Corrected pupils' work as indicated (6) M????? Any help much appreciated...
11:24 Sun 08th Jan 20122 answers, last by Slapshot 11:29 Sun 08th Jan 2012
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Susanna watch.....

Sunday morning, day shift....what more could a chap want than Susanna Reid looking lovely on the Beeb, demure but sooooo alluring
08:05 Sun 08th Jan 20121 answer, last by TWR 12:24 Sun 08th Jan 2012
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Lancelot

Okay stumped, possible done something wrong 16 down Dog dicovered round animal hospital (8) ?I?H?U?? 17 down Unpopular route attributable to cryptic setter ?E?T?E?? Any help appreciated...
14:04 Sun 01st Jan 20122 answers, last by Slapshot 14:09 Sun 01st Jan 2012
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Slapshot

Alert states

In light of the season and the possible terrorist threat, Europe and the civilised world have reviewed their current statuses. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror...
13:33 Sat 24th Dec 20115 answers, last by Slapshot 14:29 Sat 24th Dec 2011
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So what's the chances of Susanna....

....presenting this morning BBC breakfast programme wearing a naughty santa suit...I can dream for the next nine minutes
05:51 Fri 23rd Dec 201110 answers, last by Slapshot 20:45 Fri 23rd Dec 2011
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Little Miss Muffett

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, Her knickers all tattered and torn, It wasn't the spider that sat down beside her But little Boy Blue with his horn....
00:39 Fri 23rd Dec 20112 answers, last by Lashbo 18:49 Fri 23rd Dec 2011
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Hotline

Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities,...
00:24 Fri 23rd Dec 20113 answers, last by Baldric 16:25 Fri 23rd Dec 2011
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Scots funnies

A woman walks into a baker's and asks: "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?" The baker replies:"No, you're right, hen, it's a doughnut." What's the difference between Bing Crosby and...
00:22 Fri 23rd Dec 201111 answers, last by marval 13:36 Fri 23rd Dec 2011
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Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to...
23:58 Thu 22nd Dec 20111 answer, last by missprim 00:02 Fri 23rd Dec 2011
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Words

A young monk arrives at the monastery and is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from...
23:56 Thu 22nd Dec 20111 answer, last by venator 00:03 Sat 24th Dec 2011
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Drinking

A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn. A Gamekeeper shouts, 'Dinnae drink the waater! It's fu ‘o coo's sh!t an p!sh!' The man replies, 'My Good fellow, I'm from England ....
23:53 Thu 22nd Dec 20113 answers, last by tank1960 00:35 Fri 23rd Dec 2011
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Absence

A man went to the doctor & said "Every time I pass wind it makes a funny noise." The doctor said "It's supposed to." The patient continued "No, not that kind of funny...
23:49 Thu 22nd Dec 20112 answers, last by marval 13:39 Fri 23rd Dec 2011
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Closer to heaven 2

The angel Gabriel said to God What you working on today? God said I`m making a place called Scotland, It`s goin to have stunning mountains with fast flowing rivers full of beautifull brown trout, the...
23:46 Thu 22nd Dec 20111 answer, last by woofgang 21:12 Wed 08th May 2013
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Closer to heaven

An Englishman decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about British churches so he bought a train ticket and took a trip to London,...
23:44 Thu 22nd Dec 20111 answer, last by Bumpkin_Clumber 00:10 Sat 10th Mar 2012
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Shrink

A psychiatrist was doing a therapy session with 4 young mums and their small kids. you all have obsessions'' he observed. To the 1st mum he said you are obesessed with food you even named your child...
23:40 Thu 22nd Dec 20112 answers, last by Slapshot 23:50 Thu 22nd Dec 2011
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Simply Red

Mick Hucknall has been arrested for sha&&in rabbits. Police sources said he was holdin back the ears singing bunnies too tight to mention......
23:37 Thu 22nd Dec 20114 answers, last by factor30 23:52 Thu 22nd Dec 2011
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Taxi Driver

A passenger taps a Taxi Driver on the shoulder, the driver craps himself, veers all over the road, nearly hits a bus and stops just before it crashes through a shop window. Passenger says "F**k...
23:36 Thu 22nd Dec 2011
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Old men

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend. The...
23:34 Thu 22nd Dec 20112 answers, last by factor30 23:37 Thu 22nd Dec 2011
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Christmas in our PC world

It is important that this risk assessment be taken into account by all Staff contemplating participation in any official or professional capacity at any religeously related song concert or similar...
23:32 Thu 22nd Dec 20114 answers, last by maggiebee 21:50 Fri 23rd Dec 2011

161 to 180 of 352

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