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Voltage

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Voltage

My Girlfriend !

My girlfriend said she's splitting up with me because I'm obsessed with Boy George. I said do you really want to hurt me.!...
00:15 Sun 22nd Jul 20189 answers, last by Voltage 00:32 Sun 22nd Jul 2018
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Voltage

Banned From The Chemist!

I've been banned from my local chemist, all I said to the assistant was "Do you swallow or take it up the bum" I didn't know what to do with those suppository thingies!...
14:45 Sat 21st Jul 20184 answers, last by Shaglene 19:26 Sat 21st Jul 2018
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Voltage

Just Been To The Library!

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you..."...
09:28 Sat 21st Jul 201814 answers, last by marval 18:37 Sat 21st Jul 2018
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The Wife!

The wife said that sex is much better on holiday!! Not the sort of postcard I was expecting !...
18:39 Fri 20th Jul 20184 answers, last by marval 19:12 Fri 20th Jul 2018
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Voltage

At The Casino!

I was just about to place some chips down on the roulette table when a big african man whispered "black 33" I said "hi im volty white 28"...
15:30 Fri 20th Jul 20185 answers, last by gooogle 16:08 Fri 10th Aug 2018
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Voltage

My Boss!

I got called into the office "bloody hell!" said my boss as I walked into the office "What the hell did you drink last night" "Nothing." I replied, "Why?" He said, "You absolutely stink of alcohol."...
14:01 Fri 20th Jul 20185 answers, last by Arksided 14:51 Fri 20th Jul 2018
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Police In Liverpool!

Police attending an incident in Liverpool returned to their car to find it up on bricks Officers are working tyrelessly to find the culprits....
08:14 Fri 20th Jul 20185 answers, last by Voltage 15:31 Fri 20th Jul 2018
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Voltage

Boots The Chemist!!

Boots are doing 3 for the price of 2 on hearing aids! Anyone know of anybody with 3 ears??...
19:26 Thu 19th Jul 20182 answers, last by Voltage 20:05 Thu 19th Jul 2018
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Sexual Innuendo. .!

My colleague can no longer make the Sexual Innuendo Seminar next week. She's asked me to fill her slot....
10:57 Thu 19th Jul 20188 answers, last by Patsy33 11:24 Thu 19th Jul 2018
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Voltage

If The Wife.....!

If the wife ever pulls a knife out on you during an argument, pull out some bread, butter and cheese. Her instincts will kick in and she'll make you a sandwich....
10:52 Thu 19th Jul 20189 answers, last by zebo 22:19 Thu 19th Jul 2018
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Voltage

After 20 Mins....

After spending 20 minutes trying to get my Wife's bra off, I decided to give up, I wish I'd never put it on now....
17:25 Wed 18th Jul 201816 answers, last by Shaglene 14:24 Thu 19th Jul 2018
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Voltage

I Have.....

I have an intense fear of speed bumps. But I'm slowly getting over it....
17:10 Wed 18th Jul 20185 answers, last by piggynose 14:28 Thu 19th Jul 2018
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Doing Nothing!

I’m getting sick and tired of people saying that I sit around all the time, doing nothing. I’ve decided I’m not going to stand for it....
09:51 Wed 18th Jul 20188 answers, last by Voltage 12:22 Wed 18th Jul 2018
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Local Aquarium!

It only costs 1p to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin. So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!...
09:46 Wed 18th Jul 20185 answers, last by bookbinder 17:07 Wed 18th Jul 2018
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My Wife Left Me!

My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension... She said she just couldn't take it any longer....
17:24 Tue 17th Jul 201815 answers, last by Tiffany789 08:32 Wed 18th Jul 2018
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Feeling Down In The Dumps!!

Feeling down in the dumps, overweight, Unfit, thinking you're getting old, got aches and pains, stiff back? Well just park in a disabled bay at Tesco and everyone will be sure to tell you there's fek...
11:10 Tue 17th Jul 201811 answers, last by Kate-Kross 09:50 Wed 18th Jul 2018
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My Insomnia!

My Insomnia is awful. On the plus side, only three more sleeps until Christmas....
14:20 Mon 16th Jul 20182 answers, last by Old_Geezer 14:37 Mon 16th Jul 2018
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Ooopps.....!

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me....
14:50 Sun 15th Jul 20188 answers, last by bookbinder 15:25 Sun 15th Jul 2018
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Back From The Pub!!

Got back from the pub last night and whispered to my wife, "I'm sleeping in the spare room tonight darling." "Ahh that's sweet of you," she said, "you're drunk and don't want to disturb me?" "No, I've...
10:13 Sun 15th Jul 20189 answers, last by AZardoz 08:35 Sat 11th Aug 2018
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Our Dog!

I have a dog with no legs he's named cigarette. First thing, every morning, I take him out for a drag....
10:09 Sun 15th Jul 20186 answers, last by bookbinder 15:03 Sun 15th Jul 2018

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