Can i moan?

[tinkerbell23]

Please can i?

Im going to anyhow :0/

Have you ever been in a situ where not one of your friends are in the same boat as you?

Everyone has kids now (eek!!) or a partner. Not me!

Hoping when i begin work ill meet like minded folk- my best friend has no kids, but is moving a few miles away with her bf...soo happy for her, but ill miss her.

Everytime i go for lunch or even up for a glass of wine to a mates theres usuay a kid or 5... In the nicest possible way, i dont always want to be around kids so i do avoid it sometimes??

My facebook is plastered with photos of all the kids (very cute) and im now getting the speeches about how one day ill have all this and "be complete" grrrr

Thing is i dont know if i even want any because im scared i wouldnt be a good mum, or make my kids feel like my mum makes me feel (not good!) or worse !!

Mentioned this just as a chat to the parents- mum replies tht i have to get myself a bf, as i dont seem capable of that.

Wish she would credit me with the fact i devoted the past 3y to uni, ive done EVERYTHING possible to get a job- start september.....

Gave up my flat to move home due to uni despite the volatile relationship we have. ALOT has came up in my counselling regarding this.

Im afraid im not like her pals kids who are all marrying off. Sometimes it feels like i cant be me. Sorrry for the moan. I went and told all to my gran- we are as thick as theives!!! Love her- shes more like my mum!!! Had been confiding in an aunt, but its been gettin back to mother :0(

At least i had my car to go and stay elsewhere for last night xxx

Sorry again for moaning- its all i do on here! Somewhere to turn xx

[Traci66]

Hi Tinks, moan away, we're all here to listen to you. Apart from all that, how are you? I'm shattered, just finished painting the kitchen, going to Belgium on Saturday, mini cruise from Hull, taking the car and driving down to Dunkirk, back on Monday and then on with decorating the sitting room, busy, busy, still at least it keeps my mind occupied xx.

[Psybbo]

Cheer up tinks, but I do know how you feel. Mothers, I think, are often jealous of their daughters. Enjoy your freedom and thing will get better in September. Hugs

[Maydup]

Tinkerbell, you've done extremely well at uni and if you have a job ready to go to in Sept you are one of the top 10% in the country. Ignore the lot of them and be proud of your success.

Once you start working again you can get a flat and make new friends and you'll leave all this behind.

I have a career and no kids but I must admit I did move away for my job and it seemed to have worked so much better. Sometimes I miss the family but in general I love my life and haven't had a conversation about kids for years now. I'm not suggesting you have to move away but you I do encourage you to put less importance on what they all say to you. Chin up and plan a few days away before you start work.

[craft1948]

I don't see what the problem is................

You're not sure you want kids................you don't have any.
You've done your uni course...........and have a job in September
You're having to live at home.........but have managed to buy a decent car.

What is the problem?

[Psybbo]

craft, I think her mother keeps having a go at her, and I know what that is like

[tinkerbell23]

Ive borrowed £700 to buy a car.

My problem is that i am feeling like i dont have anyone who has anything in common with me anymore.

I have an abusive mother who has wound me up in counselling- shes downstairs shouting the odds right now and has been for two or three days. It takes every bone in my body to not punch her one- esp when she tells me how im not capable of getting a bf, how no wonder my ex got rid of me, and how all my friends are like models but im not.

Its difficult- i wish the job was sooner. Im more than gratefull that i have it coming up- just wish she could see that ive done well.

Mabye its not coming across how i mean- my counsellor has told me i had an abusive childhood (i know many have). Hard to acknowledge thay- even harder to go and fill my gran in.

Aside from that i had a nice smoothie and its not a bad day. Goin to go a wee drive later with my friend xx

[erin-x]

Aww sis... You don't have to be anything other than what you want to be. I hate when people try and dictate what you should do with your life. It's YOUR life, not theirs. At least you know you'll find more like minded people at your work. Some people just drift apart, you know.

And you know you can always comes on here for a moan :-) x

[craft1948]

mmm, not good then.............you're a better person than me 'cos I'd have smacked the mother.

[tinkerbell23]

To add to the already long shpeel - i hate when she says i lie in be all day when i dont. I dont sleep well as it is, i take tablets for anxiety which is worse at night - ive informed her of this- i "do my bit" and i do not grudge it! Clean kitchen every day, dishes, make dinner and peg the washing out- apparently incorrectly.

I asked for her to please leave me a list of to do's so i dont have to listen to any arguments. She would honestly pick what i wear. And my dad.

His fault too- he lets her away with it.

Not nice to sometimes extremely dislike my own mother x

I can hear her now and her f*cking voice!!!!! Aaargh!!!

[tinkerbell23]

Glad you understand craft- i know i have nice things and am lucky to have so...but its hard sometimes.....

I dont want to come across like a wee moan- esp when people are ill and worse
Off than me- but i guess every now and again we all get a wee bit down and fed up eh lol xxx

[tinkerbell23]

Ps traci! I loved belgium!! And maidup im thinking of squeezin in a wee college course before then if i can hehe - might ask a mate to join....or go myself and wow everyone with my new talents x

[tinkerbell23]

Still running her mouth off... I did manage to sneak in for a sandwich and some wotsits- first ive eaten today! Its that stupid tiny hovis bread too!! Grr xx

[sherrardk]

Hi Tinks, September is not that far away and then you will be too busy to cross paths with your mum very often. My mother was hyper critical and I chose to just to ignore her. I never said what I thought but then I left at 18 and never went back there to live. (My sisters could do no wrong, even though they made loads of mistakes and always went back to her for money, child care, a place to live etc).

[lcg]

can't you go and live with your gran for the time being if home is so tense all the time? i too have an extremely bad relationship with my mum - she used to beat me a lot and used psychological warfare in the home when i was growing up. i will never have the 'normal' mum i crave, but at least i have now accepted that fact and slowly unscrewed myself as an adult.you will get a job soon and be able to go somewhere else to live - something to look forward to, but in the mean time do put those locks on your door. as for friends, it's not a sin to hate all the kids and couples crap if you don't have that at present....it must bore you to tears at times and make you incredibly angry at your friend's glib remarks about the happy ever after rubbish - i bet most of them have real problems in their family life and just don't air those thoughts as much, especially if everyone else seems so 'happy'. scream, thump some pillows, get pissed and only face them if you have the strength at the time to do so. it's not a crime to hate other people at times - they are hard work! x

[tinkerbell23]

Lcg thank you so much its great- i feel like you actually "get me" lol. Thank u!!

Hey sissy. Its horrible because at the moment im swings & roundabouts!! Own money is sooo near, yet i despise her sometimes but i have to borrow money and live with her and i feel bad doing so.

I toy all the time with actually saying NO i dont like you mum. So there you go. My dad defends her- although with the latest outburst he took my side- shes wingeing that her pal said she wasnt in the wrong and how she feels blablabla ALWAYS about her. Always.

Dad actually told her off because she was literally sl@gging me off- she denies this obv xxx

[Traci66]

At least we can choose our friends Tinks xx

[sherrardk]

Just count the days Tinks (and try to keep your cool). When things are really bad, go to your room and plan your escape! If your mother is anything like mine was, you will never win so there is no point playing her stupid game, don't give her the satisfaction, xxx

[ummmm]

Sounds like she resents you. Are you prettier/thinner/better prospects?

[tinkerbell23]

No i wont win- but even her voice just grates i cant even take her seriously. I i went to my grans i think id would create more hassel tbh. We kept it just between me & her that i went round for a chat because that would cause anothet fight- gran has already told her to lay off me as have both my aunts.

Oh well!! Well traci ill need to pick some new pals cos these ones are droppin like flies ha xx

[ummmm]

Are you an only child?