Does he just not love me enough?

[jem_bob]

Hey guys, this is a bit of a silly question and you may think I'm being a bit childish...
Recently moved in with my boyfriend. Miss my dog terribly (wasn't allowed to take him with me as my Dad loves him too much and he's a bit too big for our place). Want to get a puppy of my own, a Pomeranian that will stay around the 4lb mark when fully grown. I'll do EVERYTHING for him and my boyfriend doesn't have to have anything to do with him other than share a living space. He just keeps saying no, nothing I do or say will change his mind. I've come up with solutions to every problem he has found and he just says he doesn't want one. I thought couples were supposed to love each other and do anything to make the other happy. Bear in mind my boyfriend has been spoilt all his life and stupidly I have never said no to him over anything. I do everything around the home and even sorted out the purchase all on my own. I think he's being incredibly unfair by not allowing me to be happy. He told me he would leave me if I didn't want kids one day and I see this as a similar situation. It does sound childish doesn't it, but does anyone have any comments or advice on how to change his mind?

[cymruambyth1]

Well I am not sure you will be able to change his mind if he is so set on not having a dog, what are his main reasons for not wanting one?

My partner hated cats, when he moved in with me, he just had to get use to the cat being around, now he loves her to bits.

If your partner has been spoint in the past, maybe he is just being really really stubborn.

I was in a similar situation, and my ex partner arrived home to their being a cat in the flat! He didnt get a choice, he soon came to love the cat, but this might not be the best solution as I am not sure what your partner would do.

[jem_bob]

I did love him with all my heart. But this seriously making me question that. I have provided rational solutions to every argument he has come up with. The way I see it, he's now just being downright stubborn and selfish. He's not allergic to pets, doesn't have a fear of dogs, doesn't have to make any financial contriubtions towards the dog so I can't see why he is so dead set against it. It's starting to destroy our relationship because he is standing in the way of something I am truly desperate for, and he doesn't even have any good reasons. Just keeps saying he 'doesn't want a dog'. This is destroying our relationship, and neither of us will back down.

[ummmm]

Does he even like dogs?

[ummmm]

Let's hope you two don't ever have any real problems.....

[jem_bob]

I like that you thought to come back 12 minutes later just to write a snide comment... pathetic.

[Adam28]

In all seriousness its a dog - if this is making you think you do not love your bf then you could not have loved him properly in the first place!!

You may just have to accept that your bf is not a dog person - try a cat lol!!

[China-Doll]

Maybe he just really doesn't want/like dogs. I could be with the love of my life but if they want to get a trantula as a pet then I'm going to be pretty hell bent against it as I don't like spiders and don't want one in the house I live in.

Personally I think you're putting too much emphasis on it and it's perhaps not the root problem that's upsetting you too much.

[Schutzengel]

You can't change his mind for him, only he can do that, and it seems extremely unlikely. From the rest of your question, it's not just about the dog. It's about you doing everything around the house, even to completing the purchase on your own. As for the comment about him leaving you if you didn't want children. He's been spoilt, and you have encouraged it by never saying no. What you have here is a control freak, and if you have children, it will become even worse. The whole issue needs sorting as soon as possible, or I'm afraid you'll come to regret letting it continue. Good luck. You will probably need it.

[jem_bob]

China doll and schutzengel, hit the nail on the head methinks!

[redcrx]

you want to change his mind?
why not allow him to change yours and accept that there will be no dog in the house?

Either learn to compromise or learn to accept that one will always lose out on what they want

[jem_bob]

Vibrasphere, thank you so much! It's so nice to know that just one person understands. I could not have put it any better than that! This is why I said that it may seem childish to some. I am looking at the bigger picture here. If he won't allow me to do this, what will it be next time? I have compromise down to a fine art, in fact to the point where I give in to him every time just for an easy life. I'm determined not to do so on this occasion, but he won't let me get my way, just this once. This is what the real issue is here. I just want him for once, to put my wishes before his own and compromise to make me happy.

[4getmenot]

sorry but surely your relationship means more than getting a dog. My bloke wants a dog but I dont like dogs, he jokes that he will get one but I know he wouldnt if I wasnt happy about it because he loves me. If you cared about your bloke then you would face the fact he just doesnt want a dog.

[4getmenot]

or as others have said compromise and tell him he can choose the dog

[ummmm]

I didn't come back with a snide comment for your information. When I posted your answer wasn't there so my second comment was in response to that.

As you said....it seems a bit childish. No it doesn't seem a bit childish. It is utterly childish and I'm surprised you can even sustain a relationship when something so trivial makes you question your love for someone.

[4getmenot]

so would you choose a dog over him?

[jem_bob]

Okay, so everyone is focussing so much on the dog here. The real issue is that he constantly gets his own way over EVERYTHING. He does nothing to help me out around the home, didn't do a sod*ing thing to help me buy it so I think I should get some sort of say over whether we have a dog in it or not. You all say I should compromise and not get one. How about he compromises and let's me get one? I would never go and get one without him being happy about it. It's the fact that he can give me no real reason why not, he's just being bl**dy awkward. Yes the relationship means more than a dog. But it's the underlying issues here about how he is controlling and uncompromising. This is what's making me question the whole thing, not a lack of dog.

[Schutzengel]

As I said earlier, you need either to get this controlling behaviour sorted out, or you will certainly live to regret it.