Does he just not love me enough?

[jem_bob]

Hey guys, this is a bit of a silly question and you may think I'm being a bit childish...
Recently moved in with my boyfriend. Miss my dog terribly (wasn't allowed to take him with me as my Dad loves him too much and he's a bit too big for our place). Want to get a puppy of my own, a Pomeranian that will stay around the 4lb mark when fully grown. I'll do EVERYTHING for him and my boyfriend doesn't have to have anything to do with him other than share a living space. He just keeps saying no, nothing I do or say will change his mind. I've come up with solutions to every problem he has found and he just says he doesn't want one. I thought couples were supposed to love each other and do anything to make the other happy. Bear in mind my boyfriend has been spoilt all his life and stupidly I have never said no to him over anything. I do everything around the home and even sorted out the purchase all on my own. I think he's being incredibly unfair by not allowing me to be happy. He told me he would leave me if I didn't want kids one day and I see this as a similar situation. It does sound childish doesn't it, but does anyone have any comments or advice on how to change his mind?

[bazzyman]

Some people just cannot cope with dogs. Same as there are people that love cats and others just tolerate them.

I havn't read all of your post, but the gist of it is you both want your own way, and neither is prepared to see the other's point of view.
That's my interpretation anyway.

Relationships are all about give and take.

[jem_bob]

Spot on Bazzy. And I give and give and he takes and takes. I thought for once he would give when he saw how much I wanted it. But afraid not. This is my point about questioning how much he loves me.

[bazzyman]

Thing is lass, if you keep giving and he keeps taking, then you are right. The more you do it, the more he will keep abusing the fact that he can get away with it, because you are letting him.

Do you think you have the guts to get out, find a place of your own, have a dog, and just have the mess you make yourself to clean up?

Or spend years and years of asking people...............'Does he love me enough?'

[4getmenot]

I thought you'd given up jem :-) Dont give up maybe this is why he keeps getting his own way. On here you have opened yourself up to people answering your question you cant just give in when you get the reply you dont want. Talk to your boyfriend. You say when he does something he wants a noble prize I think you'll find most blokes are like that. If its not about the dog and more about him maybe you should really take a good hard look at your relationship and then move on. When you really love someone these problems will seem so trivial looking back

[douggym]

Did you know that there are millions of blokes out there who;
Like dogs.
Could treat you better.
Act responsibly and share responsibilities and the burden of home ownership.
Help with the relationship.
Respect your position.
Give something in return.
AND MAY BE A LOT BETTER TO YOU THAN THE BLOKE YOU HAVE NOW.
Get out there and look around. Smell the coffee. Secure a happy future where your needs are respected.
And may the three of you be HAPPY chasing a stick while carrying your little plastic bags full of dog ****.
Actually that last sentence may be the problem. (Picking up the dog**** , or being with someone who does).

[bednobs]

i think if one person wants a dog and the other person really dsent. the one who doesn't want one should "win" i am in the same situation but in reverse, i really really dont want another dog and my husband does. I dnt love him any less, and i usually am willing to compromise but not on this. He has also tried lots of tactics like getting a home check, sulking, arranging to see puppies etc but i am not giving in on this!
However, that dosent mean my relationship is doomed!

[Velvetee]

Yes sorry Jem, but it does sound childish, almost like a kid begging it's parent for a puppy.

Perhaps your partner doesn't like dogs or the smell and uncleanliness associated with them. My partner lived in his family home before we moved in and had 3 dogs. I said from the beginning, I couldn't live with a pet, as I consider it to be unhygienic and they smell. The dogs still live with his mum close by and he can see them whenever he wants.

You cannot change his mind, you are in an adult relationship together and you'll just have to visit your family dog and give it a cuddle when you feel broody. If not, then perhaps it was too soon for you to move away, you could just be missing the familiar surroundings of your family home.

[carrust]

Errr, get a cat:-)

[leggemessiah]

Get a life?

[Velvetee]

What about a lovely fluffy rabbit? Ok, they don't have much of a character, but they're cuddly and soft and make lovely jackets, cushion covers etc.

[funnygirl]

I hate dogs and if my hubby had come home with a pooch, he would have to get rid pretty sharpish!!!

[bednobs]

i thought of something else i wanted to say about this - my not wanting a dog has nothing to do with how i feel about my husband and everything to do with how i feel about dogs!

[jem_bob]

Here is another example of his selfishness... Bank Holiday weekend coming up. He tells me last night he is going to the coast to stay with his best friend all weekend. Asked me to go, but I declined as it would be embarassing for him to have the girlfriend tagging along. Plus I know he only asks out of guilt and because he knows I would say no. He's still going, without a care for what I will do all weekend. My friends are all away at uni doing their final year exams so i have nothing to do. He kept trying to palm me off on my parents to ease his conscience (he does this alot whenever he bug*ers off and leaves me). Now I know he needs to see his friends and wouldn't dream of getting in the way of that. But it seems whenever it's something I want, we have to have a big discussion and ultimately he gets to decide the outcome. Whenever it's something he wants, he WILL do it and screw everyone else. I know a dog is a lifelong commitment and it's not the same situation at all, but just wanted to make the point of how incredibly selfish he is!

[silly~lilly]

jem, i dont think you're being childish at all and i can see the bigger picture. the issue is about control and you not feeling like you're respected enough in this relationship for your views to be equally AS important as his. Its a tough one on the dog front because one of you has to back down.

The rest of the stuff you've mentioned, well, to me, he sounds like a bit of a controlling D1ck and from someone who wasted 12 years with someone who didnt respect me, i would advise you to jump ship sooner rather than later because there are a fair few things you have talked about on top of the whole dog issue. We can brush these grievances under the carpet but eventually they will come to a head. You really don't sound happy.

There are so many wonderful men out there and i eventually found one myself and i sometimes have to pinch myself to know just what i tolerated in the name of "loyalty" and thinking that was as good as it got.

i do think though, that as regards the bank holiday weekend, you've sort of cut your nose off to spite your face on that one. Let it go and just have some nice "me" time without clearing up after him.

[bednobs]

how can you possibly know he asked you because he knew you'd say no? He may well have asked because he WANTED you to go!

you can't have it both ways - say no then blame him for you saying no!