Does he just not love me enough?

[jem_bob]

Hey guys, this is a bit of a silly question and you may think I'm being a bit childish...
Recently moved in with my boyfriend. Miss my dog terribly (wasn't allowed to take him with me as my Dad loves him too much and he's a bit too big for our place). Want to get a puppy of my own, a Pomeranian that will stay around the 4lb mark when fully grown. I'll do EVERYTHING for him and my boyfriend doesn't have to have anything to do with him other than share a living space. He just keeps saying no, nothing I do or say will change his mind. I've come up with solutions to every problem he has found and he just says he doesn't want one. I thought couples were supposed to love each other and do anything to make the other happy. Bear in mind my boyfriend has been spoilt all his life and stupidly I have never said no to him over anything. I do everything around the home and even sorted out the purchase all on my own. I think he's being incredibly unfair by not allowing me to be happy. He told me he would leave me if I didn't want kids one day and I see this as a similar situation. It does sound childish doesn't it, but does anyone have any comments or advice on how to change his mind?

[Beanmistriss]

Well why didn't you say all that in the first place and ask about the dog??

I would dearly love a dog - love one love one! My bloke doesn't. He says it's too much of a tie. its not even like a kid that you can take where ever you want. I don't think thats controlling. it's just how he feels.

[jem_bob]

Yeah, thanks everyone. I give up, as usual. He can have his way, as usual.

[ummmm]

Why post about the dog when it's not about the dog then?

Him doing nothing around the home would be as much your fault as his. Stop doing things for him...simple. Or stop moaning.

I've lived with my bloke for a year and I think he's done the dishes once and put one load of washing on. I do not take that into consideration when making a decision.

[jem_bob]

You might fancy the idea on living in a hovel, but I don't. If I don't do it, we will be living in a sh*t pit. That's why I do it. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

[ummmm]

Have you tried asking him to do stuff? Like I said, my BF does nothing. He doesn't even make tea or go to the fridge. But if I asked him to he would.

[jem_bob]

I do ask him, and he does do things. But then he acts like he deserves a Nobel Prize for doing it and throws it back at me for days afterwards. It's easier just to not ask. But as I said, it doesn't mean I have to like it. The main issue here is I do so much for him, and us as a relationship and he won't do this for me. But I've decided to give up with it now. If I can't convince you guys, then I don't stand a chance with him!

[Schutzengel]

Leaving the dog out of it. It's all the other problems that need addressing. It should be team work between the two of you, unless you want to end up being worn out with trying to do everything. As long as you continue to do everything, believe me, your partner will let you, and nothing will change. You really need to think about whether this is the kind of life you want.

[madmaggot]

Why don't you compromise on this? You had a dog but left it at your dad's, why can't you go there and see it, walk it and maybe have it at home sometimes? Seems to be you found it quite easy to leave that dog for your boyfriend but now have decided that he is not enough. I just know that I could not give up my dog EVER! If she did not come with me then I would not go. A dog is not a toy to play with when it pleases you but discard when you want to move on.

[brenda]

I do not think you will be able to change his mind , because he is totally selfish and not prepared to consider what you may want.

Did you really choose this man over a dog?
You want your bumps read!

[jem_bob]

So you suggest I live at home with my parents for the next 10 to 15 years? I absolutely love my dog to pieces, but so do my parents and couldn't bear to part with him. We also have another dog, who he loves dearly and would be very unhappy if we seperated them. I couldn't do that to him, as you well know it's all about the dog's best interests. And yes Brenda, he is very selfish. He never compromises, but throws his toys out of the pram if I don't agree to something he wants. I shouldn't have indulged him, but 3 1/2 years down the line, it's too late now. I just expected and felt I deserved him doing this for me after all I have given to this relationship. As I've said, I'm giving up with it now. Once again, he's got his own way.

[sara3]

jem-bob, can you tell us what his good points are?

what is it about him that makes you happy?

[TurtleWax]

Sorry jem but your partner is a selfish childish spoilt little tw@t. If you let this slide it will just be another nail in your relationship coffin.

"He told me he would leave me if I didn't want kids one day"
emotional abuse from him - he is an @rsehole

"I have never said no to him over anything"
digging your own grave - grow a backbone

"Bear in mind my boyfriend has been spoilt all his life"
then don't perpetuate that cycle - he doesn't deserve you

If you are so afraid of wasting the last 31/2 years it's already a mute point. There is nothing to save. You will never be happy if you stay with a man like that and he will never learn to do anything for himself if he has a woman like you.
He is lazy, mean and manipulative. Leave him and find a man who will bend over backwards to make you happy simply because he loves you. They do exist you know.

: o)

[Bbbananas]

It's a dog (and a Pomeranian at that: if you want a dog, lust after a proper one).

And he's a man. Nuff said.

[homedeeth]

hey jem_bob

start putting your boyfriends dinner in a dog bowl until he changes his mind

[jem_bob]

Haha, that's fantastic homedeeth. TurtleWax, it's not that I'm afraid of wasting the last 3 1/2 years, I just think having given in to him for so long, it's too late to start changing things now. Isn't it? I wouldn't know where to start! Sara3 he's very funny at times, he's really loving, he SAYS he loves me more than anything and treats me well the majority of the time. It may sound like i'm contradicting myself here. I really do love him. But I can't help but feel with the amount i do for him, he doesn't do an awful lot in return other than hugs and kisses and words of love. Relationships take more than that. He can also use emotional blackmail and he's very sly and manipulative at times. He sounds absolutely horrible on here, but he's not. I'm just struggling with this, as I think if he loved me as much as he says he does, he would do anything to make me happy. He's not going to budge though, so I need to forget this and just move on.

[Bbbananas]

He should be old enough to realise that a relationship is all about compromise. I know I was a bit sarky earlier on (but I really don't see the point of 'toy dogs' - I like 'proper' dogs!!!) , but I can understand your dilemma is really about him always wanting his own way.

He needs to grow up and be an adult. There is no simple answer other than what your heart tells you to do.

[jem_bob]

I know many may think Pomeranians are pointless, but my parents have had them for years and we just love them. You're right. I seem to have changed over the years, giving in to everything for an easy life. I've become a doormat. I'd like nothing more than to just go and get that dog even without his permission and then he'd have to just deal with it. But it's really not in me to do that, and it's not fair. He really is sucking up now beyond belief. He knows he's wrong else he wouldn't be doing it. And he knows it's upsetting me. But he just won't back down.

[philandlil]

If your Dad had let you have your dog would the boyfriend have been ok with that one living with you?

[jem_bob]

My Da was almost impossible to persuade to let me get the dog. And now he's obsessed with it! He won't let me take it with me, and as I said I wouldn't want to seperate him from the other one. I had hoped this might happen with my boyfriend and he would end up loving it like my Dad does. But he won't even give it a chance. My dog isn't particularly well behaved. He was our first dog and we were fairly naive when it came to training with him. So my boyfriend isn't a huge fan of him. Perhaps this is why he's so against me getting one, as he's got a bad impression of what they can be like. But he doesn't seem to understand that we would train the puppy to behave, not bark, get on the sofa's etc. Plus the other one is as good as gold, so he can see that they're not al bad.