Help My Marriage Please

[helpmymarriage]

Good day, my name is John, and I am a courier truck driver. My wife and I have been married for almost seven years. I feel like I am the woman in the relationship. Let me explain... I Love to cuddle, hold hands, kiss, and just show my affection towards her and always initiate the sex as well. I always try to be there when she needs me in both the good and the bad and same with me, I can contact her to discuss the good and the bad and continue with a better positive day. Sharing each other's emotions is a healthy way of dropping any negatives to a minimum so both can continue the rest of their day. I don't: drink, smoke, have friends, and don't party. I was diagnosed with ADHD, Addison's Disease, and Anxiety. Always take my Addison and Anxiety medication as prescribed. I used to take ADHD MEDs but it always made me feel like a zombie. I can better control myself if need be. Love the attention and like to sing. I was in the chorus for two years and still don't know what I stopped going. I have always been told that I am a bit immature, cut people off, change subjects but mature when I need to be. I just love to be my silly self.

My wife is the opposite in some cases. Doesn't like affection at all, doesn't like to hear me sing even though she has told me that I have a beautiful voice. She prefers to listen to her music via headphones. If I kiss her it's super short. She was diagnosed with depression/anxiety. She has gone several times to the psychiatrist, which shows her trying.

She has taken several MEDs but nothing seems to be working. When her depression activates she says the following: marrying me was the worst mistake and that she feels trapped and has no friends. When we are sleeping, she feels more comfortable putting her hands over my back. I try to touch her because I feel that when you show the woman you married how important and sexy she still is that she would feel it. If you just say how you feel and don't show it then that's worthless. Never happy.


I told her that all I want from her is happiness, but she said that she doesn't feel like she will ever be happy. She blames me for all her problems. She knows that I love her and wants the best. I am told that she doesn't love herself. She is a behavior therapist for the Autistic and feels and I have told her that she is helping someone in need. When I try to talk about us, she says I know I don't want to talk about it and I say that we need to because something is bothering me. Explained to her.

My wife is Colombian and the reason I say this is that what I am about to explain has something to do with it. I had done all my laundry for my work clothes except my jeans and shirt to wear for the day because I never get to wear other clothes than my work clothes lol. Anyways...

I wore a Colombian shirt that, of course, read Colombia. It was one that I received from her as a gift. That day we were going to the Supermarket, and she changed her personality. Not going. Don't like attention.

She started throwing a tantrum and since she had food in her hands threw it on the ground and started crying saying that I wore the shirt for the attention and that people were going to start asking questions. She cries a lot and I always ask her are you in pain? Said no then I asked why are you crying. Replied that she's not happy. I asked her to please stop crying, and she said I made her cry. Many times she can be violent with words and actions.

She wanted a divorce and said I don't know why I continue with you. Mind you she says all these negatives when depression kicks in. When depression is at rest she can be nice and a pleasure to have around, but her depression as I have seen it is next door and comes in knocking when she doesn't get her way or when I try to talk to her about us. I want a child in the future, but she says its evil that she doesn't see her as a mother, yet we spoke about it before getting married, and she answered YA.

I said you can't keep crying all the time

[helpmymarriage]

and blaming me for your depression/anxiety. It's a disease, but not who you are. You are better than that. Don't let it control you. She is way beautiful and smart and I tell her that all the time. Once I say to her, you want a divorce then fine is this what you really want??? She replies no and that she will try to get close and be more affectionate but it's not her. , so I feel and know its words without any actions.


Hopefully, I can get some of your knowledge and advice that I would be willing to use because this is getting tiring, and I am trying hard.

[waterboatman]

Classic signs of depression. I suggest you ask her to go to a doctor with you. Take it from there.
Good luck.

[helpmymarriage]

The psychiatrist stated that she has depression/anxiety. Her hormone levels are low and she has done nothing but follow the doctors orders but nothing has changed.

[waterboatman]

Back to the doctor. Ask to see a psychiatrist.

[waterboatman]

Just read your last post. See a different psychiatrist.
I'm an ex-army medic. So I know what you're saying. Another psychiatrist may have a different idea.

[helpmymarriage]

Yes, shes been to 5 because I noticed that she wasn't being helped.
Also.. they always seem to cancel and reschedule often. Always do hypnosis and meditations. Nothing has worked...

[waterboatman]

In that case it may be worth trying a councilor.

[helpmymarriage]

I wanted to try a marriage counselor but I felt she needed help first and plus she always wanted to go alone to these therapists and psychiatrists.

[waterboatman]

No. You should be with her!

[LadyCG]

Perhaps she want to talk to a Counsellor or Psychotherapist about things she cannot relate to you. Do you know much about her past?

Why don't you ask her if she wants some space to try and work things out in her head? I think the worst thing you can do is try to smother her. Just let her know that you are always available if she wants to talk or just a shoulder to cry on. If you appear too needy and clingy, it will be even more draining upon her.

You clearly love her but you much give her the freedom to work her feelings out.

[waterboatman]

Very well said LCG.