Insurance1 min ago
BiddyGrotto
1904 Answers
It seems we're not getting any changes on AB 'til after xmas so I've set up a grotto for us. Sorry it's a bit like a scene from Great Expectations but I've sprayed a few cobwebs silver & blown the dust off me doileys so please come in & sit down.
What do all the biddies/grumps want to find in their wrinkly stockings this year then? Do you like all this festivity or will you be the grumpy gran/grandpa from hell this year?
Please feel free to take a present out of the bran tub as you leave by the way. Contents may be unidentifiable....oops sorry...be varied.
What do all the biddies/grumps want to find in their wrinkly stockings this year then? Do you like all this festivity or will you be the grumpy gran/grandpa from hell this year?
Please feel free to take a present out of the bran tub as you leave by the way. Contents may be unidentifiable....oops sorry...be varied.
Answers
Best Answer
No best answer has yet been selected by Robinia. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
and:
Growing Old Gracefully
There's a mole on my neck that's growing a hair
When I was younger it wasn't there
A lot of things changed since I've grown older
like my fallen arches and this hump on my shoulder
Yesterday I noticed a twitch in one eye
and spots on my hand that resemble a fly
I used to be able to party all night
but now to stay awake until five is a fight
My breasts used to be firm and quite pert
Now I have to be careful they don't drag in the dirt
Gravity surely has taken its toll
What was once on the surface is now in a hole
The backs of my arms are wobbly like jelly
and I found the remote tucked under my belly
I used to eat steak but now I can't chew it
Growing old gracefully. I don't think I can do it
I'm going to enjoy those poems gessoo - love Grannie's Trannie
extract....
Since Grannie tuned her trannie to a wee small hours D.J.,
She's learning, on an average, six new words a day!
When she used her new found knowledge to express her point of view
The pot plants all keeled over and the atmosphere burned blue!........
My 70yrs+ neighbour's the same with channel five.....
Have a good time Jude
.....mmmm there goes a Biddy with a social life......
I'll bet Vinny has rigged up a device to let him know when it's nearly post no 1000......we could let him have the honour just as long as he's very nice to us, doesn't sing any Petula songs, cleans the lav, picks up his empty tinnies, puts out the rubbish, & brings us all chocs and flowers......takes us shopping.....fits me a new kitchen light......no, second thoughts, no electrics....
Whooosh>>>>>>>>>Flings lotto ticket across room.
He He...love the poems gessoo...
Codgering
I wake up each morning, scratch my ass and head,
Then read the day's obits to see if I'm dead,
And seeing I'm not I get up for a piddle,
Then crawl back in bed where I diddle a little.
At six I make coffee and drink it down black,
And eat me some toast, without teeth I just smack.
I turn on the TV, tune in to 'Today'
And watch that cute Katie, she'd make a great lay
(:)
Here is a poem especially for me Neti and Jno
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.
I wish I'd been that much more willin'
When I had more tooth there than fillin'
To pass up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers
And to buy something else with me shillin'.
When I think of the lollies I licked,
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.
My Mother, she told me no end,
"If you got a tooth, you got a friend"
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.
Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin'
And pokin' and fussin'
Didn't seem worth the time... I could bite!
If I'd known I was paving the way,
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fiIlin's
Injections and drillin's
I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.
So I lay in the old dentist's chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine,
In these molars of mine,
"Two amalgum," he'll say, "for in there."
How I laughed at my Mother's false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath,
But now comes the reckonin'
It's me they are beckonin'
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.
I wish I'd been that much more willin'
When I had more tooth there than fillin'
To pass up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers
And to buy something else with me shillin'.
When I think of the lollies I licked,
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.
My Mother, she told me no end,
"If you got a tooth, you got a friend"
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.
Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin'
And pokin' and fussin'
Didn't seem worth the time... I could bite!
If I'd known I was paving the way,
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fiIlin's
Injections and drillin's
I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.
So I lay in the old dentist's chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine,
In these molars of mine,
"Two amalgum," he'll say, "for in there."
How I laughed at my Mother's false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath,
But now comes the reckonin'
It's me they are beckonin'
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.
Thats brill shaney...
Now I'm old and feeble,
And my pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.
'Twas a time, when of it's own accord
From my trousers it would spring,
But now I have a part time job
To find the blasted thing.
I used to be embarrased
To make that thing behave,
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.
But as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang it's withered head
And watch me tie my shoes
( :)
Glad you are O.K.Gessoo..the double whammy though is not nice.How strange as although I have O.E as you know I also have the rheumatoid as well.So we are both doubled up laughing !!!!
As for walking sticks..i have got one of those collapsable ones but I don't use it all the time (too vain,as Mr S. says) and it gets tangled up with the dogs lead and I nearly go A over T if I'm not careful.But there are times when I am grateful for it. If only to shake it at mouthy kids in the park and Vinny !! If we go up to North Norfolk when the weather improves I shall look out for you.I shall probably be run in after going around asking people if they are Gessoo!!
Not long to go now Robinia for your one thousandth reply.I bet Vinny is hovering over his keyboard in anticipation.
What shall we give for a prize?
As for walking sticks..i have got one of those collapsable ones but I don't use it all the time (too vain,as Mr S. says) and it gets tangled up with the dogs lead and I nearly go A over T if I'm not careful.But there are times when I am grateful for it. If only to shake it at mouthy kids in the park and Vinny !! If we go up to North Norfolk when the weather improves I shall look out for you.I shall probably be run in after going around asking people if they are Gessoo!!
Not long to go now Robinia for your one thousandth reply.I bet Vinny is hovering over his keyboard in anticipation.
What shall we give for a prize?
Latest Posts
Car Won't Start, But Rac Can't Find...
Motoring11 mins ago
Mps Have Voted In Favour Of Assisted...
News11 mins ago
ChatterBank12 mins ago
