Just Wanted To Share Something I've Written

[lolitasteward]

I love you more in your feverish state, when I soothe your burning face with a cool moist cloth and kiss your eyelids which hide your delirious dreams from this world. I adore your muttering dry lips that devour every drop of water I offer you with patience and care as I caress the matted hair on your chest.

[jourdain2]

Well, it communicates your passion - which is good.  Context is nil - which is bad.

If asked to critique on the few lines we have - I'd have said that there was an unbalanced emphasis on the 'I'. We know nothing about the recipient.  I'm sure this in an excerpt from a longer poem. :)

[melv16]

Is it to a cat?😁

[Clone]

Covid?

[Patsy33]

I thought it was man going on about his woman, until I read 'caress the matted hair on your chest' 😅

[Khandro]

Is the recipient an Ourang-outang with influenza?

[naomi24]

You want to share it - why?

[seekeerz]

.....and ?

[jno]

the basis of a lush love letter, if anyone writes love letters rather than texts any more.

[tomus42]

It sounds like something produced by AI.

Which it obviously is. I hope so anyway. If it isn't I'd give up in the poetry career.

[Maydup]

I read it as the author writing to a loved one who is at the end of their life. 

[tomus42]

I would have too maydup, until I saw the other lovely and  tearjerking sentiments expressed by the same user on other subjects.

[dustypuss]

Patsy it is a man going on about a woman 😁

[Patsy33]

Dusty, I'd like to say I'm shocked, but nothing surprises me these days.. 😄

[lolitasteward]

I don't know why every time you guys have to be so mean, but I'm only here to answer two questions:

1. No, IT IS NOT AI generated and no, I won't give up on my dreams for some random hater online 

2. It's about a woman going on about a man.

Is chest hair on a man that shocking to you? Lol You need to touch some grass instead of being chronically online!

[Neveracrossword]

The passage seems a trifle overwrought to me, it doesn't make me want to know more, read more.

[calmck]

If you want to share something you've written that's OK. If you don't want critique either don't post or say why you are sharing. I dont think anyone who has replied hates you, they don't know you, they are giving their opinion of your written prose. Liking someone's chest hair is a matter of personal taste. Nothing shocking.

[Maydup]

It was this section that made me assume it was someone nursing their husband.

//every drop of water I offer you with patience and care//

[maggiebee]

Reading this passage I agree with Maydup - sounds like someone nursing their husband/partner with care.