Crosswords6 mins ago
New Job
I got a job at Asda today, on the fish counter. I knew I Haddock in me.
I told my wife that I got a new job as a puppeteer “How on earth did you do that?” she asked “I had to pull a few strings” I replied.
Despite numerous hints, I hadn’t realised my son has been doing ballet for years. Today I finally put tu and tu together.
Recently I was on an astronomy course with John McEnroe. We were looking through a telescope at a star in the night sky and he said, “You cannot be Sirius.”
I went in to buy some jeans and said to the woman, “I am looking for some jeans.” She said, “What leg?” I said “Both.”
My girlfriend is going to be really happy with me. I’ve told her to stay in and polish my medieval battle re-enactment uniform while I go to the pub with the lads. She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
I have been feeling down all evening, I think my duvet has split.
Do you know what really gets my goat? Goat thieves.
I went to the music shop and asked for a violin. The shopkeeper then gave me one with a bow. I don’t know why he even wrapped it.
I have been up all night working on a cold case, twenty four bottles of Stella.
I told my wife that I got a new job as a puppeteer “How on earth did you do that?” she asked “I had to pull a few strings” I replied.
Despite numerous hints, I hadn’t realised my son has been doing ballet for years. Today I finally put tu and tu together.
Recently I was on an astronomy course with John McEnroe. We were looking through a telescope at a star in the night sky and he said, “You cannot be Sirius.”
I went in to buy some jeans and said to the woman, “I am looking for some jeans.” She said, “What leg?” I said “Both.”
My girlfriend is going to be really happy with me. I’ve told her to stay in and polish my medieval battle re-enactment uniform while I go to the pub with the lads. She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
I have been feeling down all evening, I think my duvet has split.
Do you know what really gets my goat? Goat thieves.
I went to the music shop and asked for a violin. The shopkeeper then gave me one with a bow. I don’t know why he even wrapped it.
I have been up all night working on a cold case, twenty four bottles of Stella.
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