Terminal Bone Cancer

[nailit]

Mum was diagnosed just over a year ago with terminal (bone) cancer.
For the most part of the last year you wouldn't have thought that there was anything wrong with her apart from old age (87 this year) However the last few weeks have been a bit rough. She's now in a lot of pain and struggling to breathe. Cancer now infecting her spine, collar bone, ribs etc.
She refuses to go into hospital (I think that she fears dying alone with no visitors).
McMillan have been in touch but not much use other to enquire about bowel movements...they seem to have an obsession about how much she sh!ts and not about how much pain she is in.

She doesnt want to die in hospital, full stop!
Just dont know what to do to help her.
She could go on for months like this or she could die tonight judgeing by the state she was in today. (coughing and *** herself at the same time)
McMillan have been less than useless (unless it concerned bowl movements).

Hope I die before I get old....
.

[anneasquith]

If you are unhappy with the care from mcmillan nurses, contact your mothers gp.

[Mamyalynne]

So sorry to read this, it is so difficult to nurse someone at home but ideally (I know) a plan should be in place for all pain relief and necessary equipment to allow a dignified end at home.

Has the GP not arranged any district nurses,hospital bed etc?

[nailit]

I saw my father die a horrible death 19 yrs ago as well. Suffocating to death in his own fluids)
Suicide is an option in my opinion...should be legalised and made availaible on the NHS (While we still have it) and pain free as possible.

[nailit]

//If you are unhappy with the care from mcmillan nurses, contact your mothers gp.//
LOL, therin lies another story.
Mums GP is great, Mcmillan nurses not so. Think that they know better than mums GP.

[david small]

I agree with you nails. Assisted Suicide will one day be available for those terminally ill and in pain. To go with dignity and of a time of one’s choosing is humane. Unfortunately we have no choice at this juncture. Sorry indeed for your mom and family.

[237SJ]

I feel for you as I have been where you are. McMillan were useless (non existent actually). Have you engaged with the hospice?

[nailit]

//Has the GP not arranged any district nurses,hospital bed etc?//
Mum had careers ect who were *paid* by the half hour but in actuality did 10 minutes work (if that) and then spent 20 mins writing notes.....we sacked them off!

No district nurse in site since. Nothing!
An 86 yr old dying with cancer and NOTHING!

[nailit]

//Have you engaged with the hospice?//
TBF I had a cousin who died in a McMillan hospice and she recieved the best care possible.
But my mum wishes to die at home. But no care available,
McMillan can kiss my ass if they cant provide any care at home.
(which they arnt doing)

[Mamyalynne]

That is very poor, 12 years ago I nursed my Husband at home - he died two feet from where I am sitting now.

I had as much or as little help that I needed, eg I could manage to wash him but couldn't physically roll him to change sheets so they did the latter.

I was also advised of the signs to look for when a morphine pump would be needed, that was the actual day I said goodbye.

An end of life plan makes all the difference, sorry you have been let down.

I would try once more though to get something set up now.

[Pooka1950]

So sorry Nail it, my heart goes out to you. When my husband was bring treated in our local hospital the nurses had no time for McMillan. They said they got all the publicity, all the money and did f*** all. I can only suggest you contact the GP and kick up a stink, sometimes it is the only thing to do

[nailit]

Ive no doubt whatsoever that McMillan do a fantastic job, but when it comes to dying at home care theres a lack, and that need to be addressed!
My mums MacMillan nurses are a complete waste of time and their only concern is whether or not she's had a sh it that day. Never mind the pain that she's in or the fact that she cant walk, lift a finger, is constanty nauseus, has diarrohea, isnt eating, vomiting after drinking, cant keep meds down, etc. As long as shes been to the toilet for a number 2 then everything is fine.

My heads knackered with it all. Just dont get it!
And yes...im p ssed.
Just want my mum to pass in peace now.
End of life health care is a fuckn joke.

[nailit]

Never thought that after 54 years that I would wish my mother dead....
Just want to see her free now

[Mamyalynne]

I can understand that.

[nailit]

Thank you mamy x

[Grumpygrandad]

Have you tried Marie Curie Nurses? There is information on line
www,mariecurie.org.uk Hope you get some help and support quickly.

[Pooka1950]

I can understand that too. My Mum had dementia and though I loved her dearly her death was a blessed relief. Wishing you the strength to get through this.

[237SJ]

I remember when my Mum's breast cancer went into her bones (like your Mum ) and towards the end, I had to drive to work and be away for 4 days. A couple of times on the journey I nearly turned back because I had the feeling that I wouldn`t see my Mum again if I went to work. It was awful. My sister stayed with my Mum while I was away and when I came back from work I phoned for an ambulance for her. You might find that you need to do that because you will get results rather than whaffle from McMillan etc

[lady-janine]

So sorry to read this Nailit. I can offer no advice than having another go at her gp to help with pain relief and care.

[nailit]

Thanks all,
Just feel so helpless.
My fathers death was quick in comparison, my mum's been dying for the last year.
Prolonged and painful and pitiful.

And agencys not doing what they advertise as doing...

[pastafreak]

I'm so sorry to hear that your mum must be in so much pain and discomfort, and that you and your family are not getting the support you so badly need. Do try her GP again, and I wish your mum peace. x