Dear Doctor

[marval]

Dear Doctor,

I wish to have a vasectomy. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I know that contraceptives are absolutely useless.

After getting married I was told to use the "Rhythm Method." Whilst trying the samba my wife fell pregnant, and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-cha cha.

My doctor then suggested we use the safe method. At this time we were living with the in-laws and we had to wait three weeks for an empty house. Needless to say this didn't work.

A lady of experience informed us that if we made love while breast-feeding we would be alright. It's hardly tastes like beer, but I finished up with clear skin, silky hair and another child on the way.

Another old wives tale was jumping up and down after sex would prevent pregnancy. After breast-feeding, if my wife jumped up and down she would have ended up with two black eyes.

I asked a chemist about the condom. He demonstrated it, so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see how a Durex stretched over the thumb can prevent a baby.

My wife then tried the coil and after many unsuccessful attempts to fit it we realized that we had got a left-handed thread and my wife is definitely a right-handed screw.

The Dutch cap came next. We were very hopeful of this. But alas...it did give my wife a severe headache. We were given the largest size, but it was still too tight across her forehead.

Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out, then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife started then to put it between her knees, thus preventing me from getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot it, another child resulted.

If this operation is unsuccessful I shall have to revert to oral sex. Although I don't mind just talking about it, it could never be the same as the real thing.

Yours faithfully,

Ray Jackson

[Sagz]

I like this, it's nice especially the part with the pill. I also have a similar story but it's a very funny true story.

[albaqwerty]

nice to see you back on form marval

alba just chortles and chuckles, very good :D

[starone]

Don't tease sagz, for heaven's sake tell us and give us a laugh. No-one will know! It's all anonymous.

[Sagz]

@starbuckone - I'm trying to gather myself right now cause just by thinking of it makes me crack up. Don't worry, I'll rip it.