Why won't he just go ?

[jeno]

I treat my partner badly ( i think ) it's more like a friendship relationship after 10 years together . I feel as if i use him for his car because he takes me to places, i have only got to ask and he will do things for me . I tend to just use him i can't help it . I feel as if we have just drifted apart and i say to him why don't you go and meet somebody who will give you a better life but he says he doesn't want anyone else . Any ideas what i can do ? thanks

[cazzz1975]

aww he sounds like a great guy, its a shame he is being treated like crap by you, I hope he finds someone nice

[Sqad]

jno...Menorca...LOL


Is she unhappy....mmmm! I wonder?

[joannie10]

you often hear of people struggling to get out of a relationship that is not good and happy due to self esteem being so low. Is sad as they perhaps just don't realise how happy they could be if only they did something about it. You don't say you are happy or unhappy but does not seem like you are happy or you would not be asking what to do!

[jno]

don't be too hard on jeno; she's bored and doesn't know what to do about it, it's pretty common. Acknowledging you've slipped into a co-dependency routine is a good start. But it's wrong to expect *him* to make the move when she's the discontented one.

[Sqad]

joannie

<<<You don't say you are happy or unhappy but does not seem like you are happy or you would not be asking what to do!>>>

Quite.

[cazzz1975]

if she were happy she wouldnt have asked for advice.

[Old_Geezer]

Why would he leave ? He's obviously happy doing thigns to please the woman he cares for, and she hasn't the courage to officially break off the relationship.

Why not have a good think about what you want ? Are you happy to carry on with the guilt feelings ? Or are you going to change and make a more even relationship of it ? Or do you really want to make a permanent break ? If you found someone else, would you just treat them the same anyway ?

It's no good hinting off and hoping the other person will do what you won't. Especially if they feel no incentive to.

[Sqad]

cazz...that is illogical.....happy people often ask for advice.

[Ankou]

very well put old geezer.

[Lore]

Why don't you stop using him? become more independent and don't ask for him for lifts everywhere.

I must admit, it does sound as if you've already left (the relationship) Why should he be the one to leave? - out of curiosity.

[carmalee]

seems to me you are feeling guilty and have decided the solution is to split up - that will placate your feelings but will hurt him - why not have a chat with BF and ask him what he thinks - be honest, he may be happy just sticking around - you can't decide for him - however, if you are splitting up cos you want to go onto pastures new do it - don't string him along and mess about with his feelings any more.

[anneasquith]

jeno. do you have any children ?

[redcrx]

do you want him to be the one who leaves because of your 3 year old?

perhaps your partner could have custody and the house and you could just walk away and find yourself??

[Pinkypie]

Just re read your post and the title says it all really "Why won't He just go?" There is contempt in that question.

I think you probably know what's right to do!

[Sqad]

recrx...how did you know that they had a 3yr old?

[jackthehat]

sqad - http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/members/jeno/

It often helps if you have a look at a 'patient's' history........surely you know that?

[Sqad]

JTH....right.

[brenda]

I am amazed Jeno at just how self orientated you are. there are 3 of you in this situation , not a word about your child.Do you expect a man to walk away , leave his home , his child just because you have been chatting with someone on FB.
Someone who obviously fancies a bit of a fling.
Get real for goodness sake, you have been together 10 years , have a child ,and are with a man who obviously loves you.

If the spark has gone between you , then make the time to re-ignite what was there, as has been suggested.
If it fails then why do you not walk away leaving him the house and child, so that you can join your potential FB lover.
You cannot have it all your own way jeno.