Why won't he just go ?

[jeno]

I treat my partner badly ( i think ) it's more like a friendship relationship after 10 years together . I feel as if i use him for his car because he takes me to places, i have only got to ask and he will do things for me . I tend to just use him i can't help it . I feel as if we have just drifted apart and i say to him why don't you go and meet somebody who will give you a better life but he says he doesn't want anyone else . Any ideas what i can do ? thanks

[sara3]

what do you want? do you want him to stay or go?

men tend not to leave unless someone else is waiting.

[jeno]

Hi sara3 i just think he would be better off meeting someone else i do love him but i think the relationship is over . It's not fair to keep using him . I have also been chatting to an ex partner from years ago on facebook which hasn't help because he has made me see that i need more excitement .Selfish or what ?

[sara3]

not selfish, but if you think a bit of excitement makes for a long-term relationship.. you're probably wrong.

have a bit of respect for your partner. if you think it's over tell him, and let him find someone who wants to be with him. if you're not sure, try relationship counselling.

[mickrog]

or maybe an old partner who wants ro revisit old pastures

[netibiza]

Jeno this often happens in long relationships, so why don't you tell him that you want him to go, and that you want to meet new people. Telling him to go and meet new people isn't dumping him, I think you need to spell it out.

[jeno]

Thank you all for your replies you are all right , i feel like we are just going round and round in circles and nothing changes i just don't want to hurt him but it needs to be done .

[netibiza]

My answer doesn't appear to make much sense but, I think you can see what I mean, and stop using him!

[ummmm]

I did think getting a lift from someone you've been with for 10 years can be considered using them.

Just sounds like you're feeling a bit guilty for chatting to an ex and now you're trying to make out you're trying to do your current partner a favour.

If you don't want to be with him anymore...tell him. If you do want to be with him, stop chatting with your ex and concentrate on making your current relationship more exciting.

[ummmm]

That was suppose to say *I don't think

[Pinkypie]

How would you feel if he did go? And how do you really feel about him being happy with someone else?

If you are fine with it and would be happier for him to go, then you need to tell him in no uncertain terms!

If the thought makes you sad and you think there could be hope for you both then take the advice of sara3, maybe counseling?

Could a holiday together to forget about the 'routine' of your lives make a difference. Lots go on a 'make or break' holiday?

[Ankou]

"Just sounds like you're feeling a bit guilty for chatting to an ex and now you're trying to make out you're trying to do your current partner a favour."

spot on.

[Ankou]

i also think trying to get him to make the decision to end it is cowardly and deceitful. i'm surprised he has put up with your for 10 years to be honest.

[jno]

why should he go, when it's you who want to?

What ummmm says, really.

[ummmm]

I agree Ankou.

Sounds like someone trying to end a relationship with their reputation intact. Can play the hurt party while secretly excited about hooking up with an Ex.

[Sqad]

<< I feel as if we have just drifted apart >>

That syndrome is common in the establishment know as "marriage" Very common and no big deal.

<<<Any ideas what i can do ?>>>

Yes...I have....take a lover and then you will have the best of both worlds, a reliable, but boring, partner and a lover, probably unreliable, but good in bed.

[redcrx]

agree with jno. Why dont you leave him if you're not happy?

[anneasquith]

" lovers that are good in bed " :) think of the taxi fares!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sqad]

redcrx...she didn't say that she wasn't happy..........

[Ankou]

red, like said above, she wants to play the wounded party.

[jno]

Sqad, the whole post says she's unhappy. It's not the post of a happy woman.

anne, it's not just the taxi fares, it's the air fares to Menorca.