Need To Get Out Of Marriage

[lauraking72]

i have had enough of the way things are in my marriage, been married 20 years and i am 40. I have no where to go and dont know how to go about things. any advice will be gratefully recieved :(

[hc4361]

Any children?
Do you own your home?
Is he violent/abusive?
Do you work?

[Sqad]

Easy....just work out the finances first. Can you afford your own accommodation, purchased or rented?

If the answer is no...then stop there.......you can't get out of the marriage.

if the answer is yes, then you need to talk to your husband and tell him that you do not want to spend the rest of your life with him as you have better alternatives (another bloke maybe?).

Marriage need not be a life sentence, only you make it so.

Not easy, ........repercussions, but it is done by tens of thousands of people every year.

[bookbinder]

You can get expert advice here:
http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html

[maggiebee]

When I was in that position, my first visit was to a solicitor for advice. Things moved relatively quickly after that.

[boxtops]

Do you have a permanent job, are you secure in your own finances? As long as you can support yourself (even by temping, as I did) then you can do it. If you own the house jointly you may be entitled to some of the value of that.

How does your husband feel about it? (not that you need to let that influence you....)

Been there, done that, so I know how you feel.

[ladybirder]

If you are being abused, seek help here: http://refuge.org.uk/

[boxtops]

PS depends where you live, but we took out a separation order (see link) which then evidenced the day I left, and that was helpful when the 2-day period was up and I wanted to apply for a divorce. The separation order also details who's going to pay for what, etc., so there is no dispute during the post-separation period. You need to see a solicitor though - not recommended to try to do it yourself.

[ladybirder]

I see you have a son who would be 17'ish. Has he left home now or will you be taking him with you?

[Chinajan]

Quote Sqad
'Easy....just work out the finances first. Can you afford your own accommodation, purchased or rented?

If the answer is no...then stop there.......you can't get out of the marriage.'

What absolute nonsense.

It will be more difficult unless you have the wherewithal but there are alternatives. Many people stay with relatives or friends until they find their feet. In the case of domestic abuse there are refuges, or you can apply to the local council for emergency accommodation.

[Sqad]

Chinajan.

I am glad that you enjoyed my post...LOL

\\\\ Many people stay with relatives or friends until they find their feet.\\\

They do indeed, but that is a very short term alternative and often increases the stress that you are already under and may lose that friendship.

If your friends are married, you staying with them may put pressure on their marriage.

[lauraking72]

thanks guys, not abusive no, well not physically but i sometimes feel mentally abused. we have our own home, i have only ever had little part time jobs he has paid for everything over the years, except my mobile bill, so cant complain in that department really. only have my 17 yr old son left at home, he clashes with his dad but also with me to be honest. i dont know how to approach the subject with my husband. i am scared of the unknown really. i dont think i could just dump myself on friends. i started a part time job in october so dont ave a lot of money, if i was to go to a relative i would not be able to work as its too far from my place of employment as i dont drive.

[albaqwerty]

Have you, can you, speak to your husband about how unhappy you are?
He might be feeling the same way.

[AlwaysConfused]

Up sticks and go - it's surprising how quickly you will land on your feet.