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Confused At 30 - Premature Midlife Crisis?
132 Answers
Aghhh! I am so annoyed this morning and I think I'm having either some kind of mental breakdown, or a premature midlife crisis. Or both.
As you know, I met a guy not so long ago, and he was a bit of a twit. I started warming to him though, and it appeared the feeling was mutual.
BUT, he just keeps on messing me around and it's really, really frustrating!
He say's he's gonna come round, then he doesn't. He says he's busy with his mates, but then pops round unexpected and always when it's totally not convenient. He never lets me know any of this. A simple text would be nice, but I don't ever hear anything until the next day.
He spends most of his time during the day at the gym, and works until late at night. He seems to have loads of time for his mates, and is always planning to do stuff with them over the weekend, and planning holidays, but when it comes to me it's a bit like 'whenever I've got 5 minutes to spare, or need somewhere to sleep'. He went through a stage of coming round at 4am, when he finished work, but I had to put a stop to that as it was making me really tired the next day and, unlike him, I have stuff to do and can't be laying in bed until midday. We had a bit of a row about it all, and he said I wasn't 'letting him in to my life', and that's why he spent so much time with his mates?! I wasn't being nasty, but I explained to him that I wasn't go to start playing happy families with someone I'd only just met. Anyway, we both came to the conclusion that it wasn't really going anywhere, but we would stay as friends - which suited me fine.
He offered to pick something up for me the other day, as it was on his way home, and popped round to drop it off. The conversation was really forced and he sent me a text after he left to say he felt awkward and wanted more than to be just friends. Aghhhh!
He rang me yesterday and asked if he could pop round and collect his trousers (other thread) to which I said I wouldn't have them until the morning. He said he'd come round anyway as he wanted to chat. I asked him to come round after 9, which he said was fine.
Anyway, I waited and waited and text him at 10 to ask if he was still coming. No reply. Totally fed up and annoyed, I went to bed at about half 11/12, and sent him a text to say so.
4 o'clock this morning my doorbell goes!! Not happy. He says there was trouble at work (what, all night!?) and that he didn't have a signal... which is highly unlikely. He ended up staying here, and then I asked him to leave about an hour ago as I have to go and pick the kids up in a bit and have stuff to do.
Well, that went down like a lead balloon. He said he'd come with me. I said no way blasé. Him and my ex coming face-to-face is not really something I'm ready to deal with just yet. He got dressed, went downstairs and just left without saying a word. I phoned him, no answer, so sent him a text to say I was sorry. Why am I apologising? I feel like I'm dealing with Kevin the teenager !
Quite therapeutic to have a good rant, but just wondering what the general feeling on this is.
Am I being horrible by 'not letting him in', or is he being unfair.
Either way, is it a case of 'flogging a dead horse'?
As you know, I met a guy not so long ago, and he was a bit of a twit. I started warming to him though, and it appeared the feeling was mutual.
BUT, he just keeps on messing me around and it's really, really frustrating!
He say's he's gonna come round, then he doesn't. He says he's busy with his mates, but then pops round unexpected and always when it's totally not convenient. He never lets me know any of this. A simple text would be nice, but I don't ever hear anything until the next day.
He spends most of his time during the day at the gym, and works until late at night. He seems to have loads of time for his mates, and is always planning to do stuff with them over the weekend, and planning holidays, but when it comes to me it's a bit like 'whenever I've got 5 minutes to spare, or need somewhere to sleep'. He went through a stage of coming round at 4am, when he finished work, but I had to put a stop to that as it was making me really tired the next day and, unlike him, I have stuff to do and can't be laying in bed until midday. We had a bit of a row about it all, and he said I wasn't 'letting him in to my life', and that's why he spent so much time with his mates?! I wasn't being nasty, but I explained to him that I wasn't go to start playing happy families with someone I'd only just met. Anyway, we both came to the conclusion that it wasn't really going anywhere, but we would stay as friends - which suited me fine.
He offered to pick something up for me the other day, as it was on his way home, and popped round to drop it off. The conversation was really forced and he sent me a text after he left to say he felt awkward and wanted more than to be just friends. Aghhhh!
He rang me yesterday and asked if he could pop round and collect his trousers (other thread) to which I said I wouldn't have them until the morning. He said he'd come round anyway as he wanted to chat. I asked him to come round after 9, which he said was fine.
Anyway, I waited and waited and text him at 10 to ask if he was still coming. No reply. Totally fed up and annoyed, I went to bed at about half 11/12, and sent him a text to say so.
4 o'clock this morning my doorbell goes!! Not happy. He says there was trouble at work (what, all night!?) and that he didn't have a signal... which is highly unlikely. He ended up staying here, and then I asked him to leave about an hour ago as I have to go and pick the kids up in a bit and have stuff to do.
Well, that went down like a lead balloon. He said he'd come with me. I said no way blasé. Him and my ex coming face-to-face is not really something I'm ready to deal with just yet. He got dressed, went downstairs and just left without saying a word. I phoned him, no answer, so sent him a text to say I was sorry. Why am I apologising? I feel like I'm dealing with Kevin the teenager !
Quite therapeutic to have a good rant, but just wondering what the general feeling on this is.
Am I being horrible by 'not letting him in', or is he being unfair.
Either way, is it a case of 'flogging a dead horse'?
Answers
Madmen, you disappoint me. I thought you had more sense than to give this bloke the time of day. Get rid of him, and quickly. As my old mother used to say, and now I have taken her place and am saying it, there's plenty more fish in the sea, girl, than ever came out of it.
22:41 Wed 13th Mar 2013
Excuse the delay. I've only just noticed the further responses.
Yeah, that's the one, Smow.
Mccfluff, he came round and, although I was in bed, I could hear him knocking on the door.
I'd taken the batteries out of the doorbell and switched my phone off.
Anyway, it kind of got worse...
He came round, unexpectedly, and I answered the door without seeing who it was first.
Thankfully the kids weren't here, but he basically barged his way in and had a massive go at me.
He started off really nice, saying how he was upset that I didn't trust him and how I "didn't want to share my life with him" (??) but he soon changed his tune and got a bit aggressive.
He was in my hallway and, without wanting to sound dramatic, had the front door not been open then I'm not sure what would have happened.
He raised his hand and, as I moved to the side, he punched the wall full on and bust his fist. He just went crazy and starting yelling at me.
I jumped out the front door and told him to leave - which he then did.
He followed this up (today) with texts saying he... er... "loved" me, and that he was just annoyed with the being 'second best' (to my kids!!)
Yeah, that's the one, Smow.
Mccfluff, he came round and, although I was in bed, I could hear him knocking on the door.
I'd taken the batteries out of the doorbell and switched my phone off.
Anyway, it kind of got worse...
He came round, unexpectedly, and I answered the door without seeing who it was first.
Thankfully the kids weren't here, but he basically barged his way in and had a massive go at me.
He started off really nice, saying how he was upset that I didn't trust him and how I "didn't want to share my life with him" (??) but he soon changed his tune and got a bit aggressive.
He was in my hallway and, without wanting to sound dramatic, had the front door not been open then I'm not sure what would have happened.
He raised his hand and, as I moved to the side, he punched the wall full on and bust his fist. He just went crazy and starting yelling at me.
I jumped out the front door and told him to leave - which he then did.
He followed this up (today) with texts saying he... er... "loved" me, and that he was just annoyed with the being 'second best' (to my kids!!)
He did have stuff here, but I put it outside after he left and sent him a text saying what I'd done.
It wasn't anything major, just some clothes and dvd's. They'd gone within half an hour, so I'm assuming he came back and took them.
I've also told him if he does anything like that again then I'll not hesitate in phoning the police. He didn't respond to that.
I was actually really scared.
I may be an idiot at times, and a bit of a cow, but I don't think I deserve a punch in the face by someone who's built like a brick *** :-(
I just wish I'd never met him. The Halo has well and truly slipped....
It wasn't anything major, just some clothes and dvd's. They'd gone within half an hour, so I'm assuming he came back and took them.
I've also told him if he does anything like that again then I'll not hesitate in phoning the police. He didn't respond to that.
I was actually really scared.
I may be an idiot at times, and a bit of a cow, but I don't think I deserve a punch in the face by someone who's built like a brick *** :-(
I just wish I'd never met him. The Halo has well and truly slipped....
Soc, I know! For a moment, I actually felt guilty about this. Making him feel 'second best', but that's how it should be, right!
Tambo, I did think about telling my ex, but I think that will bring even more trouble to my door.
Hopefully that's the last of it, but if it does get out of hand, then I suppose I've got a back-up... not that I want to go down that route.
Tambo, I did think about telling my ex, but I think that will bring even more trouble to my door.
Hopefully that's the last of it, but if it does get out of hand, then I suppose I've got a back-up... not that I want to go down that route.
Tambo, I did think about this, but I'm not sure I wanna go down the whole 'cops' thing.
He's not a threat to my kids, he's a bloody muppet that just takes pleasure in being able to intimidate women.
I just worry he'll turn up when they're here.
I think he came that night as he knew they wouldn't be, though.
He's not a threat to my kids, he's a bloody muppet that just takes pleasure in being able to intimidate women.
I just worry he'll turn up when they're here.
I think he came that night as he knew they wouldn't be, though.
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