Family & Relationships1 min ago
Confused At 30 - Premature Midlife Crisis?
132 Answers
Aghhh! I am so annoyed this morning and I think I'm having either some kind of mental breakdown, or a premature midlife crisis. Or both.
As you know, I met a guy not so long ago, and he was a bit of a twit. I started warming to him though, and it appeared the feeling was mutual.
BUT, he just keeps on messing me around and it's really, really frustrating!
He say's he's gonna come round, then he doesn't. He says he's busy with his mates, but then pops round unexpected and always when it's totally not convenient. He never lets me know any of this. A simple text would be nice, but I don't ever hear anything until the next day.
He spends most of his time during the day at the gym, and works until late at night. He seems to have loads of time for his mates, and is always planning to do stuff with them over the weekend, and planning holidays, but when it comes to me it's a bit like 'whenever I've got 5 minutes to spare, or need somewhere to sleep'. He went through a stage of coming round at 4am, when he finished work, but I had to put a stop to that as it was making me really tired the next day and, unlike him, I have stuff to do and can't be laying in bed until midday. We had a bit of a row about it all, and he said I wasn't 'letting him in to my life', and that's why he spent so much time with his mates?! I wasn't being nasty, but I explained to him that I wasn't go to start playing happy families with someone I'd only just met. Anyway, we both came to the conclusion that it wasn't really going anywhere, but we would stay as friends - which suited me fine.
He offered to pick something up for me the other day, as it was on his way home, and popped round to drop it off. The conversation was really forced and he sent me a text after he left to say he felt awkward and wanted more than to be just friends. Aghhhh!
He rang me yesterday and asked if he could pop round and collect his trousers (other thread) to which I said I wouldn't have them until the morning. He said he'd come round anyway as he wanted to chat. I asked him to come round after 9, which he said was fine.
Anyway, I waited and waited and text him at 10 to ask if he was still coming. No reply. Totally fed up and annoyed, I went to bed at about half 11/12, and sent him a text to say so.
4 o'clock this morning my doorbell goes!! Not happy. He says there was trouble at work (what, all night!?) and that he didn't have a signal... which is highly unlikely. He ended up staying here, and then I asked him to leave about an hour ago as I have to go and pick the kids up in a bit and have stuff to do.
Well, that went down like a lead balloon. He said he'd come with me. I said no way blasé. Him and my ex coming face-to-face is not really something I'm ready to deal with just yet. He got dressed, went downstairs and just left without saying a word. I phoned him, no answer, so sent him a text to say I was sorry. Why am I apologising? I feel like I'm dealing with Kevin the teenager !
Quite therapeutic to have a good rant, but just wondering what the general feeling on this is.
Am I being horrible by 'not letting him in', or is he being unfair.
Either way, is it a case of 'flogging a dead horse'?
As you know, I met a guy not so long ago, and he was a bit of a twit. I started warming to him though, and it appeared the feeling was mutual.
BUT, he just keeps on messing me around and it's really, really frustrating!
He say's he's gonna come round, then he doesn't. He says he's busy with his mates, but then pops round unexpected and always when it's totally not convenient. He never lets me know any of this. A simple text would be nice, but I don't ever hear anything until the next day.
He spends most of his time during the day at the gym, and works until late at night. He seems to have loads of time for his mates, and is always planning to do stuff with them over the weekend, and planning holidays, but when it comes to me it's a bit like 'whenever I've got 5 minutes to spare, or need somewhere to sleep'. He went through a stage of coming round at 4am, when he finished work, but I had to put a stop to that as it was making me really tired the next day and, unlike him, I have stuff to do and can't be laying in bed until midday. We had a bit of a row about it all, and he said I wasn't 'letting him in to my life', and that's why he spent so much time with his mates?! I wasn't being nasty, but I explained to him that I wasn't go to start playing happy families with someone I'd only just met. Anyway, we both came to the conclusion that it wasn't really going anywhere, but we would stay as friends - which suited me fine.
He offered to pick something up for me the other day, as it was on his way home, and popped round to drop it off. The conversation was really forced and he sent me a text after he left to say he felt awkward and wanted more than to be just friends. Aghhhh!
He rang me yesterday and asked if he could pop round and collect his trousers (other thread) to which I said I wouldn't have them until the morning. He said he'd come round anyway as he wanted to chat. I asked him to come round after 9, which he said was fine.
Anyway, I waited and waited and text him at 10 to ask if he was still coming. No reply. Totally fed up and annoyed, I went to bed at about half 11/12, and sent him a text to say so.
4 o'clock this morning my doorbell goes!! Not happy. He says there was trouble at work (what, all night!?) and that he didn't have a signal... which is highly unlikely. He ended up staying here, and then I asked him to leave about an hour ago as I have to go and pick the kids up in a bit and have stuff to do.
Well, that went down like a lead balloon. He said he'd come with me. I said no way blasé. Him and my ex coming face-to-face is not really something I'm ready to deal with just yet. He got dressed, went downstairs and just left without saying a word. I phoned him, no answer, so sent him a text to say I was sorry. Why am I apologising? I feel like I'm dealing with Kevin the teenager !
Quite therapeutic to have a good rant, but just wondering what the general feeling on this is.
Am I being horrible by 'not letting him in', or is he being unfair.
Either way, is it a case of 'flogging a dead horse'?
Answers
Madmen, you disappoint me. I thought you had more sense than to give this bloke the time of day. Get rid of him, and quickly. As my old mother used to say, and now I have taken her place and am saying it, there's plenty more fish in the sea, girl, than ever came out of it.
22:41 Wed 13th Mar 2013
Lol Robina. I held off from replying when I saw that 60 was fast approaching :)
BM, yep, I think you've pretty much summed both him and the situation up.
I'm sure he just expected me to say "oooh, well in that case, come round" - which is probably what I would have said if I hadn't have come on here and asked the question.
Pasta, I really appreciate all the great advice I've been given today. I don't have many friends I can talk to, so it's nice to know I can reply on you lot :-)
Sycamore, unfortunately I can't seem to block numbers on my phone... have tried it in the past! Good idea about the ear plugs/wine... although I think they both have the same outcome :)
Woofgang, I was apologising because I genuinely felt bad. I don't want him to think I'm messing him around - which I suppose I kind of have been with my 'I don't want to see you/I do want to see you' nonsense.
He's not replied to my text, so I'm not really sure what to think now.
I'm not going to worry about it any longer and I think I'll take the above advice and just have myself an early night and remove the battery from the doorbell :-)
Robina, that thought has crossed my mind a hundred times...
Thanks to all who responded and all of you that have offered some really great advice. It really is appreciated.
x
BM, yep, I think you've pretty much summed both him and the situation up.
I'm sure he just expected me to say "oooh, well in that case, come round" - which is probably what I would have said if I hadn't have come on here and asked the question.
Pasta, I really appreciate all the great advice I've been given today. I don't have many friends I can talk to, so it's nice to know I can reply on you lot :-)
Sycamore, unfortunately I can't seem to block numbers on my phone... have tried it in the past! Good idea about the ear plugs/wine... although I think they both have the same outcome :)
Woofgang, I was apologising because I genuinely felt bad. I don't want him to think I'm messing him around - which I suppose I kind of have been with my 'I don't want to see you/I do want to see you' nonsense.
He's not replied to my text, so I'm not really sure what to think now.
I'm not going to worry about it any longer and I think I'll take the above advice and just have myself an early night and remove the battery from the doorbell :-)
Robina, that thought has crossed my mind a hundred times...
Thanks to all who responded and all of you that have offered some really great advice. It really is appreciated.
x
He is into you when it suits him - please don't have tom dick and harry round your kiddies - get rid of him - please live alone for quite some time and enjoy your kids are young - my neighbour has 6 different children to 4 men - and it is not nice. There will be a nice man out there for you when are you not looking.
He is truly using you and of course (I don't know your personality) but you seem to be subservient to him - don't be any more.
He is truly using you and of course (I don't know your personality) but you seem to be subservient to him - don't be any more.
Thanks for the further replies. You've all been really lovely :)
I have done as Nom's suggested, and delete his number from my phone. Even deleted 'phone log', just in case I was tempted after a few vino's :-/
Woofgang, I have actually seen a rise in my anxiety levels over the past week or so, and I really do think it's him and all the games he plays. Not good, I know.
Conne, yeah that is pretty bad... and certainly not a life I'd want for myself, that's for sure!
Lol @ dump the chump :P
Thanks again. xx
I have done as Nom's suggested, and delete his number from my phone. Even deleted 'phone log', just in case I was tempted after a few vino's :-/
Woofgang, I have actually seen a rise in my anxiety levels over the past week or so, and I really do think it's him and all the games he plays. Not good, I know.
Conne, yeah that is pretty bad... and certainly not a life I'd want for myself, that's for sure!
Lol @ dump the chump :P
Thanks again. xx
Quick update: He ignored my text and came round, as usual, at half four this morning!! I know because I could hear him knocking on the door and could see my phone lighting up. So, I switched it off, turned over, and went back to sleep.
Deleted his texts without reading them, and voicemails without listening to them.
Thanks for the confidence boost :)
Deleted his texts without reading them, and voicemails without listening to them.
Thanks for the confidence boost :)
madmen I hope you read this.
Please read all this post again..... Then imagine what type of man you want in the future to live with you and your kids like a proper family.
Then read this post a second time....... You are letting time pass you by as this post and the picture of Mr Right don't match do they?
I'v been there myself, you need to respect yourself before a man will..... Good luck xx
Please read all this post again..... Then imagine what type of man you want in the future to live with you and your kids like a proper family.
Then read this post a second time....... You are letting time pass you by as this post and the picture of Mr Right don't match do they?
I'v been there myself, you need to respect yourself before a man will..... Good luck xx
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