My Husband Has Just Told Me Our Marriage Is Over!

[Traci66]

He is a recovering alcoholic and also being treated for depression. (All details of the following can be seen in previous posts). Over the past two months we have got two new granddaughters, his son, father of one of them has been in and out of prison. Tomorrow my grandson is supposed to be coming to stay with us for a week, (two weeks ago I had to report his mother, my daughter, for abusing drugs) my daughter was planning on coming to our house to drop off said grandson with her boyfriend. On being told this husband went ballistic and said he didn't want her anywhere near, she wouldn't be allowed in.

In the past we have had to call police several times to remove his son from our premises, for being violent, (he has thrown horseshoes etc at OH and threatened to knife me) but still I make an effort to welcome him no matter what he's done. When daughter said she was dropping grandson off with her boyfriend OH said no way would she be allowed in. This really got my back up considering all the effort I make with his children (though I really love his daughter to bits).

My OH has seemed really down for the last couple of weeks but has refused to see his doctor, I am really now at the end of my tether and wondering wether I should just take off (but at the same time terrified that he will make another suicide attempt that this time will be successful) or just carry on trying to talk to him, he's refusing to listen to me, (I would only go to his daughter, which seems unfair as she only gave birth just over three weeks ago) or just try some more to talk with him.

What do you think?

[Traci66]

Jon, mamya, and ummmm, I know what you are all saying is right, but it's going to hurt so much, I truly love him.

[Traci66]

Jon, bloody spell check!

[Traci66]

Jno. ,!!

[jno]

don't worry about my name, you've got bigger things to fret over...

But one big thing not to fret over: nobody is ever the blame for another person's suicide attemtps. You were not put on earth to keep him alive, and do not allow yourself to be morally blackmailed into thinking otherwise.

[Old_Geezer]

Sorry to hear, Traci. Not awake enough to come up with any useful suggestions at present, sorry, but others seem to have good ideas. Can only suggest playing it by ear and if you decide you have had enough then think of yourself and go. And if you think you still want to stand by him and do what you can, then do that. I can only wish you the best whatever you decide. We all feel for you in your situation and hope you find the way through.

[Traci66]

I don't want to leave him, as I said, I love him, suicide as far as I'm concerned is selfish beyond reason, thank you Jno and OG. His daughter has said I can go to her home and take some time for him and me.

[mier]

Hello Traci. I am so sorry for the situation you are in. Your post brings forth many wuestions for me - if I may.

I am wondering what your husband expects to happen now. Do you know if he wants a proper separation from you, for you both to live in separate homes? Has he suggested moving out of your home? Does he want to abdicate from his husband/father/grandfather responsibilities and remain in the home?

Has he suggested at this before? I wonder if this is a form of emotional blackmail (with regard to an attempted suicide).

I presume as a recovering alcoholic he has sought the help of his Dr before. Have you spoken to the Dr about the current situation?

Your love of your husband is obvious.

[mier]

^ questions - sorry for typo.

[ummmm]

Traci - don't think about it like it's the end. You are the anchor in this relationship x He needs you.

[Traci66]

Mier, OH has owned the property for 30 years, we've been together 20, his house is basically his life, business, home, 3 years ago things changed,, but basically I think it's all down to depression.

[murraymints]

If you can go to his daughters for a bit..some breathing space and time to talk over things with her....I think he may calm down and put things into perspective in your absence....I wish you the best Traci...good luck xx

[Traci66]

Ummmm, I can't goi, I love hom too much!

[Traci66]

Murray, as much as I love him, I think you may be right.

[mazie]

I do hope he goes to see someone about the depression Traci. I'm sure it's all down to that. I really hope it all works out for you. Be strong. xxx

[mazie]

Agree with Minty, a few days away will probably do you both some good

[mier]

Then I would urge you to seek professional help in the first place. You cannot continue to keep trying to sort thiout on your own, to be a referee or arbitrator for the whole family. It does not sound as though you necessarily getting much support from your children.

Living with an alcoholic is continually to live your own life as if walking on egg shells. Whatever your decision is, it cannot guarantee that you will remain steadfast in that direction. There are so many "what if's" to consider and they can come to you several times a day. Your mind can take on kaleidoscopic qualitites.

You deserve some respite from the sheer tension and worry but I can understand your reticence to leave your husband for any length of time.

[ummmm]

I agree with Murray.....a few days away are needed.

My OH read this question and he said 'he'll be lost without her'

Don't play games...tell him straight that you're going and will be back when your head is sorted...

He'll probably be pining for you way before that....

He may drown his sorrows though :-(

[mier]

sorry for all the typos - they are having a field day/night

- to sort this out -

- you are not necessarily getting -

[Traci66]

Ummmm I'm just so worried about what he will do if I go, several suicide attempts, he may just get it right/wrong the next time.

[Traci66]

Mazie, at least I will get to spend some time with our / his granddaughter.