Celibacy.

[kat-kin]

Since my marriage ended 3 years ago I've been celibate by choice. I've met a few nice men but they all wanted sex after one or two dates. I'm not a dried up old crone at 65 I just don't want/need sex anymore. Any views on this please?

[gness]

Hang on, Slappy....it was LadyB who was after Clooney....I'm working on Mr.Fry...x

[cupid04]

Thought you only wanted Mr. Fry for his brain:-)

[Sqad]

\\\\Are you saying you shouldn't go out with a man if you are not prepared to have sex with him at some point woofy?\\\

Yes is the answer to that.

\\\ I'm not a dried up old crone at 65 I just don't want/need sex anymore.\\

Oh! right then, so the men who do want sex can "lump it."

[boxtops]

Wow sqad, so all friendships with the opposite sex lead to sex, if you're a single woman? I think not. What's the matter with non-sex companiable friendships for singles, someone to go out with to social events, someone to cook dinner for, and so on? We're led to understand that lots of married couples have less sex in later years, no longer feeling the urges as much as they did in earlier years. Why should every loving friendship lead to sex?

[ummmm]

IMO....sex is only good with a person you love.

My best friends are male and I don't want to have sex with them, and vice versa...

kat....find a friend, not a hookup.

[RATTER15]

I think many women and men no longer feel the need or desire for sex when they get into their 60s. That does not mean they want to give up on love and relationships.
A new sexless relationship at that age wouldn't be a problem for quite a few people i'm sure, I do however thing that honesty at the start is very important.

[Sqad]

Boxy

\\\\\Wow sqad, so all friendships with the opposite sex lead to sex, if you're a single woman\\\

I didn't say ALL.....you must differentiate between friendships and "dates".
Dates are where a man asks a woman out, for many reasons, he fancies her physically OR he is short of sex for various reasons and he wants to "tap into" a prospective source of sex. He may score or he may not....that is a global well practised concept.
if there is no sex, then he will move on....unless of course that HE isn't looking for sex, in which case why date?
Companionship?....yeah! yeah!

[RATTER15]

Some people really have no idea of Women, relationships or love, they live in your own rather unpleasant little bubble and have little respect for others, especially Women! yet they feel they can still advise on these subjects!

[RATTER15]

their own *

[Sqad]

RATTER.....LOL.

[boxtops]

Dear me, sqad, that's a very predatory view of women - why are you so cynical about the companionship angle? There are many men out there who are widowed or divorced, and just miss no-strings female company, and likewise many older women who miss the male presence.

[Sqad]

\\\\There are many men out there who are widowed or divorced, and just miss no-strings female company, and likewise many older women who miss the male presence.\\\

How can you be so sure of your facts boxy....yes, there may well be heterosexual companionships with no sex........but not as many as you lead me to believe.

If I "dated" a woman and she accepted and if the "signs" were there...I would make a pass.......if it was graciously received then fine......but if it was clear that she want interested then she would fall into the group "some you win, some you lose".

If i wanted a night out (not a date) with NO sex on my mind, I would choose a bloke.

Simple concept boxy.

[woofgang]

I think that most (all?) of us, including Sqad (shock horror) are saying the same thing....although some of us (Sqad.....) are maybe coarser in our phraseology. I think, being honest and objective, that where there is a physical element to a relationship, by which I mean hugging and a goodnight kiss, there is the potential for one partner to have a change of feelings about the way they want the relationship to develop.

[ethandron]

I've always thought of celibacy as someone deciding they won't have sex even if they get the urge to, and that they'll fight the urge if they do get it.
In kat kins situation it seems she just doesn't get the urge to, with or without being in a relationship. I wouldn't necessarily think she's celibate, just she doesn't fancy having sex...at the moment...or ever. Maybe that would change if she met someone who really turned her on, or maybe not.
I see Chris tarrants ex wife has recently said much the same as kit kat.
Can't see it matters what a person chooses to do in their private life.

[boxtops]

Hi sqad - yes, I can be sure of my facts, I know of several relationships which are platonic amongst older people. The couples are very happy, indeed they share a bed in one instance, they just don't feel the urge for sex. That seems a very happy arrangement to me, if both parties want it that way.

[Sqad]

boxy......young sqad is becoming exasperated here.......the OP is talking about DATES........not platonic relationships.

The platonic couple who share a bed......yeah! right.......are they going to tell you that they have been at it?

[woofgang]

boxy, far be it from me, but I am not sure why these couples would be discussing their sex lives with you?

[kat-kin]

Hi everyone, Thanks for your views. Ummm you're spot on in saying I need a friend and not a hook up. Sqad I corrected my myself last night re "Date".Men expecting sex even with a friend is wrong in my humble opinion. Anyway I have joined the Platonic site from the link given to me last night so let's see what happens from there. I shall keep you all updated:-) Thanks again all.

[viv38]

Good luck kat-kin.

[silliemillie]

Kat - the platonic sites sounds ideal for you, hope it all works out xx