Shyness/introverted

[just_George]

Is there a difference between being shy and being introverted?
I'm not a huge party person and much prefer small groups. I like to chat,eat,have a laugh and just a couple of drinks. If the group gets bigger I tend to get smaller,but I don't feel upset or uncomfortable. I dont like dressing up in costume or dancing etc.
Recently I've been told "don't attend any more gatherings because its obvious you cant cope with them" they said i'm insecure. This upset me at first then confused,I work in a busy supermarket with the public all day and Im good at my job even when its very busy. I do 2 gym classes. I don't feel insecure, but could I be shy or introverted?

[ummmm]

The definition of introvert in the Cambridge dictionary..

"someone who is ​shy, ​quiet, and ​unable to make ​friends ​easily"

[sandyRoe]

Who was it told you:"don't attend any more gatherings because its obvious you cant cope with them."?
To be quiet in a crowd doesn't necessarily mean you're not coping. There's nothing wrong with being shy.

[Old_Geezer]

Shyness is more to do with relationships to others and being too nervous or embarrassed to be comfortable in them. Introversion is more a tendency to find interest in inward thoughts rather than external stimulation. The two are different but I think likely to be found in the same folk.

[Robinia]

Shy, introverted, it doesn't matter what you call it, if you're happy the way you are George then carry on as you are. Being told 'not to attend any more gatherings because you can't cope' was, in my opinion, out of order. Some people don't understand that we're not all the same...I used to get something similar when I was married. The ex's family were/are all big drinkers...and consequently often very loud. I've never been a big drinker but that didn't mean I wasn't enjoying myself, I was, just in a different way.
If you get invitations to go to gatherings and you want to go then do...and be yourself.

[Mosaic]

I always took the attitude, work is for earning the rent money, friends are people I choose to be with. I will be friendly to people that I work with, but they aren't friends, and I don't seek them out after work hours. So first of all, don't worry unduly about these people, just do your job.
Many workplaces develop a thing about groups going out socially. In my opinion these become toxic, with relationship issues and 'who said what' spilling over into the workplace. At the same time, these groups become a way used by certain individuals to bully and exclude someone. I'm wondering if you're receiving a first dose of this.
You say you were upset about this, and that's important. Without knowing anything about the place you work in, what to do about being made to feel upset is hard to advise on. Is there a supervisor, manager or colleague who isn't involved closely with this group, and who you trust, that you could talk to in the first instance?
Just expressing that you aren't unhappy, that you are a quiet socialiser, and that you feel a bit hurt is something that might help all round.

[Old_Geezer]

Having now read more than the first sentence I'd suggest not worrying about it. You don't sound that different to myself. Do what you wish with your life and ignore folk who try to tell you what you should do (unless you asked on a forum :-) ) Those who commented sound like extrovert types who err in thinking anyone different has a problem.

I think society tends to think so too as the noisiest, in your face, folk tend to get their way, IMO, and this affects society.

[whiskeryron]

Better to be shy than loud-mouthed & off your face. I know which I prefer.

[Sqad]

Many good posts above, but particularly the one by Robinia.

Introverted is just one step" quieter" than shy and has perhaps psychiatric implications, but by your post i would describe you as...."shy."

No big deal and shy people are accepted as normal in society and live their lives with "shyness " in mind. You can train yourself to be extrovert if that is necessary but it does take a lot of practice.

Is it worth it? That is the question you need to answer.

[just_George]

Thanks everybody for great answers. It's my in-laws in having trouble with,I get on well with other people and when I do go out with friends I have a great time when its less than a dozen say,and usually for a meal with just a little drink. Im not nervous of talking to people in fact I find new people intersting,Im confident in my appearance and manners.
I have been with my husband 11 yrs and his family never keeen. They are a close big loud group and are permantly in each others lives. I dont mind not going to gatherings I DO mind being told not to because I cant cope!! I dont feel shy just quiet,I dont see why I should change who I am but does anyone have any ideas how to improve this situation?

[ummmm]

That's it then...you're just quiet.

[aelmpvw]

//don't attend any more gatherings because its obvious you cant cope with them.//

it was probably the loud extrovert who bores everyone at parties that gave you this advice

[Retrochic]

just-George you sound within the bounds of pretty normal to me. Your In-Law who said that to you is trying to put you down and in some way control your behavior. You have two choices -stop going to events where they are, but because you don't want to, or go, and be yourself and stuff them. there is nothing wrong with shy -I'd rather be in the company of someone shy than loud-mouthed

[Robinia]

So your situation sounds very much the same as mine was except no one said it to my face, one of their friends had a few drinks and told me (lol). It hurt at the time but I said nothing and carried on the same as always.

There's nothing for you to change or improve George, if, after 11 years, they haven't accepted the way you are that's their problem not yours. Just shrug, if you must say anything at all make it something like 'Don't worry about me, I'm fine thanks'. I wouldn't get into a conversation or an argument about it, no doubt you're going to have to keep on seeing them for quite a few years and you don't want rifts, especially if you have children. Good luck.