Chemo

[nailit]

My mums been to the hospital today to discuss the inns and outs of starting her chemo next week.
Out of the blue she said that she wasn't going to have it and was just going to try and enjoy what time she has left without being 'poisoned' with chemicals that could potentially make her ill just for the sake of a few extra months.
We all just assumed that she would have given it a go at least, but we all respect her choice.
But what has surprised me is that they haven't given her (or me and my sisters) any indication of how long she may have left with us? Would have assumed that they would have SOME idea??

[jno]

perhaps they wait to be asked? (By the patient, not relatives.) I'd think that's only right, they shouldn't assume she wants to know.

[Mamyalynne]

Very often they don't have an idea, cancers are unpredictable and guesswork isn't all that helpful.

What we did was to seize each day, not make long term plans and any breaks away were for a weekend or a few days at most whilst we could.

She will tell you when things get too hard.

Meanwhile good pain relief and as much joy as you can pack in is the best.

[pixie374]

Has she asked them? It would be a lot of guesswork, but they might have a rough idea.

[EDDIE51]

They do not have an idea about time. Only 'average survival time '! These vary so much they are not normaly quoted ! I had a relative who had terminal cancer , we were told she had a month at most. In the end she went on for another 3 years !

[LadyCG]

They don't discuss prognosis unless you ask.

[albaqwerty]

Maybe it's up to the patient to ask.

A mate's mum has terminal cancer, she asked doctor how long without the surgery? Doctor could only give ball-park figure, 12 months? 6 months? Who knows?
was his reply.

Do hope your mum isn't in pain tho nails xx

[Cloverjo]

My mum was told she had only months left, without anyone asking. It felt like being kicked in the stomach by a horse.

Ask the doctors. If they can give you some idea they will. It might not be correct though.

[nailit]

Thank you all for quick replies, makes a bit more sense now. Don't think that she would ask how much time she has left because she's frightened.
Since the radio therapy she's had a bit of relief but has days where she's vomiting, got diarrhoea, dizzynes and headaches. Other days she has managed to get out of the house for a few hours and go for a meal or bit of shopping.
Its all a bit of a strain.

[tamborine]

none know how long we have. Live today as your last.

I hope your mum is pain free.

[nailit]

Thanks Tambo. The meds help but she's not free from pain by any means unfortunately.

[Sqad]

Eddie...these "average survival times" are not for terminal cancer, but give a term e.g average 5 year survival............this not being the case here.

if you ask the Drs, they will give you a survival time based on their experience of such cases.......they are Drs not soothsayers.
I always felt that someone close to the patient should always know the "state of affairs" even though nobody had asked.

I think it is very brave and intelligent of your mother to assess the situation in her own mind and turn down treatment whatever it be....I would hope in similar circumstances,I would do the same.
I admire her.

[nailit]

Thank you Sqad, I appreciate that.

[tamborine]

47y son is given 8y unless a cure comes. He is glad of his wide travels & achievements & now 'lazing' his days on www. He is tied to NHS by IVs.

[bednobs]

what is the matter with him tambo? 8y seems curiously specific

[tamborine]

scleroderma

[Rockrose]

In my fathers case the tumour is so aggressive and given how he has deteriorated in a matter of weeks they said no more than 9 months

[ummmm]

My dad was given 6 months, he lasted 8. He was quite a bit younger than your mum though xx

[BagPussAA]

I think it varies from patient to patient. When they discovered that my dad had esophageal cancer, they told us that they could probably give him 5 years with chemo.. but he was dead within 2 weeks of the diagnosis. He never even got the opportunity to start the treatment.

[Old_Geezer]

It's difficult to judge. Some are expected to go soon and stay with us for months; others expected to be around a while but then go downhill rapidly. Any estimation would have very wide range of actual values.

[-SharonA-]

In her last stages, the doctor said my mum had 3 months and sure enough died 3 months to the day.