Is It Really For Better Or For Worse

[Teapots1]

Is this snobbery or just a case of not being able to accept the situation along with the problems of the coming weeks? Couple been married for 46 years, no real health problems during that time for either of them. Without going into to much detail, husband been living with cancer for a few months now, a very aggressive type. Cut a long story short getting up the stairs to go to bed is becoming almost impossible and painful the cancer is in the hips plus everywhere else. She objects to the bed being bought down into the living area, she actually said to me everywhere will look a mess, and what will people think when they come round. Must admit I was more than cob smacked. What do you think?

[douglas9401]

They may just be bumping up against reality for the first time.

[rockyracoon]

I'd bring the bed down in a heart beat. If they can afford one, what about a stairlift?

[rockyracoon]

Does she really want him in more pain than he has to be? To watch someone you supposedly love struggle with walking up and down stairs would be awful.

[Teapots1]

Well they have three beds, but the hospital said they can bring one that's singing and dancing.

[Barsel]

This happened to my cousin and her husband and he had a hospital bed put in the living room, didn't bother her at all but, I have a friend who wouldn't do that so her husband stayed upstairs until it was mealtimes, then came downstairs.
It depends on the person, I can see both points of view.
As rockyracoon said, what about a stairlift?

[naomi24]

I would like to think she doesn’t understand what they are facing. If she does understand best I keep my thoughts to myself.

[naomi24]

What other people think would be the last thing in my mind.

[Mamyalynne]

When something like this comes up then being house proud flies out of the window.

Your world shrinks around you and your Husband and be blowed to everyone else.

[youngmafbog]

Quite possibly still in the denial stage.

The Bigun is not at all nice but in the early stages it does seem externally that there is not too much wrong. That changes rapidly of course and some people dont respond well to fast change.

[Milo2]

My husband had an accident a few years ago and couldn’t manage the stairs so we put a bed downstairs for him. I really didn’t care what anyone else thought.

[Barsel]

We don't know this couple in question.
Just because they've been married

[Barsel]

Whoops don't know what happened there.
Just because they've been married for 46 yrs, we don't know how much they care for each other.
So, obviously if you still love and care for your husband, you would be agreeable to this, but if you couldn't care less about him, you wouldn't.

[campbellking]

Certainly not uncommon for families not to want to move furniture around, something we encounter regularly at work in the hospital

[naomi24]

I would, Barsel.

[andres]

We never had a moments hesitation when it came to looking after my mother . The front room was turned into a living area and she had a bedroom upstairs. Later an elderly uncle used it as a living room and also had his bed in there.He couldn't get upstairs. Several times after my OH had operations and a couple of times after two of the lads had broken legs the front room was used as a bedroom. They needed looking after and we never had a minutes hesitation.
Your friend needs to forget about what other people think and concentrate on making her husband's life as easy and as comfortable as she can.

[fender62]

when and if that person passes away, the bed problem will come back to haunt with what was i thinking, get the bed down now.

[burlyshirley]

How sad, husband should have priority. If it was someone I loved, I would naturally want the best for them and if being in a bed downstairs was the answer, then so be it. But not knowing her, could she possibly be in denial and doesn't like admitting how ill he is ? My Mum was a bit like that towards the end of Dad's life and I know she was scared of all the changes coming about.

[calmck]

Very possible the wife does not want or is not ready to accept that her husband is coming to the end of his life. A stair lift might be an option. Maybe draw a plan of the room he will be in and cut out furniture to arrange how the room would look. Are any cancer specialities involved yet like Marie Curie etc. they would also advise how best to arrange things for convenience of care and comfort.

[Barsel]

The more I think about this, the more I realise we can only say what we would do if it was our spouse.

[naomi24]

I’ve done it for people who weren’t my spouse, Barsel. I’ve no regrets.