How Can I Tell My Neighbour About This Without Being Accusatory?

[bluefortress]

I have a family of 3 living next door to me (mother, father and infant son). It is a new build estate we all moved onto at relatively the same time. The father often goes outside to smoke through the day but he doesn’t smoke near his front door he will walk around near my path/drive. I am often smelling cig smoke when I walk out my front door for work, but it is not really this that bothers me.

For the past 3 years I have been finding used cigs on my path where he flicks the stumps. I questioned him on it once when I was cleaning my path I said ‘have you seen anyone hanging about/smoking round here’ and he was a bit stuttery, pointed to the other side of the estate and said he would keep an eye out.

However I am still finding the cigs

It is obvious that it is him


There are other issues too like his wife keeps using my bin (in fact when I moved in and my new bin arrived she used it before me without permission lol). Then when I was putting my bin out at 9pm once she came out telling me could I be quiet as it was waking her baby up. That’s another topic though.

I am probably better messaging his wife about the cigs as she seems a bit more intelligent than him. How would you word the message so that it doesn’t sound accusatory?

[Hymie]

When you next have a conversation with your neighbour, mention that you are still finding cigarette butts on your property and that you are thinking of installing a hidden cctv camera to catch the culprit(s).

[calmck]

I would not message his wife. Get a small bucket with some San or Earth in it and next time you see him smoking ask him to use it for his butts

[douglas9401]

Not for the first time I'm glad I live where I do, couldn't be arsed with all this palaver over nothing.

[Bobbisox1]

Douglas how did you get away with arsed?
I said ass**** yesterday and it was swiftly taken down :0))))
Sorry for the intrusion bfts
I’d invest in a cctv camera … or just tell him but that might cause neighbour wars but you could shovel them up and dump them back on his property and if he asks, say the same as he did “ No, but I’ll keep an eye out “

[douglas9401]

It's a corruption of 'harrassed', Bobbi. :-)

[maggiebee]

Wonder what the folk in the Ukraine would think about this?

[ToraToraTora]

I'd sweep them up and put them through his letter box. Why are smokers incapable of using a bin?

[Tuvok]

Smokers don’t think.

I know when the window cleaner has been before I reach the house as I see a fag end on our drive (not very often however)

[bluefortress]

Bobbi- thanks, I have cameras but I want to avoid being accusatory, even though it is very obviously him.

[ToraToraTora]

Stop being a doormat, confront the guy then if it happens again do what i suggested.
years ago we lived a few doors from a pet shop and their dog used to carp all over my drive. After several attempts to reason with the Casserole I picked it up on a shovel walked into the shop and spread it all over the counter. It never happened again.

[ToraToraTora]

I did not write casserole above.

[bluefortress]

Maggiebee- if you are going to take the moral high ground there are plenty of constructive ways for you to do this in life other than use it to elicit confrontation on an online chat site

[bluefortress]

Tora - you likely have the advantage of being a big guy though, I’m a 5ft female who despite being able to manage 14 pull-ups, still looks weak lol

[ToraToraTora]

This isn't about anything physical. First tell the bloke to stop then if he doesn't act. Often people don't even realise they are annoying people that's why first you should tell them and give them a chance to change. If they do not change then they are annoying you deliberately, then you must act or they will continue to do it. Don't be "accusatory" be assertive, tell him you know they are his fag butts. Leave no room for denial or doubt.

[bluefortress]

Thanks Tora, I have mentioned it to him so what you suggest is probably the best approach

[maggiebee]

bluefortress - it is not my intention to elicit confrontation. However, in the grand scheme of things, a few cigarette butts is small beer. TTT has made a good suggestion so perhaps you could try it out.

[Barmaid]

Do not, under any circumstances, start a fight with them. Living next door to people that you have fallen out with can be extremely stressful.

Fight any sort of rudeness with disarming charm. I would do what Calmk suggests and buy a bucket with some sand (or whatever, in) - wait until we have had a couple of dry days and then smilingly say something like "I've decided to put this bucket out here so people can have a smoke and not worry about where to put their cigarette ends. Plus it has been SO dry lately I'm a little bit worried about fires". Do not go sweeping them up and putting them through his letter box or whatever as has been suggested. That is going to start a war that you do not want.

[pastafreak]

^^^and if you do start an episode of unfriendly confrontations you'll need to mention it if and when you may decide to sell...iirc.

[bhg481]

Wise words from Barmaid and Pasta.

[ToraToraTora]

barmaid: " I would do what Calmk suggests and buy a bucket with some sand" - Have you seen every smoking area in the world? Knee deep in smoking detritus. Smokers are biologically incapable of using a bin. The guy should just smoke outside his own gaff. end of.