Vascular Dementia

[Redhelen72]

MIL has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia.

The advisor rang us yesterday to let us know and talk through the diagnosis, apparently social services will get a referral and will visit her to see what help will be needed.

As apparently she will need a lot of help. Does anyone know if this help is means tested and if it can be refused?

Thank you 

[DTCwordfan]

there is humour to be had and to be clear, it's associated with what the disease does rather than at the person with it. Two examples from me was the last words compos mentis that my maternal grandma said to me - on the wedding day and as she was leaving to go back to her home. I should explain that she had sex on the brain, probably from not getting enough in her life. Her comment, "I've hope you two have had a good day and I hope you have a better night!"

The other grandma, well if it was dementia who knows but she could come out with some whoppers. True - she had been Mayor of the town, twice in her own right and three times as Lady Mayor to my grandfather. Yes, there could have been a football  trophy presentation involved for the local side based off the show factory. "I presented the FA Cup to Manchester United on the Town Hall balcony!"  Really?

The general advice is don't tackle them over things like this - there are other battles that will need action....just let them ride.

[DTCwordfan]

shoe factory.....now show

[Old_Geezer]

Unsure if you were aware, but we don't pay taxes for our electricity to be freely available PP.

[Countrylover]

/The general advice is don't tackle them over things like this - there are other battles that will need action....just let them ride./

That is brilliant advice  and it's best for both the person with dementia and the carer.   I found that out the hard way.  It caused both Mum and I stress which was unnecessary.

And Smow don't worry about the deja  vu thing. Its common for all of us, but we recognise it.  

 

[Countrylover]

/Country lover - I didn't know that about the deja vu.  Sorry but I  couldn't help but smile when you wrote that she insisted she'd seen the World Cup Final before ; ) /

Smow,   she'd  actually seen it in the morning and they repeated it in the afternoon!

 

 

[Countrylover]

For a happier life Red, let her win and smile.  I know how diffcult that can be.  My MIL had vascular dementia too.  A very physically strong Russian Lady who ended up getting in lots of trouble with her care home by taking long walks. Hiding workman's tools under the carpet in her room etc and on one occasion ending up sleeping at Charing Cross Station with a lot of homeless people.  

[andres]

Does your BIL  not do anything at all with regards to looking after her? 

[Countrylover]

We never found out how she got from Norfolk to Charing Cross.

[Redhelen72]

Andres very little, he doesn't have a close relationship with his mother due to how he was treated as a child and how she treated his wife.

he does go and see her but not that often (he only lives 2 hours away) and he doesn't want to be there anymore than we do but he doesn't feel the same guilt that my husband does 

[andres]

^^^That's a shame  because it would have relieved the burden for you and your husband. 

[Redhelen72]

He is older than my husband and has a young family at 60 when he should be retiring from a successful career he is having to continue working to support children for the foreseeable future as the youngest is 11

[bednobs]

Your brother in law seems to have the right idea imo! We lived 20 minutes away from my mither in law and it was difficult to go and see her. I don't think 2 hrs is close

[Countrylover]

A lot nearer than Red though  Bednobs

[Countrylover]

Sorry posted too soon.  Northern Ireland to Norfolk!

[bednobs]

well thats true!

 

[Countrylover]

😀

[bednobs]

in all honesty, even when sge was 5 mins away we barely saw her.  protecting ourselves

[Countrylover]

Bednobs.

I must admit my mother in law often drove over  to see me but never phoned first or asked if I was free.  She would turn up when I had friends round and plonk herself down and stay and take over.  It got so bad that if her car drew up outside I would hide.  She would then sit outside in her car waiting for me so  my hiding sessions were long.  

[Countrylover]

And she never should have been allowed to drive!

[Redhelen72]

Well his brother showed as little interest as expected.

we will do as much as we can until we get over next month