mother inlaws

[tradey]

hi anyone out there got the same problem as me,well everywhere we go she has to come too,we got out for meals with our friends go to the pub and guess what she finds out and they always invite themselves yep mother in law and father in law.to me it seems we cant do anything without them finding out,when its there birthdays or its mothers day and fathers day its what we doing for my mum and dad,it was my birthday and nothing was said didnt go out or anything but we have to for them im getting ready to explode weve booked our holiday for this year and she wanted to come on that, ive had enough hols with them told her its just us that is going well you should have seen her face she hasnt spoke to me for weeks what do i do without upsetting her no one else seems to put there foot down looks like its going to have to be me yet again hellllllllllp

[Goodsoulette]

You are going to end up getting divorced if this doesn't stop. Does it really matter if you get on with her mum and dad? No. They all need to let go of each other, why dont you emigrate ;D

[Goodsoulette]

Or how about your mum and dad, get them involved in everything you do for a while. See what she thinks about that!

[tradey]

we are really thinking of moving to cyprus in two years when weve got some money together,my dad died 8yrs ago at the age of 46,my mum never comes anywhere,on boxing day i had my mum and boyfriend over and my bro and partner too didnt ask his mum and dad and my god what a pain she was when she found out,listern to this it was our wedding anni in dec we went out for some drinks then all cae back her,got to the pub and they were there waiting just came to that as well,my hubby knows how i feel and has tried but like i said he doesnt want to upset her,but is it ok to upset me his wife

[peterd]

Can't help Tradey, but you sound like Ray's wife in Everybody loves Raymond !!

[pugwash52]

I've been a mother-in-law for many years, and I'm sure I'm far from perfect, but if I met yours, I would take great pleasure in telling her to GET A LIFE and leave you alone.

[tradey]

pugwash52 i know everyones not perfect,but i dont think she likes us having a life without her, she has friends but wants to be with us and our friends all the time,if we make arrangements we sometimes keep it from her so she doesnt find out,then when she does its 101 questions why didnt we ask them to come with us,ive tried telling her but i dont think she wants to hear what ive gotto say,she thinks shes in the right to

[tradey]

sorry i didnt finish what i wa writting my little 2yr old pressed a button and it went,right she always thinks shes got the right to come with us all the time,my hubby needs to start saying how he feels and not keeping it in its driving a wedge between us at the min tanks for everyones advise

[Drusilla]

I think the problem is your husband, not your mother in law. You should be his primary concern now and I believe he needs to take the pressure off you by dealing with the situation like an adult, put his foot down and define her new boundaries in his life.

[tradey]

no the problem is my mother inlaw, cant do things on her own, scarred of missing out on anything, doesnt want anyone to enjoy themselves without her being there,my husband has tried telling her she just doesnt seem to get it into her head that we need time with our own with our mates and not have her watching every move we make, looks like ill have to tell her just how we feel so fingers crossed,but this has been going on for years so shes not going to listern now is she

[Goodsoulette]

Oh Tradey, my stomach lurched when I read you had a 2 yr old, there is nothing worse than an in law interfering with your children, I really feel for you. My mother in law is "ok" but she still winds me up and I only see her 3 or 4 times a year. When we had our last child she insisted Brad let her know when I went into labour, of which I said dont I dont want you too. Of course he still did and it has been a secret bone of contention ever since and I wouldnt let her come and stay with us after the birth cause i knew it would be tough. She had to wait a month. Put your foot down, im sure your other half will understand and thats what is important.

[Paul22118]

tradey, the key to your solution is your partner. I was in a dreadful position many years ago when my in laws were a serious pain. I couln't stand much more interfering, poison letters, sniping griping et al. So I made a decision that I would never visit her again and she would never come to our home. The next time I crossed their threshold was nineten years later at her funeral.

Life is too short. Your happiness and marital duty is to you own family and that must prevail. I won't suggest what drastic measures you take but as long as your partner is with you, do whatever it takes.

Good luck.

[joko]

tell her straight, either in a letter or face to face - if you can face it, that you married her son and not her, you are not her friend and you want to spend your time your way not hers.

obviously be a bit more polite - but you must be firm.

tell her the truth, if she asks why you didn't invite her - you didn't want her there! tell her also you want to be wiht people your own age too.

she is obviously thick skinned - or just doesn't care that she is upsetting you, either way, you need to get a bit tougher. tell your hubby to do it first and if that doesn't work you must do it

you could even start 'creating a diversion' - let it slip you are going to the dog and duck but really go to the red lion or whatever.

i can't see how she is just finding this stuff out - someone must be telling her - find out who and tell them to stop

good luck

[tradey]

a big thankyou to everyone for hearing what i had to say,were both going around tomoz and telling her how we feel,my hubby says if she cant take what weve gotto say then sorry she will have to learn the hard way and not see us until she understands why were being like this,i know its his mum and we all love them dearly but come on he left home nearly 20yrs ago its about time she let go,weve been married for 19 and we must be strong to have stayed together this long with the way she is thanks again