44 and finding love

[Minxie]

Hi there, having been recently dumped (this weekend) via text. (some of you would of read my moans :( ) Although I am not out to meet a man now. Still getting over being dumped! But makes me question will I ever meet anyone. As there must of been something really bad about me, being dumped via text after over 3 years together.

Am 45 this year. Lone parent with children. Not a great catch for anyone am I? Feeling glum and probably a bit sorry for myself.

Any one else ever felt the same? Or have some happy ending stories to cheer me up?

Sorry for my whinging !

[helsbels666]

Sorry, i know this doesnt answer your q but......ur 44! I thought when a guy dumped you by text he was like 18 or something! Gees! (unless of course you had a toy boy!)

I know lots of people who have met there new partners at your age!

[Redbel]

Oh Minxie don't put yourself down....so sorry to hear of your troubles. I felt just the same as you after being in a relationship for 12 years. I was also a single parent. I was 36 and thought who's gonna want me...but Minxie when I was least expecting it I met someone...we have now been together for nearly 8 years and he really is my soulmate.....and four years younger.... ;-)

I believe there is someone for everyone .... and there is that special someone for you Minxie. Maybe not just yet....but when you are least expecting it.... Good Luck xx

[Minxie]

No helsbels, he is 44 also! But his behaviour! well, shows his real age does'nt it.

[Drisgirl]

Minxie - you are going thro the grieving process.Of course you will meet someone - but not just yet please.When I finished my first marriage I was with someone for a couple of years but I couldnt give him what he wanted - commitment,kids (he was a bit younger) and I decided to take time out to be with my kids.They didnt have any 'uncles' and I was very discreet if I did have a sometimes necessary liaison.To that end I was on 'my own' for about 5 yrs then when you least expect it - there it hits you.I was out one night with my friend who is a teacher and she was getting p1ssed off with ex-pupils in the lounge.I bailed out and started talking to an ex-teacher of mine - she came thro and I introduced them and it was love at first sight.They have been married for 2 yrs now and yet they werent looking.

We were the four muskateers and thought we were invincible but we have all met partners and settled down - well I still like a night out with the girls and one of my best mates is a bloke (matron of honour at his wedding-divorced now) and we go out on the lash once a month.I could write a book but dont go looking - I've just thought of a match make - he's 42:)

Dont be upset -you sound ace and you're just having the normal angst.Have fun with your pals first.

[Minxie]

Thank you BEZ for your lovely reply. I guess I am putting myself down. Difficult not to. But looks like you know how I am feeling now. So lovely to hear a happy ending for you. Thank you for replying xx

[noxlumos]

Stop whining you, I'm sure you've loads to offer:)

I read you original post about being dumped via text and frankly anyone who does something as low and shallow as that is no judge of anything so you can ignore anything he had to say completely for a start.

Being 45 is actually an asset, as you're past the flippant stage which is what men really hate ( I'm male btw) and you have some life experience and will therefore be far more interesting than perhaps a girl in her 20's ( sorry all you 20 somethings).

45 is not over the hill by miles, I'm 44 and still feel 18 and my second wife is expecting a baby in March so I'm living proof there are happy ever afters for our age group.

Before I met her I did feel that I had nothing to offer anyone that was good,I had custody of my children from my first marriage which I felt would put people off ( it didn't) but she appeared to strongly disagree about me being worthless and useless and all the other negatives other people had given me and we really are very happy now.

What you are feeling now is this incredible cruelty that's been visited upon you by a man you trusted. Give yourself time to heal and understand you didn't do anything wrong, he did, and then when you're ready for another relationship someone will be very lucky to have you as their partner.

Keep smiling, I know you feel terrible now, but it will get better and there will be someone for you:)

[Minxie]

Hi Drisgirl. you are right about me not meeting anyone else yet. I dont want to, plus I dont get the opportunity to get out much with having children to look after. My social circle is low, as all my female friends are happily married with kids.

But thank you for your lovely reply. And taking the time. I know inside I am a good person, but my ex has made me feel I am not.

But there again, he was Mr Teflon. Nothing stuck to him!

[gammaray]

Being dumped by text...? Thats so cool! It really shows just how little you meant to the fellow. In order to move on you really do need to ask the difficult questions of yourself. It's hard to take ownership of the problem and there will be scores of your friends, and people you ask for advice, who will tell you it's not your fault.......but is that really true? Believe me, nobody just wakes up one day and decides that's it! there must have been signs of relationship decay. You need to be questioning why you chose to ignore them, if you want to avoid the same thing happening again.

[helsbels666]

im sure thats really helpful gammaray

[Drisgirl]

Does it matter - gammaray - if there were faults and the relationship could have been crumbling for months.

If you have been with someone for 3 yrs give her the common courtesy of being a man and facing her instead of being a coward.We all know relationships break up - its the method used which is in dispute here.OK?

[DivaDebs]

What a scumbag! You are so much better without him! Cliche, I know - but true! Light at the end of the tunnel... Oh yes! I have a friend who is 46, has 5 children, been married 3 times. Her husband 'ran off' (odd expression that!) with another woman, She was devastated. Angry, desolate, felt like a 'dog'. She's actually a vibrant, fun young woman. Hey - guess what - someone else noticed that too! A GEM of a man, who would never mistreat her. Guess what else? Her 'husband's' affair fizzled out. She got engaged to Mr Right! PLEASE don't give up hope. Also, please don't go hunting just yet... Hungry people make bad shoppers..

It'll come to you - so long as you give out Happy Vibes!

[arty7774]

Sorry to hear about your break up Minxie. I was 52 when my wife left me for a younger model.

I am sure your will get over it and find someone else.

I wish I could.

[Drisgirl]

arty- you still sound sad.Of course in the fullness of time you will meet someone else.Relationships break up all the time hence it doesnt take Einstein to realise there are people your age who have also found themselves single.That was sweet you took time out for Minxie.

If you feel you can move on then give yourself a swift kick up the ar$e and get out there again cos they wont come chapping at your door:)Now do what you are told!!!

[Minxie]

I have just got the chance to get on the pc to read your replies. (kicked my teenager off it!) and its very heartwarming to read your advice and stories.

In answer to gammaray, I expected more replies like yours. And you are probably right, that there must of been cracks in the relationship. But still to end the relationship via text? I didnt deserve that.

Diva, I agree with you about not going out to find someone else.

Nox, lovely to read you have met someone else, and a baby here soon. I wish you lots of luck.

Helsbels, thankyou.

arty, I am sorry to hear you feel so sad still, and I agree with Drisgirl, that it was very sweet you took time to reply to my post. I wish you lots of luck.

And Drisgirl, a really big thankyou to you.

I know all I have said is thank you. But I mean it.

My ex boyfriend, I think will live to regret it. He is a man with a big ego, and had many times said to me, he could have any woman he wanted!

Well now he has his chance!

Thankyou all (again) xx

[gammaray]

The question was about meeting someone new Drisgirl, not the method of being dumped, at least the question I read was. As for being helpful helsbels666 that's what the site is about surely? - the exchange of ideas, the cut and thrust of debate. If you only post questions in order to have your ego massaged I'd suggest that this is the wrong forum. Of course I make no apologies if my advice isn't quite what the poster wanted to read, but it is sound and based on more than a smattering of professional experience. You are of course at liberty to ignore that advice

[Drisgirl]

gammaray - You obviously didnt read Minxies other post - which she alluded to..Anyway its not cool - to dump by text and I dont need to come on AB to have my ego massaged as I already have a huge one and know I am perfect and lovely and always correct of course!!!

[sunseeker]

Happy ending story: me, aged 47, husband walked out after 17 years for a girl 20 years younger. Devastated. Felt old & unwanted. Six months later, went with friend & her husband to Canaries for 'sod-it' holiday. Determined never to get involved with anyone ever again. Friend's husband felt ill one night, went out with friend. Went to bar we'd never been in before, met nice guy who sat & chatted to both of us. Came home, nice guy rang - and rang - and rang (lives 200 miles away). Talked for hours. Eventually met up, thought to myself 'Well, maybe....!' End of story: Four years on, still together, very much in love, have been all over the world with him - cruises, Caribbean holidays, New York, etc. Turns out nice guy is a millionaire. Lovely, I hear you say, but I fell for him before he revealed that little fact! I swear that's how it happened, when I least expected (or wanted) to meet someone. You never know what's round the corner!

[Minxie]

Drisgirl, I think you are great too. Read many of your answers you have given to other questions posted on Answerbank. Always sound advice. And often quite funny to read.Thanks again xx

[Minxie]

Sunseeker, what a lovely story to end this post on. A Millionaire! You lucky girl you. Lovely to hear you are happy and still together.

[Drisgirl]

Aw gee Minxie -all in a days work.What a fab story from sunseeker - bet you feel a wee bit better from sharing your experience.

Keep us posted from time to time - promise?Will look out for ya xxx